Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
Category: Christmas in July
Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”
Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.
“Which is my favorite kidnapping in this movie–don’t make me decide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
“Man, it’s tough to play the mandolin when your fingers are covered in hogs blood and bacon grease.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: X-mas Shorts-stravaganza!
PixTrax: “Welcome back to the secret lives of rural Liberace impersonators.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Hauled away, humiliated and wet, like every time I visit Applebee’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Man, that is one messed up amphibian.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Behold my powers of drapery procurement.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Ned Wertimer, he is good in everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Ah, garage chess, the best kind of chess.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“Mark was tragically born with the body of a shop teacher.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring The Magic Christmas Tree.
“Okay lady, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Yep. Just an old man, with a sharp weapon, stamping baby butts on a conveyor belt. You know.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“Oh gross. The ‘last burst’ is that pimple popping website.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
“Is there a human who can do that? I’m not comfortable with talking rumina.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!
“Hey, tough guy. Yo, big shooter. Hey, steak escape. Ho ho, funky bunch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“Okay, now try beckoning not like a wraith trying to lure us into a hell dimension.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song For Santa.
“Yep, I’d love to help, but I’m spreading leptospirosis into this water right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
“Hey Timmy, could you grab my balls like 100 percent less?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
Sketches & Speeches: “The Polonia Brothers Erotica Sketch”
Kevin: Oh yes. Soap up there, mustache. That’s how Kevie likes it.
“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!
“The new Marmadukes are in. This will keep us laughing for months.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.
“Kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, the White Stripes babies.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus.
“Sure, text books. Add those to the list of things that belong in a little girl’s room right under full-size piano and tree candles.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Oh boy! I’ve always wanted a creepy bandleader who says ‘yowser. ‘”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts From The Air.
“I don’t know. I don’t think, say Carl Reiner, has a lot of growing up to do.”
Carl Reiner March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020
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