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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Category: Christmas in July

Written by RifftraxJuly 31, 2020July 28, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”

Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2020July 23, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”

Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.

Written by RifftraxJuly 29, 2020July 28, 2020

“Which is my favorite kidnapping in this movie–don’t make me decide.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.

Written by RifftraxJuly 28, 2020July 26, 2020

“Man, it’s tough to play the mandolin when your fingers are covered in hogs blood and bacon grease.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: X-mas Shorts-stravaganza!

Written by RifftraxJuly 27, 2020July 22, 2020

PixTrax: “Welcome back to the secret lives of rural Liberace impersonators.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Written by RifftraxJuly 26, 2020July 26, 2020

“Hauled away, humiliated and wet, like every time I visit Applebee’s.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Written by RifftraxJuly 25, 2020July 23, 2020

“Man, that is one messed up amphibian.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Written by RifftraxJuly 24, 2020July 21, 2020

“Behold my powers of drapery procurement.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!

Written by RifftraxJuly 23, 2020July 21, 2020

“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.

Written by RifftraxJuly 22, 2020July 19, 2020

“Ned Wertimer, he is good in everything.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Written by RifftraxJuly 21, 2020July 19, 2020

“Ah, garage chess, the best kind of chess.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.

Written by RifftraxJuly 20, 2020July 19, 2020

“Mark was tragically born with the body of a shop teacher.”

Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring The Magic Christmas Tree.

Written by RifftraxJuly 19, 2020July 17, 2020

“Okay lady, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Written by RifftraxJuly 18, 2020July 11, 2020

“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.

Written by RifftraxJuly 17, 2020July 11, 2020

“Yep. Just an old man, with a sharp weapon, stamping baby butts on a conveyor belt. You know.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.

Written by RifftraxJuly 16, 2020July 11, 2020

“Oh gross. The ‘last burst’ is that pimple popping website.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.

Written by RifftraxJuly 15, 2020July 11, 2020

“Is there a human who can do that? I’m not comfortable with talking rumina.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.

Written by RifftraxJuly 14, 2020July 11, 2020

“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!

Written by RifftraxJuly 13, 2020July 11, 2020

“Hey, tough guy. Yo, big shooter. Hey, steak escape. Ho ho, funky bunch.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2020July 11, 2020

“Okay, now try beckoning not like a wraith trying to lure us into a hell dimension.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song For Santa.

Written by RifftraxJuly 11, 2020July 10, 2020

“Yep, I’d love to help, but I’m spreading leptospirosis into this water right now.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.

Written by RifftraxJuly 10, 2020July 1, 2020

“Hey Timmy, could you grab my balls like 100 percent less?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Written by RifftraxJuly 9, 2020June 30, 2020

“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!

Written by RifftraxJuly 8, 2020July 8, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Polonia Brothers Erotica Sketch”

Kevin: Oh yes. Soap up there, mustache. That’s how Kevie likes it.

Written by RifftraxJuly 7, 2020June 30, 2020

“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!

Written by RifftraxJuly 6, 2020July 1, 2020

“The new Marmadukes are in. This will keep us laughing for months.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.

Written by RifftraxJuly 5, 2020June 30, 2020

“Kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.

Written by RifftraxJuly 4, 2020July 1, 2020

PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, the White Stripes babies.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus.

Written by RifftraxJuly 3, 2020July 1, 2020

“Sure, text books. Add those to the list of things that belong in a little girl’s room right under full-size piano and tree candles.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.

Written by RifftraxJuly 2, 2020July 1, 2020

“Oh boy! I’ve always wanted a creepy bandleader who says ‘yowser. ‘”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts From The Air.

Written by RifftraxJuly 1, 2020July 1, 2020

“I don’t know. I don’t think, say Carl Reiner, has a lot of growing up to do.”

Carl Reiner March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020

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