“Merlin does it all with the help of a tongue computer and a skunk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alias St. Nick.
Author: Rifftrax
“So her mom is an enthusiastic gay man. So what?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol Trigger Films.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
PixTrax: “Man, they really Nabooed the he’ll out of her, didn’t they?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Aladdin.
“The depressed proboscis monkey wondered if his minstrel act was, perhaps, as offensive as the critics said.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics.
Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family
Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”
Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.
“Don’t get your hopes up guys. It’s Canadian stripping. She changes into a snowmobile suit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).
“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.
PixTrax: “It just dawned on him that he has history’s worst soul patch.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: A Talking Cat!?!
“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.
“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.
“Ladder climbing college was six years I’ll never get back but totally worth it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day With Fireman Bill.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“And she quickly loses interest in her ‘Tickle Me Yahoo Serious Doll.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Care to grab an under done potato with me?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“We now join Juan and the Donkey Puncher on KMEX 103.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Boy of Mexico: Juan and his Donkey.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
PixTrax: “Buff Hayden Christensen.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: 1990: Bronx Warriors.
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
“Next week on ‘Elderly Women Rummaging Through Things.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches.
“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.
“Hey, it’s kitchen Fonzi on HGTV.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: MST3K Reunion.
“And now back to the ‘Real World: Nilbog.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.
“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“‘That’s Our Bruce,’ Fridays at eight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.
“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship
Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.
PixTrax: “Walker, Texas Eavesdropper.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“‘Three Nuns and a Little Dragon,’ Fridays on ABC.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Super Mario Bros.
PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.
PixTrax: “We now return to ‘The Adventures of Young John Cleese.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
“Next, on ‘America’s Funniest Dimensional Transporter Bloopers.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Prisoners of the Lost Universe.
“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.
“‘Police Academy 14’ direct to Pluto TV.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Martial Law.
“‘Douche Bottle and Skank,’ this fall on TNT.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.
“‘Oh Yor,’ Wednesday nights after ‘Hello Larry.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Yor Hunter From the Future.
Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake
Movie: The evil is coming.
“Next week on ‘Law and Order: Dumpster Pusher Unit.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The House On Sorority Row.
“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“Tonight on ‘Law and Order: Special Outfits Unit.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
“‘Law and Order: Special Gardening Unit.’ Drop your compost and spread ’em!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Law and Order: Heavy Petting Unit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: “MANOS” The Hands of Fate.
“Satan talks to Mona, tonight on ‘Who’s The Boss?'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.
“We now return to ‘Robert Z’Dar Puts On A Lab Coat and Makes a Grilled Cheese’ already in progress.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flatts.
“And now back to this week’s episode of ‘Hi Honey, I’m Homo Erectus.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus!
“Coming soon to ABC, ‘Extreme Home Invasion Makeover.’ They’re going to threaten your life and critique your wood paneling.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Samurai Cop.
“‘Cat Lover and The Software Salesman,’ this fall on the CW.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
“It’s a wacky comedy about how she was shot in the head, so she moves to L.A. and gets a job on a small TV news station.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Bird Plague Movie” Sketch
Mike: I just don’t understand how we’re this far into a bird plague movie with no discussion of stock options.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch
Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.
“The director challenged them to walk less naturally than Rod from Birdemic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
“Bark beetles cause forest fires. Good night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
“The high society equivalent of ‘uhh, I hear a mountain lion.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Power.
Riff & React: “Bigfoot was forced to retreat deeper into the timberlands.”
Movie: Bigfoot was forced to retreat deeper into the timberlands.
“Well, somehow the spruce bark beetles are to blame.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Star Games.
“No wait—that’s a bark beetle infestation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Icebreaker.
“Spruce bark beetles. I’d know their foul handiwork anywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
“I see a mountain lion. I got to get back to my house. You better get back to your car.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
“Oh, I hear a mountain lion!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
“Sorry, I thought I saw a spruce bark beetle.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tree-Hugger Guy” Sketch
Bill: I hear a mountain lion.
“We’ve heard tales of your cruelty. The Birdemic is nigh.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of The Amazon.
“Ot-oh, we got a Birdemic situation. She’s going to Becky-it up out there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech
Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.
“This makes the Half Moon Bay Art and Pumpkin Festival look like a trip to Disneyland.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator.
“What it would look like if NASA had hired James Nguyen to fake the moon landing instead of Kubrick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
Riff & React: “Ten million dollars.”
Movie: Ten million dollars.
“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
Riff & React: “There’s just nothing wrong with shooting a few damn birds.”
Movie: There’s just nothing wrong with shooting a few damn birds.
“Rest of the movie is her picking up Rod from Birdemic and comparing their Mustangs’ mpg.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Astro Zombies.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch
Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.
PixTrax: “Don’t let James Nguyen put footage of this in a terrible movie.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.
“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
“Rob and Nathalie had a better date at good Viet-mese restaurant.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
PixTrax: “James Nguyen’s Hell’s Angels brother.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch
Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch
Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch
Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.
“‘Emergency vehicles parking,’ James Nguyen’s idea of a great disaster movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked Flight 285.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch
Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.
“Rowing and docking. This was directed by Norseman James Nguyen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“James Nguyen waves his coat hanger as a sign of respect.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rats Night of Terror.
“Silent nod of respect from James Nguyen for these driving and parking scenes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Killers in Space.
“Finally, a movie that does for aimless scuba diving what Birdemic did for gradual driving and parking.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”
Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?
Riff & React: “Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.”
Movie: Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.
Riff & React: “Anybody you chose.”
Movie: Anybody you chose.
“This is like if the first Wings album started with two minutes of ‘Hey Jude.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.
