“Ladies and gentlemen, the First Amendment as interpreted by Tito Puente.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Bill of Rights in Action.
Author: Rifftrax
Riff & React: Bill & The Big Yellow Fellow
Movie: All sorts of things you have to know about school buses, son.Bill: –Like you don’t need to wear a seat belt in one for some reason. Riff & React pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Big Yellow Fellow.
“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
“I’m not getting off this swing until I figure out my own gender.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Being On Time Game.
“Classic childhood milestones: get a bike, learn to ride it, get chased off it by a living sack.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Baggs (Studio ed.).
“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.
“Wait. There’s more than one crappy musical about paying rent?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.
“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.
“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.
“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.
“Holy crap, Inglewood likes to compost!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The ABC of Walking Wisely.
“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch
Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?
“‘Ten Long Minutes,’ Peter Jackson’s adaptation of the book, ‘Two Minutes.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ten Long Minutes.
“This looks like a job for my lemon bar recipe.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Telephone for Help.
“Some kids think soccer is a sport, but police know it’s a threat to society.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Teenagers on Trial.
“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.
“She would go on to have Curly-related trauma for the rest of her adult life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swing Parade.
“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.
Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.
“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
“I love going to ‘A Nearby Lake.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Summer is an Adventure.
“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.
“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.
“Sorry to be so crunked on the goofballs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Study Skills: Verbal Communication Made Easy.
PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.
“A living clown erection. Hi kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story-telling: Can You Tell It In Order?
“Come to papa nude photos of Mamie Eisenhower.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story of a Teenage Drug Addict.
“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.
“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches
Riff & React: Mike & Starting School
Movie: She’s a ballerina. And what does she do, Pam?
“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch
Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.
“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.
“After all, what’s a spunk-man without his spunk bucket?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Spunky the Snowman.
“Critics agree, no movie has more incoherent bus chatter than Spiker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!
“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.
Sketches & Speeches: The “President Ford” Sketch
Bill: President Ford is about to speak.
“I don’t care. I’ll just read my Sylvia Plath book of affirmations.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Social Acceptability.
“No, it was the constant scarecrow cosplay that worried them.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Soapy The Germ Fighter (Live Edition).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch
Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.
“Is it the excessive skull thickness?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Snap Out Of It!
“All good friendships start with the bequeathing of a shovel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Skipper Learns a Lesson.
“Death takes a dump on us all at some point.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Six Murderous Beliefs.
“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
“Anybody need anything Walked or Texas ranged?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Silent Rage.
“Not many people heard it, but everyone single one who did went out and wrote their own hymn about stuff being quiet.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Silent Night: The Story of the Christmas Carol.
“I hope you kids like Scotch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shy Guy.
“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Terror By Night.
“SpongeBob Band-Aids turn me on.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Dressed To Kill.
“I wrote it myself, highlighting his love of mojitos and cat memes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Woman in Green.
“I feel like you really get me, Rolf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon.
“Hate to snap-judge, but England looks kinda gray.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace.
“Hey kids, proper grammar is everyone’s family.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Max Havoc: Ring of Fire.
“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.
“Well, you know this is about a woman because she’s got the heat full blast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: SHE.
“Treat the cone like a lover’s taunt nipple.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shapes We Live With.
“Ahh! Bury me with my Charlene Tilton poster.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shake Hands With Danger.
“I’m stickier than Tila Tequila on a Friday night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Seven Little Ducks.
“Her disgust at the currently allotted reading area fills her mouth with bile.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up a Room.
“Man, I hate cocky seniors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Senior Power.
“Come on! You call this a muffin eating scene?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Self-Conscious Guy.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed to the Haircut 100 concert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Seat Belts: The Life Saving Habit.
Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death
Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.
“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.
“Ding. Don’t talk to men with Bob Dylan moustaches.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Say No to Strangers.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
“Oh knee buttons, will you ever bring me peace?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“What do you think, background pervert?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa’s Spaceship.
“Back to the Snowland? Man, optimize your supply chain!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa Claus’ Workshop.
“And the children are thrown into a frenzy not seen since Stravinsky debuted The Rite of Spring.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy.
“And tea kettles are my only form of communication.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Yep, nothing says soldier like tight, red jeggings.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Narrating Another Woman” Sketch
Kevin: That night, mother found out father had been narrating another woman.
“He forgot to stay groovy and guard himself against stagflation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety Woman: In Danger Out of Doors.
“Umm, Gila was the doctor not the monster actually.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety with Animals.
“And literacy is out to a commanding, early lead.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety As We Play.
“Hey, they’re running out of ‘whoo whoo whoo whoo.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety – Harm Hides at Home.
“Young Bruce Springsteen, you stop running right now. And no, you are not born to do it, mister.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safe Living at School.
“I think I ruptured my bowl full of jelly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
“‘Brice Mack.’ Pretty sure that’s one of the names we invented for the guy in Space Mutiny.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ruby.
“Yep, if you earned an eye roll from Joe Estevez it’s time sort out your life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator
RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”
“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.
PixTrax: “The Art Garfunkel Army has finally seized power.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“Judson Landis will collaborate anything if the price is right. He’s a collabo-whore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Right or Wrong?
“Robot testicle flashback.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Special: 90s Cyber Thrillers.
“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).
“Good night fat astronaut. May flights of aliens sing thee to thy rest”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: HANGAR 18 (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Now, when they promised me a model sequence I was hoping for something with Kate Upton and a skipping rope.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Flight to Mars (Matthew J. Elliott, Ian Potter)
“A Plymouth Reliant shot through a chain link fence? Dial back the visual splendor please!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers.
“Yes, the things you use to pick up dog poo is now a major motion picture.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: SUMMER SHORTS BEACH PARTY.
“Hey, I’m a reptile. Anyone know why I have breasts?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Star Raiders.
PixTrax: “‘Give me the Gabe Kaplan,’ she told her hairdresser.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Space Mutiny.
“Airport Taco Bell was a terrible idea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Sharknado 2.
“You are a bikini bar waitress. Show some dignity!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Sharknado.
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