“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.
Author: Rifftrax
“Game. Set. Blanford.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Improve Your Pronunciation.
“Remember, blind obedience is the only cure for clown induced depression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Learning People’s Name” Sketch
Bill: Icebreaker. Get ready for ninety minutes of a corporate retreat where everyone sits in a circle learning people’s name through a fun game.
Riff & React: Mike & Ice Cream Man
Movie: I’m fixing up a little party for you.
“There’s a Kringle on the wing of the plane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
“Bob regrets not eating his twin in the womb.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: How To Keep A Job.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.
“The sadly, ironic juxtaposition you just saw in the cutaways was a lie, digitally manipulated by longtime enemies of Fred.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: How Much Affection?
PixTrax: “Bentals Unlimited. I wonder if they bent roats. I’d love to take my fids kishing.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Honor and Glory.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
“You got Venmo or are you one of those Zelle weirdos?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked: Flight 285.
“Traffic Education Unit: teaching about, and advocating for, a Steve Winwood based progressive rock group since 1945.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Highway Mania.
“Which one of you jerk wads got my essay on Hume’s Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School U.S.A.
“Are you ready for some Hinkelfinking?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School Hero.
Riff & React: Mike & Health: Your Posture
Movie: You’re neat and clean and healthy looking.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!
“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts.
“Boats. Photography. Caffeinated beverages. This movie has everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Before I Say Goodbye*
“We can’t spare seven seconds to draw a face on the bag!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Halloween Party.
PixTrax: “It stinks.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Gumby: The Movie
Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly
Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.
“God damn, you old-school sapping weeds!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goodbye, Weeds.
“This boy in his underpants, dragging a log, illustrates it well.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Health Practices.
“Chew deep into the afternoon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Eating Habits.
“Actual bears cooking porridge. Even ACI tipped their hat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
“‘Judson T’—a decent Landis, sure, but no ‘Kenesaw Mountain.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Going Steady?
“Ugh. Every search party has to have a dreamer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flats.
“Okay, give me the full Clockwork Orange, doc. I can take it.”
RIff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Glasses for Susan.
“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gifts From The Air Cast List” Speech
“Yes, it’s Gifts from The Air with all your favorite characters:
“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
“When you get to hell, tell Hitler he’s a dick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ghost Rider.
“Willie is only vaguely familiar with the construction of his most prized possession.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Getting Angry.
“I filled a tire with pudding and set it on fire.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Get That Job.
“The smell of manure is traded for the stench of human depravity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Geography of Your Community.
“We should all start judging time in terms of when scientists arrive at airports.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Gammera The Invincible.
“Good, our new copy of ‘Hideous 80s Couples in Wretched Ugly Kitchens Monthly’ is here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Future Zone.
“Give me a good beer-belly beer. I gotta maintain.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Future Force.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch
Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.
“Ah yes, Moon Land. Great country before it got bombed back into the stone age in the third Balloon Land War.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fun In Balloon Land.
“Man, public education in the forties was surprisingly train-based.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Frustrating Fours and Fascinating Fives.
“I wonder what kind of jobs you can get with a degree in mystical camping?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frozen Scream.
“Reminds me of my youth. Sitting on the playground, divining I Ching hexagrams.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Friends.
“My heart. The doctor said I should avoid too much pizzazz.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Freddie Steps Out.
“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.
“‘Beneath the grotto’ is also where I’m gonna need you to focus my sponge bath.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
“Hey, Mac. Hi, pal. How ya doing, lady? Hey, there he is.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Flying Stewardess.
“Yeah, okay, but let’s go back to the guy flying on a giant metal wang.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Flying Saucer Mystery.
“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch
Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.
“It’s time for fish tracks.”
Riff pulled from Fishin’ With RiffTrax.
“Kids, all good first aid involves befouling the public water supply.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: First Aid for Children – I Can Do It Myself.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
“Stupid non-Wings Hauser actor. Why aren’t you Wings Hauser? God, I miss Wings Hauser. Now, that man can microwave a croissant.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.
“Santa Claus and kangaroos—yep, it’s Thanksgiving alright.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“I’m disappointed with your first quarter sales report, Thompson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Feelings: I’m Feeling Alone.
“He spends more time in the basement than the New York Jets.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
“The art department nailed what I thought her closet would look like.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders.
Nick Nolte Moment From Fears Of Children
Bill: Oh hey, Mr. Nolte.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“Mmm, authentic cactus bacon and horse eggs.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Shorts: Fashion Horizons.
PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.
“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.
“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.
“You know what though Mary Jo, if I lived on a farm I’d want it to be in the city, like with an open concept.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Autumn.
“Thanks for inviting me over to lunch, Jimmy. Your mom is delicious.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Babies and Their Mothers.
“A farm is a grotesque eating machine.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Animals.
“Welcome to Waldrick, a tiny country bordered by Fredonia, Gilder, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead.
“Mom knew I despised crockery of any kind.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Family Teamwork.
“Cheerios, the Josh Groban of breakfast cereals.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Families: Food and Eating.
PixTrax: “Stand on the right if you’re fabulous!”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Families: Earning and Spending.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Guy From That Terrible Star Trek Movie” Sketch
Bill: Help! That guy from that terrible Star Trek movie is grabbing us.
“Never take dietary advice from a man whose head looks like a boiled onion.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Fad Diet Circus.
“Motionless in a Brady Bunch box.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Emergencies – What Would You Do?
“Yeah, I studied clarinet at Berkeley. Punched my conductor once. Now, I’m doing egg council shorts.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Eggs To Market.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch
Movie: Are you high on something?
“Does he do his homework and then listen to baseball on the radio? Or does he smear peanut butter on his chest and snort frozen peas?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Each Child is Different.
“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.
“Be ectothermic—lay leathery eggs in a sand hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Duck and Cover.
“It’s the Lego William Burroughs starter kit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drugs Are Like That.
“‘Zupnick-Curtis Enterprises’—when you want your film production to sound like office supplies.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Dreamscape.
“Ah Halloween, so many horn-based memories.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle.
“Or to put it simply, draw one side of a square a bunch of times.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Square.
“Elise Ruffini, professor of advanced rectangleology, and Harriet Knapp, parallelogram enthusiast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing For Beginners: The Rectangle.
Riff & React: Kevin & Dragon Wars: D-War
Movie: I’ve covered some crazy stories.
“Look at this, two stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dr. Who and the Daleks.
“I used to play synthesizer for the group ‘New Balance Factor.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Down and Out.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“It was time to go to YouTube comments and tell classical violinists they’re ugly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Get Angry.
“Oh, ‘When They Go Bush’ that’s the title of Lou Diamond Phillips’ book about his wife leaving him for Melissa Ethridge.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Be a Bloody Idiot.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
Riff & React: Mike & Dinosaurs: The Age of the Terrible Lizard
Movie: They were reptiles and they were hatched from eggs.
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