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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Author: Rifftrax

Written by RifftraxJanuary 26, 2021January 21, 2021

“Merlin does it all with the help of a tongue computer and a skunk.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alias St. Nick.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 25, 2021January 21, 2021

“So her mom is an enthusiastic gay man. So what?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol Trigger Films.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 24, 2021January 21, 2021

“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 23, 2021January 21, 2021

PixTrax: “Man, they really Nabooed the he’ll out of her, didn’t they?”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Aladdin.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 22, 2021January 21, 2021

“The depressed proboscis monkey wondered if his minstrel act was, perhaps, as offensive as the critics said.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 21, 2021January 20, 2021

Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family

Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 20, 2021January 20, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”

Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 19, 2021January 20, 2021

“Don’t get your hopes up guys. It’s Canadian stripping. She changes into a snowmobile suit.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 18, 2021January 20, 2021

“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 17, 2021January 20, 2021

“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 16, 2021January 20, 2021

“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).

Written by RifftraxJanuary 15, 2021January 20, 2021

“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 14, 2021January 20, 2021

PixTrax: “It just dawned on him that he has history’s worst soul patch.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: A Talking Cat!?!

Written by RifftraxJanuary 13, 2021January 20, 2021

“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 12, 2021January 20, 2021

“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 11, 2021January 20, 2021

“Ladder climbing college was six years I’ll never get back but totally worth it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day With Fireman Bill.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 10, 2021January 20, 2021

“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 9, 2021January 20, 2021

“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 8, 2021January 20, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”

Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 7, 2021January 20, 2021

“And she quickly loses interest in her ‘Tickle Me Yahoo Serious Doll.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 6, 2021January 20, 2021

“Care to grab an under done potato with me?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 5, 2021January 20, 2021

“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 4, 2021January 20, 2021

“We now join Juan and the Donkey Puncher on KMEX 103.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Boy of Mexico: Juan and his Donkey.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 3, 2021January 20, 2021

“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 2, 2021January 20, 2021

PixTrax: “Buff Hayden Christensen.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: 1990: Bronx Warriors.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 1, 2021January 20, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”

Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.

Written by RifftraxDecember 31, 2020December 30, 2020

“Next week on ‘Elderly Women Rummaging Through Things.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches.

Written by RifftraxDecember 30, 2020December 29, 2020

“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.

Written by RifftraxDecember 29, 2020December 28, 2020

“Hey, it’s kitchen Fonzi on HGTV.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: MST3K Reunion.

Written by RifftraxDecember 28, 2020December 30, 2020

“And now back to the ‘Real World: Nilbog.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.

Written by RifftraxDecember 27, 2020December 26, 2020

“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.         

Written by RifftraxDecember 26, 2020December 23, 2020

“‘That’s Our Bruce,’ Fridays at eight.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.

Written by RifftraxDecember 25, 2020December 23, 2020

“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.

Written by RifftraxDecember 24, 2020December 24, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship

Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.

Written by RifftraxDecember 23, 2020December 16, 2020

PixTrax: “Walker, Texas Eavesdropper.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker! 

Written by RifftraxDecember 22, 2020December 16, 2020

“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.

Written by RifftraxDecember 21, 2020December 16, 2020

“‘Three Nuns and a Little Dragon,’ Fridays on ABC.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Super Mario Bros.

Written by RifftraxDecember 20, 2020December 30, 2020

PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.

Written by RifftraxDecember 19, 2020December 30, 2020

PixTrax: “We now return to ‘The Adventures of Young John Cleese.'”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.

Written by RifftraxDecember 18, 2020December 16, 2020

“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.

Written by RifftraxDecember 17, 2020December 30, 2020

“Next, on ‘America’s Funniest Dimensional Transporter Bloopers.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Prisoners of the Lost Universe.

Written by RifftraxDecember 16, 2020December 11, 2020

“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.

Written by RifftraxDecember 15, 2020December 30, 2020

“‘Police Academy 14’ direct to Pluto TV.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Martial Law.

Written by RifftraxDecember 14, 2020December 30, 2020

“‘Douche Bottle and Skank,’ this fall on TNT.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.

Written by RifftraxDecember 13, 2020December 11, 2020

“‘Oh Yor,’ Wednesday nights after ‘Hello Larry.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Yor Hunter From the Future.

Written by RifftraxDecember 12, 2020December 12, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake

Movie: The evil is coming.

Written by RifftraxDecember 11, 2020December 30, 2020

“Next week on ‘Law and Order: Dumpster Pusher Unit.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The House On Sorority Row.

Written by RifftraxDecember 10, 2020December 5, 2020

“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.

Written by RifftraxDecember 9, 2020December 30, 2020

“Tonight on ‘Law and Order: Special Outfits Unit.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.

Written by RifftraxDecember 8, 2020December 30, 2020

“‘Law and Order: Special Gardening Unit.’ Drop your compost and spread ’em!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxDecember 7, 2020December 5, 2020

“Law and Order: Heavy Petting Unit.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: “MANOS” The Hands of Fate.

Written by RifftraxDecember 6, 2020December 4, 2020

“Satan talks to Mona, tonight on ‘Who’s The Boss?'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.

Written by RifftraxDecember 5, 2020December 5, 2020

“We now return to ‘Robert Z’Dar Puts On A Lab Coat and Makes a Grilled Cheese’ already in progress.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flatts.

Written by RifftraxDecember 4, 2020December 2, 2020

“And now back to this week’s episode of ‘Hi Honey, I’m Homo Erectus.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus!

Written by RifftraxDecember 3, 2020December 4, 2020

“Coming soon to ABC, ‘Extreme Home Invasion Makeover.’ They’re going to threaten your life and critique your wood paneling.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Samurai Cop.         

Written by RifftraxDecember 2, 2020December 4, 2020

“‘Cat Lover and The Software Salesman,’ this fall on the CW.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

Written by RifftraxDecember 1, 2020November 30, 2020

“It’s a wacky comedy about how she was shot in the head, so she moves to L.A. and gets a job on a small TV news station.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.

Written by RifftraxNovember 30, 2020November 28, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Bird Plague Movie” Sketch

Mike: I just don’t understand how we’re this far into a bird plague movie with no discussion of stock options.

Written by RifftraxNovember 29, 2020November 29, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch

Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.

Written by RifftraxNovember 28, 2020November 27, 2020

RiffTrax Tracks: “Hanging Out With My Enemies”

Written by RifftraxNovember 27, 2020November 25, 2020

“The director challenged them to walk less naturally than Rod from Birdemic.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Bark beetles cause forest fires. Good night.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“The high society equivalent of ‘uhh, I hear a mountain lion.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Power.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 26, 2020

Riff & React: “Bigfoot was forced to retreat deeper into the timberlands.”

Movie: Bigfoot was forced to retreat deeper into the timberlands.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Well, somehow the spruce bark beetles are to blame.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Star Games.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“No wait—that’s a bark beetle infestation.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Icebreaker.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Spruce bark beetles. I’d know their foul handiwork anywhere.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“I see a mountain lion. I got to get back to my house. You better get back to your car.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Oh, I hear a mountain lion!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Sorry, I thought I saw a spruce bark beetle.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 27, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Tree-Hugger Guy” Sketch

Bill: I hear a mountain lion.

Written by RifftraxNovember 25, 2020November 25, 2020

“We’ve heard tales of your cruelty. The Birdemic is nigh.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of The Amazon.

Written by RifftraxNovember 24, 2020November 20, 2020

“Ot-oh, we got a Birdemic situation. She’s going to Becky-it up out there.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.

Written by RifftraxNovember 23, 2020November 23, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech

Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.

Written by RifftraxNovember 22, 2020November 18, 2020

“This makes the Half Moon Bay Art and Pumpkin Festival look like a trip to Disneyland.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator.

Written by RifftraxNovember 21, 2020November 21, 2020

“What it would look like if NASA had hired James Nguyen to fake the moon landing instead of Kubrick.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.

Written by RifftraxNovember 20, 2020November 20, 2020

Riff & React: “Ten million dollars.”

Movie: Ten million dollars.

Written by RifftraxNovember 19, 2020November 18, 2020

“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.

Written by RifftraxNovember 18, 2020November 13, 2020

Riff & React: “There’s just nothing wrong with shooting a few damn birds.”

Movie: There’s just nothing wrong with shooting a few damn birds.

Written by RifftraxNovember 17, 2020November 13, 2020

“Rest of the movie is her picking up Rod from Birdemic and comparing their Mustangs’ mpg.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Astro Zombies.

Written by RifftraxNovember 16, 2020November 16, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch

Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.

Written by RifftraxNovember 15, 2020November 15, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch

Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.

Written by RifftraxNovember 14, 2020November 13, 2020

PixTrax: “Don’t let James Nguyen put footage of this in a terrible movie.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.

Written by RifftraxNovember 13, 2020November 10, 2020

“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.

Written by RifftraxNovember 12, 2020November 10, 2020

“Rob and Nathalie had a better date at good Viet-mese restaurant.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Written by RifftraxNovember 11, 2020November 10, 2020

PixTrax: “James Nguyen’s Hell’s Angels brother.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.

Written by RifftraxNovember 10, 2020November 10, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch

Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.

Written by RifftraxNovember 9, 2020November 9, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch

Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.

Written by RifftraxNovember 8, 2020November 8, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch

Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.

Written by RifftraxNovember 7, 2020November 4, 2020

“‘Emergency vehicles parking,’ James Nguyen’s idea of a great disaster movie.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked Flight 285.

Written by RifftraxNovember 6, 2020November 6, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch

Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.

Written by RifftraxNovember 5, 2020November 4, 2020

“Rowing and docking. This was directed by Norseman James Nguyen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.

Written by RifftraxNovember 4, 2020November 3, 2020

“James Nguyen waves his coat hanger as a sign of respect.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rats Night of Terror.

Written by RifftraxNovember 3, 2020November 2, 2020

“Silent nod of respect from James Nguyen for these driving and parking scenes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Killers in Space.

Written by RifftraxNovember 2, 2020November 4, 2020

“Finally, a movie that does for aimless scuba diving what Birdemic did for gradual driving and parking.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.

Written by RifftraxNovember 1, 2020November 4, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch

Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.

Written by RifftraxOctober 31, 2020October 1, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”

Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?

Written by RifftraxOctober 30, 2020October 1, 2020

Riff & React: “Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.”

Movie: Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.

Written by RifftraxOctober 29, 2020October 1, 2020

Riff & React: “Anybody you chose.”

Movie: Anybody you chose.

Written by RifftraxOctober 28, 2020October 1, 2020

“This is like if the first Wings album started with two minutes of ‘Hey Jude.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.

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