“I’ll dominate all conifers.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Relaxed Wife + Consuming Women.
Author: Rifftrax
“So, she’s just going to sit there in the duck urine?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Red Hen.
“Oh Dick, I just love Slayer!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Prom: It’s A Pleasure.
“The door just opened and now it smells like Bela Lugosi in here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Phantom Creeps.
“Those are the exact same words people use when trying to describe Rosie O’Donnell: ‘Ah, they. Um, them. Or, she. No, um, her. It! Yeah.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Parts of Speech.
“I’m giving you a wedgie with my mind.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Other Fellow’s Feelings.
“A common Transylvanian food that may be killing you. We’ll have the full story at ten.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Night That Dracula Saved The World.
“What child wouldn’t want a swan replica?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“Way to stereotype. Of course, the shoplifter is a folk-rock contemporary fan.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Myths of Shoplifting.
“The human is my lunch, Brad.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing.
“I’m going with ‘D’ because ‘Bedonger’ is a hilarious name.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Mysterious Message.
“’Hidden Sugar’ is the name of a smooth jazz album I recorded with Al Jarreau in the eighties.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Munchers.
“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.
“She could tell the skeleton belonged to a white person by The Decemberists ticket in its pocket.”
Rock ‘n’ Riffs pulled from RiffTrax: The Minion.
Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru
Movie: You know Rome?
“Discussing aging against a backdrop of today’s hottest baroque hits.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Maturing Woman.
“Watching one pool through another pool—this world is very pool-based.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.
“I love stuff from other people’s mouths.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Magic Shop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch
Mike: Whoa, he went there.
“All cartoons led me to believe that long underwear with butt flaps would be a bigger part of my life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Little King: Christmas Night.
“Finally, a movie that blends my two loves: close-ups of trash and the music of Iron Butterfly.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster.
“If there’s only one collaborator, who’d she collaborate with?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Lemonade Stand: What’s Fair?
“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.
“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.
“Poor dope. He always wanted a pool. In the end, he got himself a pool, but the price turned out to be a little high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Lady and the Rocket.
Riff & React: The Kids Guide to the Internet
Movie: Yahoo. I’ve heard of that.Connor or Sean: —Yahoo’s new slogan.
“Can we speak frankly about your stankiness?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts with Bridget & Mary Jo: The Joy of Living With Fragrance
“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.
PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.
PixTrax: “Wow, the inner tube under your pants look was huge in the sixties.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Hothead / The Forgetter.
“Right now, he’s going to pretend he’s Caroline in the City.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Home of the Future.
Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon
Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.
“I’ve seen enough tortoise ass to last a lifetime.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Hare & The Tortoise.
Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch
Kevin: We can go have sex.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gossip” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, I want to gossip about you, but you’re my only coworker. So, do you mind?
“She’s like Sgt. Shultz but with a better midriff.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.
“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but our policy won’t allow us to take checks written to the order of your ass.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: The Front Line.
“Finally, all the fun of looking at a fish tank without having to actually look at a fish tank.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Fish That Nearly Drowned.
“I hope this doesn’t sound culturally insensitive, but your religion eats.”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Wild Women of Wongo.
“Probably shouldn’t poop here. That would be a pretty big clue.”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Killers from Space.
“Did we order an ass?”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Hollywood After Dark.
“Yes, sir. This is what I do it for. To be lifted and caressed by other bediapered men.”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Giant of Marathon.
“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.
“‘The Day I Died’ the follow up to ‘The Night I Ate Two Baconator Triple Combos.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Day I Died.
“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.
“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.
“Damn kids; always interrupting my plant-sex.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Creeps Machine.
“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.
“Oh, leave her be. She has a Yankees jersey, a Mets clock, and a Dodgers posters. She’s clearly a very confused child.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Clean Club.
“We interrupt this mind-numbingly dull safety film to bring you a mind-numbingly dull safety film.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 2).
“Safer than Safeville and Safetown? You’re mad!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 1).
“Reproach and everlasting shame sits mocking in my pigtails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Calendar: How To Use It.
“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”
Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.
“People’s dreams are so boring even if they are wearing chaps in them.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Boy Who Didn’t Listen.
“The tam o’ shanter, the haggis of the hat world.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Retrograde Thrust” Sketch
Mary Jo: Oh yeah, that must be the retrograde thrust.
“Do you like my tam o’ shanter?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the First Amendment as interpreted by Tito Puente.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Bill of Rights in Action.
Riff & React: Bill & The Big Yellow Fellow
Movie: All sorts of things you have to know about school buses, son.Bill: –Like you don’t need to wear a seat belt in one for some reason. Riff & React pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Big Yellow Fellow.
“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
“I’m not getting off this swing until I figure out my own gender.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Being On Time Game.
“Classic childhood milestones: get a bike, learn to ride it, get chased off it by a living sack.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Baggs (Studio ed.).
“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.
“Wait. There’s more than one crappy musical about paying rent?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.
“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.
“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.
“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.
“Holy crap, Inglewood likes to compost!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The ABC of Walking Wisely.
“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch
Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?
“‘Ten Long Minutes,’ Peter Jackson’s adaptation of the book, ‘Two Minutes.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ten Long Minutes.
“This looks like a job for my lemon bar recipe.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Telephone for Help.
“Some kids think soccer is a sport, but police know it’s a threat to society.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Teenagers on Trial.
“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.
“She would go on to have Curly-related trauma for the rest of her adult life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swing Parade.
“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.
Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.
“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
“I love going to ‘A Nearby Lake.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Summer is an Adventure.
“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.
“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.
“Sorry to be so crunked on the goofballs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Study Skills: Verbal Communication Made Easy.
PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.
“A living clown erection. Hi kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story-telling: Can You Tell It In Order?
“Come to papa nude photos of Mamie Eisenhower.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story of a Teenage Drug Addict.
“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.
“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches
Riff & React: Mike & Starting School
Movie: She’s a ballerina. And what does she do, Pam?
“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch
Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.
“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.
“After all, what’s a spunk-man without his spunk bucket?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Spunky the Snowman.
“Critics agree, no movie has more incoherent bus chatter than Spiker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!
“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.
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