“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
Author: Rifftrax
Riff & React: Bill & Boy of India: Rama and His Elephant
Movie: A working elephant understands about 30 command words for doing different jobs.
Sketches & Speeches: The “This Is Boston” Speech
“Please, gentlemen. This is Boston. Can’t we fight over something civilized like Deflategate or whether the Dropkick Murphys kind of suck?”
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“Oh Ellen, thank you for being brave enough to give people like the Kardashians some attention.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
PixTrax: “Alright, first off let me just explain how I got Timothy B. Schmidt’s hair.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
“Billy is overcome with ennui at observing the mediocrity of his own neighborhood from above.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
“It’s like if Tim Tebow had decided to suck at rapping instead of football.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Bicycle Safety Camp.
“Flu shots and then cocktails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Hey, tell them what you’re going to growl. Growl. Then tell them what you growled.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Yeah, just have a nap and maybe duck down to the crap pile and have myself a roll. Perfect afternoon.
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behavior of Domestic Pigs.
“Ned Flanders does have a kicking onion.”
The Simpsons riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behave Bernard.
PixTrax: “Reggie’s a cross between Milhouse and Ralph Wiggum.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care Of Your Own Things.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“And speaking of others, if we learn to care for others, to respect others will learn how to care for, to respect our country.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Doing Things For Ourselves In School.
“I don’t know. That’s a pretty big wang to erase.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Broken Bookshop.
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Pretty pompous for a guy who spent five years masturbating into a pillow.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Sam Katzman, wildly considered the Orson Wells of stories about diamond powered, remote controlled, magnetic, science weapons.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“But you don’t understand. I’m a Robin and I strike fear into the hearts of men like real robins do.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Batman and Robin, the second worst serial after Apple Jacks.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“You’re always on the bat rag.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“You got to give your super villains their positive reinforcement or else they get cranky.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“It’s as I feared, my bat sperm are few and sluggish.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“We suspect sinister villain ‘The Valet.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Predicting drive-time radio news, the lamest super villain power of all-time.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“Science: pants not required.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
“Wait a minute. Zuromski worked on this? Well, if you have to watch a ‘Daily Problems’ short it may as well be a Zuromski.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Handling Daily Problems.
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“Does teleportation make your nipples tender?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Banks – The Money Movers.
“I prefer the term ‘de-oinkify.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Back to School with Joan Miller.
PixTrax: “Me on my way to work at The Limited.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Baby of the Bride.
“Hey, when super monsters attack you’re going to lose some kids to the rodents.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of Super Monsters.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
“I know we’re under siege guys, but you still got to get your Q/A audits done by six.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Attack From Space.
“Remember our safe word is ‘spider daddy.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ator, The Fighting Eagle.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire.
“Line your garbage with other garbage to create future garbage. It’s the circle of trash.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts Live!: At Your Fingertips: Sugar and Spice.
“All the young bagel heads are doing it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Play Clay.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
“Kids Under A Tarp: The Motion Picture”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Floats.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Forget playing stickball, Timmy. Slap on another coat of fuchsia.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Boxes.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Blood Exchanger Sketch”
Bill: We have a blood exchanger?
“The beer is pumped directly into John Goodman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It.
“Do the guests know they’re going to a remedial buffet?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Arranging the Buffet Supper.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
“Some people are Tracy Chapman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are People All the Same?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
“‘Aqua Frolics’ from the people that brought you ‘Asphalt Antics.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aqua Frolics.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
Nick Nolte Moment from Animal Homes
“Nick Nolte says, “Yeah, homes are fine, but they’re not for me.”
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“How many steps did we get in? Enough to go to Chili’s?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Angels’ Revenge.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
“And there it is. The last recorded instance of any human being happy on a commercial flight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Airplane Trip By Jet.
“So, Campbell Soup is made from wood if I understand this short correctly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 2.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“Well, if anyone knows anything about design it’s the makers of the Chevette.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
PixTrax: “Apologies in advance if I call you ‘Worf.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Amanda and the Alien.
“Ah, the fifties, when tween girls dressed like elderly, Russian babushkas.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Am I Trustworthy?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Alone At Home Speech”
“Alone at Home is not to be confused with Home Alone,
“Look at him, just flagrantly having a penis.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Allen Is My Brother
Nick Nolte Moment From Alien Outlaw
Bill: Nick Nolte’s mountain home.
“Merlin does it all with the help of a tongue computer and a skunk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alias St. Nick.
“So her mom is an enthusiastic gay man. So what?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol Trigger Films.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
PixTrax: “Man, they really Nabooed the hell out of her, didn’t they?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Aladdin.
“The depressed proboscis monkey wondered if his minstrel act was, perhaps, as offensive as the critics said.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics.
Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family
Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”
Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.
“Don’t get your hopes up guys. It’s Canadian stripping. She changes into a snowmobile suit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).
“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.
PixTrax: “It just dawned on him that he has history’s worst soul patch.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: A Talking Cat!?!
“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.
“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.
“Ladder climbing college was six years I’ll never get back but totally worth it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day With Fireman Bill.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“And she quickly loses interest in her ‘Tickle Me Yahoo Serious Doll.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Care to grab an under done potato with me?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
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