“Well, I’m glad this isn’t ‘Tara in the Wax Museum.’ Just two hours of Tara Reid wondering around a wax museum looking confused.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Author: Rifftrax
Sketches & Speeches: “The Peakviewing Transatlantic Sketch”
Bill: Peakviewing Transatlantic: sure we make films, but mostly we fly over oceans to look at mountains.
“Whatever you do, do not google ‘Chicago Boy Films.'”
First riff from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.
“Filmark. Like Noah’s Ark if all the animals were very sick.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm storm warning as well as a severely cheesy movie watch.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Bride and The Beast.
“This week on Funky Missile and the Uptown Scuds!”
First riff from RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident.
“Woolner Brothers. Hey Warner Brothers, does your “w” have a really cool flame on top of it? Yeah, we didn’t think so.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Hillbillys in a Haunted House.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Day The First Man Sketch.”
Mike: The day Lincoln got shot.
“Fear! My reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
First riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“You remember before Bernie Sanders, when the country was crawling with Polonia bros.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
“My kids never forgive me when I bought Super Polonia Brothers for Nintendo.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Feeders.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Sprach Zarathustra Speech.”
Kevin: Sounds like Sprach Zarathustra.
“Ah man, I got to mail this to Roger. He of all people will love this vengeance needs blood. Ha! Ha! Ha! That is so up Roger’s alley.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror.
PixTrax: “We now take you live to the set of the seventies porn film, The Life and Times of Grizzly Ass Hams.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Guy From Harlem.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Jesse Ventura Sketch”
Mike: Guys, I’m not sure what’s coming but this music is getting me pretty pumped up about it.
PixTrax: “Vacuum cleaners of the gods.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Supersonic Man.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes – Terror By Night.
PixTrax: “Presents the name that shocked the spelling world.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop 2.
PixTrax: “A font that says I hate your eyes.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Signal Lamp Sketch.”
Mike: A signal lamp trying to tell us something. Kevin, please decode.
PixTrax: “Scott Shaw presents default Adobe Premiere slate templates.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Rollergator.
PixTrax: “We now join an Iron Butterfly video already in progress.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
PixTrax: “Cornet presents: Putting on Gloves and You.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Japan Sketch.”
Mike: This movie brought to you by Japan.
“Edgewood Studios: we survived Time Chasers and Radical Jack. You think you can stop Edgewood Studios? Nothing can stop Edgewood Studios!”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Icebreaker.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Betty Columbia Speech.”
“Hi, guys. Betty Columbia here. Welcome to the show.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Four Seasons For Life Sketch”
Kevin: The Frankie Valli Institute!?! Ah crap, I was hoping for a sneak preview of The Jersey Boys film adaptation.
“If that turns out to be a Jellicle cat’s foot, I’m leaving.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dry Cleaner Sketch”
Kevin: What? Wait! What the—
“First, there was only darkness. Then there was synth.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Bounty Tracker.
“Roast in hell 1940s Batman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“Wonder if the Wizard ever had a tiff with Hooded Justice from the Watchmen over costume similarities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Journal of Vicky Vale, intrepid girl reporter. As I crept toward The Harbor Club, the odors of hooliganism and loaded potato skins mingled threateningly in the air.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
“It’s a hot one. I should have worn my seersucker balaclava.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Spontaneous combustion: it’s not just for elderly shut-ins anymore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“The Macarena starts arm out palm down, Callahan. You’re off the force!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14)
PixTrax: “Ikea’s new Kevorkian chair.”
PixTrax captured from RiffTrax Shorts: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“Batman and Robin presumed dead or squatting.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“Splendid! Care for some tweed?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3).
PixTrax: “How Apple wants you to see your year-old iPhone.”
PixTrax captured from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“I hear Batman doesn’t like green beans. You guys ever hear that?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“‘Unseen’ like A Million Ways to Die in the West.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“I once broke into his garage and ate a bag of his potting soil.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Much More Discrete Sketch”
Kevin: This is much more discrete then simply walking to the rendezvous point.
“Hand stamp undamaged—good! Sorry CBGB, The Wizard only pays one cover charge.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“I drank too much Moxie on the way here. I’m going to find a tinkle bush.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“I just want to forget you saying the phrase ‘wizard placenta.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Also, Batman smells like Aspercreme.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“I’m starting to think I can’t trust this known super villain associater.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“I want your insight as a dissipated gadabout.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
“There they go. John Goodman’s dirty undies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“I feel like even more of a douche smoking one of these and I’m already Robin.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Fatal Blast (Episode 7).
“It’s the museum of lame gang names.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“Now we can make our own table salt instead of buying it like suckers.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“Gross. It’s full of sexy The Penguin ladies Halloween costumes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“But I’m late for my Louis Nye resembling lesson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3).
“The cliffs of Gotham. This city’s got it all.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“First, I’m going to make Bill O’Reilly and Shaquille O’Neal kiss.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Pirate’s World Breakup Sketch”
Kevin: So, did you have fun in the Thumbelina room?
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech”
“My dearest Aunt Evelyn… The birds overcame us at dawn today. So many succumbed to their taunts and acidic poo. There are no words proper which to describe the calamity and ruination in this war of avian aggression. Your loving nephew, Milo.” Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech” pulled RiffTrax Live: Birdemic.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beach Blanket Assassins Sketch”
Mike: Frankie Avalon in Beach Blanket Assassins.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dear Diary Sketch”
Bill: Dear Diary, Mr. Clifford was worse than useless. He just sat there pretending to be dead most of the time.
Sketches & Speeches: “The What’s Crack? Sketch”
Bill: What’s a crack? Is it a baby?
Sketches & Speeches: “Fred Stanford’s Truck Sketch”
Bill: They blew up Fred Stanford’s truck.
Speeches & Sketches: Kevin Murphy’s “Wade William’s Go To Guy Speech”
“Ah yeah, Herbert Tevos he was Wade William’s go to guy every time he had a Lost Women project cued up. ‘Hey, where are the women lost this time, Wade?’ ‘On a mesa.’ ‘Well damn, you got to put me on this project. If you don’t have a soundtrack yet, I know this guy who […]
Sketches & Speeches: Mike Nelson’s “I Must Toil Speech”
“Sure sounds like some other kids are having fun outside, but I am one who is undeserving of fun at present. I must toil in silence, renouncing fleeting joys of this existence in favor of grander, richer pursuits that will carry me, and others, through a lifetime. Yes, I must write my Brony fan fiction.” […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The Bruce Springsteen’s Trailer Sketch”
Bill: Bruce Springsteen lives in a construction trailer?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Scold the Milk Sketch”
Mike: You have greatly disappointed me, milk.
Sketches & Speeches: Bridget Nelson’s “Mosh Pit Etiquette Speech”
“In the event of mosh pit, the boy pushes the girl from the back by the hips into the middle of the crowd. Or the girl holds tightly to the boy’s waist as he throws punches. Mosh pit etiquette calls for certain considerations that mean more fun for everyone. A courteous boy always picks up […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The Zombie Attack Sketch”
Bill: Ah, just as things are looking up for her—getting rid of a douchey husband—zombie attack. Isn’t that always the way though.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ed McMahon Serious Threat Sketch”
Bill: These aliens move like barges. They’re too slow to be a serious threat.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Andromeda Strain/Alien Sketch”
Mike: Hey, you got your Andromeda Strain in my Alien.
Sketches & Speeches: “The White Trash Twilight Skit”
Kevin: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s white trash phase…
Sketches & Speeches: “The Titular Buffalo Rider Sketch”
Mike: He rides a buffalo mind you, but he’s not the titular buffalo rider. Gonna be awhile until we get to him. Bill: Ah, come on! Mike: We apologize for any inconvenience, but in the meantime, please enjoy this shot of a man sitting on a buffalo. Bill: So, this isn’t even Buffalo Jones, a […]
Speeches & Sketches: Mike Nelson’s “What Chekov Said Speech”
“Remember what Chekov said: ‘If you devote a good portion of Act One, talking about orange juice,
Sketches & Speeches: “The Missal to the Moon Sketch”
Bill: So, um, they’re referring to a rocket, right, and not ‘missal’ as in the Catholic prayer book?
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Horse Racing Sketch”
Janet: And straight out of the gate it’s Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah with a strong lead followed by Baby Got Back and Precious Moments, and Scarface, Wobble Maker, and Beep-Bop-Boo bringing up the rear.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Mr. Fujiyama’s Lawn Sketch”
Mike: It appears the real criminal here is whoever is charging Mr. Fujiyama for lawn care and landscaping.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cumberbatch Sketch”
Mary Jo: Cumberbatch is back.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Corporate Murder Leadership Seminars Sketch”
Bill: Evil spirit’s axe focus seems inefficient. I mean had to go a long way to retrieve that axe, right? Probably passed by dozens of other perfectly good murder-implements. I’m just saying, diversify, it could be great for your growth potential.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beige Sketch”
Ian: I’ve never seen a more beige film than this?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Buy You A Hamburger Sketch”
Kevin: Hey Mike, I’ll buy you a hamburger.
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “So You’re a Model” Speech
“So, you’re a model, huh? We don’t get a lot of them here.
Sketches & Speeches: “My Favorite Yambaó Sketch”
Mike: Ninón Sevilla is my favorite Yambaó.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Spaceship Cooling Down Sketch”
Mary Jo: Oh that’s right, there’s a spaceship cooling down.
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “How Do I Know This You Ask Speech”
“How do I know this you ask? I’m in a bowling league with Starman.
Sketches & Speeches “The Swamp of Us Sketch”
Mike: Hi, we’re The Ravens. Welcome to this, the Swamp of Us. Please note we are not implying nor should you infer any ownership by us of the swamp.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Chinese New Year Sketch”
Mike: It’s their year of the cock celebration.
Sketches & Speeches: “The We Are Destroying Sketch”
Movie: Destroy! Destroy them!
RiffList: “Dave Ryder Nicknames”
Lump Drywall
Sketches & Speeches: “The Last Slumber Party Players Sketch”
Kevin: It was all a dream!
“Remember when you opened the advent calendar door for Christmas Eve and inside there was a skunk operating industrial machinery?”
RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness
RiffTrax Tracks: “O Come, All Ye Pretty Woman”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Workshop
Sketches & Speeches: “The Adorable Tots Steel Cage Death Match Sketch”
Bill: It’s Lupita versus Cindy Lou Who and Zuzu Bailey in a steel cage death match. Three adorable tots enter. Only one will survive!
