Category: Mike Nelson
“The very definition of horror: Jeff Foxworthy in a muumuu.”
RiffTrax: “MANOS” Hands of Fate
“You know the Exorcist was pretty scary, but it could have used more routine auto maintenance.”
RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“I keep this chair in my truck in case I want to sit and enjoy a dirt pile.”
RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“Assassin’s Creed: After the Hernia.”
RiffTrax: Final Justice
“This dimension’s theme is GeoCity’s Magic the Gathering fan page.”
RiffTrax: Merlin the Return
“He makes Cousin Balki look like a member of Seal Team Six.”
RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead
“Some men play the ponies, Marlowe blows all his money on diaphanous gowns.”
RiffTrax: Voodoo Man
RiffTrax Tracks: “Sponge Bath”
RiffTrax: Radical Jack
PixTrax: “Thanks weird Jim Henson”
RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flatts
Rifftrax Tracks: “Jack The Giant Killer: The Musical”
RiffTrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Plane is Landing Singers”
RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Hideous Sun Demon Round”
RiffTrax: The Hideous Sun Demon
RiffTrax Tracks: “Join The Marching Band Too”
RiffTrax Live: Summer Shorts Beach Party
RiffTrax Tracks: “Eye of the Deadly Prey”
RiffTrax: Deadly Prey
RiffTrax Track: “Hitting on Family Members”
RiffTrax Live: Birdemic: Shock and Terror
RiffTrax Tracks: “Tusk”
RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island
RiffTrax Tracks: “Clouds and Cities”
RiffTrax: Julie and Jack
RiffTrax Tracks: “Car Ride”
RiffTrax: The Revenge of Doctor X
RiffTrax Tracks: “Peter Graves”
RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident
“No, it’s Torlygid Rachimopt. You just showed us.”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Mysterious Message
“Bill and Frank roll on Shabbos?”
RiffTrax Shorts: You’re The Judge
“Amniotic wet look is so hot this year.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Animals
“They finally did it. They weaponized dad jokes.”
RiffTrax Live: Giant Spider Invasion
“As your milkman, I’m ashamed of you.”
RiffTrax: Measuring Man
“Well, at least this is ink that’s not being used to draw the Family Circus.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle
“A seven means a lizard-dimension ruled by gecko Roseanne Barr.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Measure Metric
“Lecture Cops this fall on TNT.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Ten Long Minutes
“Never ask a Deadhead their favorite version of ‘Dark Star.'”
RiffTrax Shorts: Warty, The Toad
“Hey, somebody play Kid Rock on the Bluetooth speaker. I want to hear that song about trying different things and smoking funny things.”
RiffTrax: The Million Eyes of Sumuru
PixTrax: “Henry Kissinger: Origins.”
RiffTrax: The Power
PixTrax: “I’m not Martin Landau. I look like him, but I’m not.”
RiffTrax: Giant from the Unknown
PixTrax: “Neil deGrasse Tyson just tweeted that these names are scientifically implausible.”
RiffTrax: Starship Invasions
PixTrax: “For those about to rock… we salute you.”
RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!
PixTrax: “Horribly framed, through a doorway…”
RiffTrax: The Guy From Harlem
PixTrax: “That’s right ladies, you’re looking at the owner of an IBM personal computer.”
RiffTrax: The Last Shark
PixTrax: “Tonight on Stuart Margolin P.I.”
RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident
PixTrax: “Though he’s probably disturbed by your giant old lady cans.”
RiffTrax: The Magic Sword
PixTrax: “Tim Conway’s ‘Dorf’ on the Final Solution.”
Rifftrax: Kill or Be Killed
PixTrax: “John Hurt and Walt Disney. They’re cops.”
Rifftrax: Hillbillys in a Haunted House
PixTrax: “Look at all the controls. How do they keep track of everything?”
RiffTrax: Plan Nine From Outer Space
PixTrax: “They really went out of their way to showcase the beauty of Iran, didn’t they?”
RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident
“Dressing like a Starksy and Hutch extra finally broke him.”
RiffTrax: The Dark
“This is probably a bad time to ask if I can borrow their plunger.”
RiffTrax: Fairy King of Ar
Discount ‘Scanners’ there turned my wang inside out, but otherwise I’m good.”
RiffTrax: Psychotronic Man
“We have a special suite for guys who look like Kyle MacLachlan.”
RiffTrax: Zombie: I Eat Your Skin
“I’m gonna go do levy town.”
RiffTrax: Plan 9 From Outer Space
“Now we can’t use our televiser to watch The Tonighter Show.”
RiffTrax: Plan Nine From Outer Space
“This maybe the first car chase where every car has a beaded seat cushion.”
RiffTrax: Icebreaker
“‘Guys Talking in Drab Rooms’ magazine gave this film five stars.”
RiffTrax: Killers from Space
“Out of the way. We’re henchmen. We have important henching to do.”
RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers
“When numismatists rumble.”
RiffTrax: Honor and Glory
“But I made a kick-ass Dinah Shore road trip mixtape.”
RiffTrax: City of the Dead
“Junior high is going to eat you alive, dweebis.”
RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!
“They’ve greenlit Alvin and the Chipmunks IV: Munks in Da’ Hood.”
RiffTrax: Hawk The Slayer
“Not many men are secure enough to hang their colonoscopy on the wall.”
Rifftrax: Grizzly
“Also, what human being would ever say a sentence like: ”He grows organic apples which I buy from him?'”
RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe
“Alfred Hitchcock: Soldier of Fortune.”
RiffTrax: Deadly Prey
“Souvenirs of Distinction. Looking for a plastic back scratcher with a sophisticated air? Try Souvenirs of Distinction.”
RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown
“My favorite or-pan was Olivar Twast”
RiffTrax: Miami Connection
Sketches & Speeches: The “They Call me ‘The Projector'” Sketch
Mike: They call me ‘The Projector.’
“Upside Down Shuffling on My Soccer Mattress: A Memoir.”
RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
“Prince of Persia: The Matlock Years.”
RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master
“Blowing for Beginners: Horns.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle
“What did you do today? Oh, I put on a bikini and watched a guy make out while another guy in a suit yelled at him.”
RiffTrax: Zombie: I Eat Your Skin
“Though your shirt opacity disgusts me.”
RiffTrax: Future Zone
“There’s gotta be something in here that makes the eighties bearable.”
RiffTrax Live: McGruff
Keep Rolling! 
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