“This maybe the first car chase where every car has a beaded seat cushion.”
RiffTrax: Icebreaker
“Except that lay-about Beetle Bailey. He plays by nobody’s rules.”
RiffTrax: McBain
“You know what they say, leg health starts at the crotch.”
RiffTrax: Cyber Tracker
“In fact, I took a note about how he wasn’t taking notes. It’s in my notes.”
Rifftrax: The Astro-Zombies
“‘Guys Talking in Drab Rooms’ magazine gave this film five stars.”
RiffTrax: Killers from Space
“Erich Von Daniken’s Cocktail Shakers of the Gods.”
RiffTrax Presents: Warning From Space
“I only date provosts.”
RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts
“I hope you like really tough, burnt meat and shitty scotch.”
RiffTrax: The Guy From Harlem
“Out of the way. We’re henchmen. We have important henching to do.”
RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers
“Yes, could you please say ‘skin of the plane’ one thousand percent less.”
RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers
“When numismatists rumble.”
RiffTrax: Honor and Glory
“Wow, I guess that sectional sofa dry-hump was better than it looked.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“They seem to be exploring a Brian Eno deep cut.”
RiffTrax: Bermuda Triangle
“The Mediterranean Deadpool searches for a mate using corny one-liners and fourth wall breaks.”
RiffTrax : Superargo and the Faceless Giants
“Flowers… candles… she really gets high school boys.”
RiffTrax Presents: High School Heroes
“Chub. Chub. Chub.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Values: Telling The Truth (Live)
“Damn, it’s already planet o’clock.”
RiffTrax Live: Star Raiders
“How many cigarettes does a guy got to smoke to get some lettuce around here?”
RiffTrax: Psycho II
“But I made a kick-ass Dinah Shore road trip mixtape.”
RiffTrax: City of the Dead
“The walrus was arraigned in superior court on 36 counts of first degree oystercide.”
RiffTrax: Fun in Balloon Land
“Well, moral of the story is always save your chimp receipts.”
RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant
“Junior high is going to eat you alive, dweebis.”
RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!
“Hey you. Your plaid game is weak.”
RiffTrax: Trucker’s Woman
“They’ve greenlit Alvin and the Chipmunks IV: Munks in Da’ Hood.”
RiffTrax: Hawk The Slayer
“That’s the most awkwardly placed wall anus I’ve ever seen.”
RiffTrax: Psycho II
“She just realized the Dalai Lama started putting hashtag YOLO at the end of his tweets.”
RiffTrax Presents: Scared to Death
“Do some curls, brah. It’s always time for tonin’.”
RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master
“A picture of Walt Disney to practice kissing with.”
RiffTrax Presents:The Amazing Mr. X
“Not many men are secure enough to hang their colonoscopy on the wall.”
Rifftrax: Grizzly
“Uh-oh. The Rats just bought a subwoofer.”
RiffTrax: Rats: Night of Terror
“Okay, by show of hands who was expecting to see a bag give birth tonight?”
RiffTrax Live: Summer Shorts Beach Party!
“Is it too late to be the mom on Family Ties?”
RiffTrax: Mutant
“Try not to think about our 36th president saying ‘bunghole.'”
RiffTrax: The Astro-Zombies
“I never saw the School House Rock on mandatory minimums so I have no idea about the legality of this.”
RiffTrax Presents: Angels’ Revenge
“Also, what human being would ever say a sentence like: ”He grows organic apples which I buy from him?'”
RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe
“Please Carrie, tone down the oppressive wackiness.”
RiffTrax: Prisoners of the Lost Universe
“Little Miss Muffet is out for revenge in the Tuffetening.”
RiffTrax: Kiss of the Tarantula
“She’s off to an assignation with her milliner.”
RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Dress to Kill
“Alfred Hitchcock: Soldier of Fortune.”
RiffTrax: Deadly Prey
“Do you even trickle down, bro?”
RiffTrax: Uninvited
“Souvenirs of Distinction. Looking for a plastic back scratcher with a sophisticated air? Try Souvenirs of Distinction.”
RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown
“My favorite or-pan was Olivar Twast”
RiffTrax: Miami Connection
“Oh, here’s your problem. The whole transmission is clogged with souls.”
RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls
“Ah honey, try not to run like a Martin Short character.”
RiffTrax: The Son of Hercules: Land of Darkness
“Because I’m sick of people slut shaming recipients of non-profit funding.”
RiffTrax: Honor and Glory
“Golda Meir sold Tupperware?”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Wonderful World of Tupperware
Sketches & Speeches: The “They Call me ‘The Projector'” Sketch
Mike: They call me ‘The Projector.’
“You know, good dirty talk rarely involves the word ‘trouser.'”
RiffTrax Live: Space Mutiny
“Upside Down Shuffling on My Soccer Mattress: A Memoir.”
RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
“Rebooting the ovarian operating system.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl
“I’m almost out of hand gestures. That’s how good it is.”
RiffTrax: Julie and Jack
“We hath 99 problems but a witch shall nary be one.”
RiffTrax: City of the Dead
“And she was saving her coccyx for marriage.”
RiffTrax Presents: High School Heroes
“Prince of Persia: The Matlock Years.”
RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master
“We’re hot air balloonists and we’re here to help.”
RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island
“Blowing for Beginners: Horns.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle
“Hey! The Damned went by Party City on their way to hell.”
RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls
“They’re trying to vaporize us, but no worries man, it’s chill.”
RiffTrax Live: Space Mutiny
“Damn! I can’t think of a single book with the name ‘Potter’ in the title.”
RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter)
“What did you do today? Oh, I put on a bikini and watched a guy make out while another guy in a suit yelled at him.”
RiffTrax: Zombie: I Eat Your Skin
“Hey, if it takes a world war and megalomania to get a couple communicating I say well done.”
RiffTrax Presents: She Demons
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
RiffTrax: Superhero and the Faceless Giants
“Extreme wizarding, brah.”
RiffTrax: Merlin the Return
“Yeah, that’s it baby. Let that narrative unfold through the choregraphy.”
RiffTrax: Final Justice
“White people: collect all seven.”
RiffTrax: Attack of The Puppet People
“This cyborg must be running vista.”
RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop 2
“Though your shirt opacity disgusts me.”
RiffTrax: Future Zone
“There’s gotta be something in here that makes the eighties bearable.”
RiffTrax Live: McGruff
“Meanwhile, Jesus carries a bucket.”
RiffTrax Live: Octaman
“His whole body is made of Madonna’s arms.”
RiffTrax: The Room
Keep Rolling! 
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