Riff & React: Bridget & What Will Bernard Do
Movie: Eight times.
Category: RiffTrax Presents
“But first let’s stop at the Stationers for some security envelopes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: What Mary Jo Wanted.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: What Mary Jo Shared.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
“‘Perhaps a philanderer but not an assassin’ is entirely the wrong thing to have on your Tinder profile.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Werewolf in a Girls’ Dormitory (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Warning from Space (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Her hairstyle is an off-label use of bumpits.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Vacation Days.
“Next episode, please!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 2.
“Anyone old enough to remember when Michael York was considered a movie star? No?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 1.
“These shoulder pads are a full time job.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Troublemaker.
“For once, I’m glad I didn’t go to refrigeration school.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Spring Collection.
“You know, as soon as this town gets Sara on track they can tackle the booming meth problem.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Snob.
“We demand freedom for ham slices now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Second Annual Bridget and Mary Jo Christmas Special.
“I’ll dominate all conifers.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Relaxed Wife + Consuming Women.
“Oh Dick, I just love Slayer!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Prom: It’s A Pleasure.
“Discussing aging against a backdrop of today’s hottest baroque hits.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Maturing Woman.
“Poor dope. He always wanted a pool. In the end, he got himself a pool, but the price turned out to be a little high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Lady and the Rocket.
Riff & React: The Kids Guide to the Internet
Movie: Yahoo. I’ve heard of that.Connor or Sean: —Yahoo’s new slogan.
“Can we speak frankly about your stankiness?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts with Bridget & Mary Jo: The Joy of Living With Fragrance
“Right now, he’s going to pretend he’s Caroline in the City.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Home of the Future.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gossip” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, I want to gossip about you, but you’re my only coworker. So, do you mind?
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but our policy won’t allow us to take checks written to the order of your ass.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: The Front Line.
“People’s dreams are so boring even if they are wearing chaps in them.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Boy Who Didn’t Listen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Retrograde Thrust” Sketch
Mary Jo: Oh yeah, that must be the retrograde thrust.
“Do you like my tam o’ shanter?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.
“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.
“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.
“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.
PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.
“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.
“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!
“I don’t care. I’ll just read my Sylvia Plath book of affirmations.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Social Acceptability.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch
Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Terror By Night.
“SpongeBob Band-Aids turn me on.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Dressed To Kill.
“I wrote it myself, highlighting his love of mojitos and cat memes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Woman in Green.
“I feel like you really get me, Rolf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon.
“Hate to snap-judge, but England looks kinda gray.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace.
“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.
“Well, you know this is about a woman because she’s got the heat full blast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: SHE.
“Man, I hate cocky seniors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Senior Power.
Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death
Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.
“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.
“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).
“Good night fat astronaut. May flights of aliens sing thee to thy rest”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: HANGAR 18 (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Now, when they promised me a model sequence I was hoping for something with Kate Upton and a skipping rope.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Flight to Mars (Matthew J. Elliott, Ian Potter)
“Hey, my bare boobs put you through private school.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: He Sees You When You’re Sleeping.
“I think you misinterpreted my need to poop.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Children of the Bride.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch
Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.
“Tell me, why do people in old-timey movies preface a question with the phrase ‘tell me’ when the interrogative nature of the statement demands a response anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space.
“Yes. Getting dressed in Minnesota takes half the day.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Play In The Snow.
“Sorry about the mess in here guys. I kinda live out of my dirigible.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Planet Outlaws (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Come on. I made cigarettes for breakfast. “
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Phoebe.
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Oh, Boy! Babies!
Movie: Okay everybody, let’s get them diapered.
“Yah, we need the reggae music now, Mary Jo. We make everybody feel high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Nobody Tells Me What to Do!
“No men were emasculated in the making of this film.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl.
“I have some very exciting news about decimal points.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Mother Was Never a Kid.
“You say: ‘Calm down, it’s impossible to contract freckles.’
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Brother is Afraid of Just About Everything.
“Well, calm down. This is no Wiggles concert. This is daycare. This is ‘The Show.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Mother of the Bride.
Riff & React: Bridget & Meet Mrs. Swenson
Movie: Alright, the Packers will be here in a few minutes!
“This movie contains uncredited dialogue written by Ed Wood. Enjoy in moderation.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Married Too Young.
“I got to open envelopes!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Marriage is a Partnership
“We need to protect people from reactions we can’t predict.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Lucky Day.
“My god! They’re killing non-consumers!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Life in the Suburbs.
“Some women don’t match their outfits to the counter. Can you imagine, Bridget?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey.
“You know, think what you want, but Roger Corman really revolutionized how bipeds were portrayed on screen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Last Woman on Earth.
“He’s always name dropping how his cousin is Rod of Asclepius.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Ladybug, Ladybug, Winter is Coming.
Sketches and Speeches: The “Lady Mobster” Sketch
Mary Jo: Whoa, was this what it was like for you Bridget when you became a lady mobster?
“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.
“Not New Yorker cartoon dry, but dry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Keeping Clean and Neat.
“Kids love embroidery.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Katy.
“You know, you have to encourage kids like him or they turn to drugs and improv.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Junior Prom.
“I just want to hold a file today that isn’t damp from sheriff sweat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Invasion of the Bee Girls (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.
“Which one of you jerk wads got my essay on Hume’s Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School U.S.A.
“Are you ready for some Hinkelfinking?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School Hero.
“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!
“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry The Dirty Dog.
“Boats. Photography. Caffeinated beverages. This movie has everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Before I Say Goodbye*
“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.
“My heart. The doctor said I should avoid too much pizzazz.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Freddie Steps Out.
“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.
“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch
Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.
“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.
“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.
“You know what though Mary Jo, if I lived on a farm I’d want it to be in the city, like with an open concept.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Autumn.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch
Movie: Are you high on something?
“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.
“‘Zupnick-Curtis Enterprises’—when you want your film production to sound like office supplies.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Dreamscape.
“London isn’t international. It’s just in a different country.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars.
“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.
“A codependent fairy godmother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Cindy Goes To A Party.
“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.
PixTrax: “Hey, this would make a good Star Trek set.”
Star Trek PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Cat-Women of the Moon.
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