“Sorry about the mess in here guys. I kinda live out of my dirigible.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Planet Outlaws (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
Category: RiffTrax Presents
“Come on. I made cigarettes for breakfast. “
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Phoebe.
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Oh, Boy! Babies!
Movie: Okay everybody, let’s get them diapered.
“Yah, we need the reggae music now, Mary Jo. We make everybody feel high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Nobody Tells Me What to Do!
“No men were emasculated in the making of this film.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl.
“I have some very exciting news about decimal points.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Mother Was Never a Kid.
“You say: ‘Calm down, it’s impossible to contract freckles.’
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Brother is Afraid of Just About Everything.
“Well, calm down. This is no Wiggles concert. This is daycare. This is ‘The Show.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Mother of the Bride.
Riff & React: Bridget & Meet Mrs. Swenson
Movie: Alright, the Packers will be here in a few minutes!
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Married Too Young.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Marriage is a Partnership
“We need to protect people from reactions we can’t predict.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Lucky Day.
“My god! They’re killing non-consumers!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Life in the Suburbs.
“Some women don’t match their outfits to the counter. Can you imagine, Bridget?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Last Woman on Earth.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Ladybug, Ladybug, Winter is Coming.
Sketches and Speeches: The “Lady Mobster” Sketch
Mary Jo: Whoa, was this what it was like for you Bridget when you became a lady mobster?
“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.
“Not New Yorker cartoon dry, but dry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Keeping Clean and Neat.
“Kids love embroidery.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Katy.
“You know, you have to encourage kids like him or they turn to drugs and improv.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Junior Prom.
“I just want to hold a file today that isn’t damp from sheriff sweat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Invasion of the Bee Girls (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.
“Which one of you jerk wads got my essay on Hume’s Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School U.S.A.
“Are you ready for some Hinkelfinking?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School Hero.
“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!
“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry The Dirty Dog.
“Boats. Photography. Caffeinated beverages. This movie has everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Before I Say Goodbye*
“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.
“My heart. The doctor said I should avoid too much pizzazz.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Freddie Steps Out.
“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.
“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch
Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.
“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.
“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.
“You know what though Mary Jo, if I lived on a farm I’d want it to be in the city, like with an open concept.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Autumn.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch
Movie: Are you high on something?
“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.
“‘Zupnick-Curtis Enterprises’—when you want your film production to sound like office supplies.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Dreamscape.
“London isn’t international. It’s just in a different country.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars.
“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.
“A codependent fairy godmother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Cindy Goes To A Party.
“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.
PixTrax: “Hey, this would make a good Star Trek set.”
Star Trek PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Cat-Women of the Moon.
“Every kitchen needs an Andy Warhol installation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Campbell’s Soup: The Magic Shelf.
PixTrax: “Bryan Ferry and Bruce Dern: mad scientists.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster Movie Mash-up.
“This Amazonian rainforest heat calls for a wool pashmina.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Bride of the Gorilla.
“So, you want to hear about the new Lean Cuisine I had today?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Boredom At Work.
“It’s like if Tim Tebow had decided to suck at rapping instead of football.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Bicycle Safety Camp.
“Flu shots and then cocktails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
PixTrax: “Me on my way to work at The Limited.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Baby of the Bride.
TBD
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire.
“How many steps did we get in? Enough to go to Chili’s?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Angels’ Revenge.
“Well, if anyone knows anything about design it’s the makers of the Chevette.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
PixTrax: “Apologies in advance if I call you ‘Worf.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Amanda and the Alien.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).
“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.
“‘Law and Order: Special Gardening Unit.’ Drop your compost and spread ’em!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
Riff & React: “So, I’m a stingy, old flattop?”
Movie: So, I’m a stingy, old flattop?
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Bride of the Gorilla
Movie: Don’t fight before dinner.
Riff & React: Matthew & Assignment: Outer Space
Movie: I have never felt so lonely.
Riff & React: Janet & Dreamscape
Movie: They’re getting progressively worse.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Last Woman On Earth
Movie: In a couple of days the stench alone will choke us.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Dark Future
“‘What is this place? Just shut up.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.” Golden Corral’s new slogan pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
“Oh gross. The ‘last burst’ is that pimple popping website.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
PixTrax: “Operator, I’m wearing a thing that makes me look like Anthony Kiedis.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Last Woman on Earth.
“Lumbering numbskulls. Unthinking. Unquestioning in their obedience. Yep, Morrissey fans every one.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express.
“Fear! My reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
First riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes – Terror By Night.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Betty Columbia Speech.”
“Hi, guys. Betty Columbia here. Welcome to the show.
Sketches & Speeches: Bridget Nelson’s “Mosh Pit Etiquette Speech”
“In the event of mosh pit, the boy pushes the girl from the back by the hips into the middle of the crowd. Or the girl holds tightly to the boy’s waist as he throws punches. Mosh pit etiquette calls for certain considerations that mean more fun for everyone. A courteous boy always picks up […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The Horse Racing Sketch”
Janet: And straight out of the gate it’s Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah with a strong lead followed by Baby Got Back and Precious Moments, and Scarface, Wobble Maker, and Beep-Bop-Boo bringing up the rear.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cumberbatch Sketch”
Mary Jo: Cumberbatch is back.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beige Sketch”
Ian: I’ve never seen a more beige film than this?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Spaceship Cooling Down Sketch”
Mary Jo: Oh that’s right, there’s a spaceship cooling down.
PixTrax: “He’s really putting out the BTUs.”
RiffTrax Presents: Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year
“Each year, countless children are taken by hobos and forced into a life of Christmas caroling. This is just one story.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Charlie’s Christmas Secret
RiffTrax Track: “Beyond Jingle Bells”
RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas
“Next, pause movie, google ‘What the heck are giblets?,’ let the truth sink in, and continue with disgusted face.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey
“It’s mental health improv night. I need a location and a psychiatric disorder.”
RiffTrax: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace
“He’s always bringing up his vasovagal syncope.”
RiffTrax Presents: Vacation Days
“Door Closers International. Wherever there’s a door open we are there.”
RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire
“Jack, you didn’t ‘Richard Gere’ the imp did you?”
RiffTrax: Jack the Giant Killer
“Gotta love a train service run by the Catholic church. They always pull out on time.”
RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express
“Dying is easy. Interesting Martian dramas are hard.”
RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars
“Don’t you think it’s weird that we have to undress for social studies?”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Troublemaker
RiffTrax Tracks: “Junior Black Dog”
RiffTrax Presents: Junior Prom
“Sorry baby, I can’t hold you. I’m living a lifestyle.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
“I can’t believe she’s flirting with a gastropod.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Ladybug, Ladybug, Winter Is Coming
“Hey, don’t be stingy with the Desitin.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter
“No, they’re mixing border collie in with the organic and yard waste.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry the Dirty Dog
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