“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.
Category: RiffTrax Presents
“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.
“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.
“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.
PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.
“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.
“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!
“I don’t care. I’ll just read my Sylvia Plath book of affirmations.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Social Acceptability.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch
Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Terror By Night.
“SpongeBob Band-Aids turn me on.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Dressed To Kill.
“I wrote it myself, highlighting his love of mojitos and cat memes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Woman in Green.
“I feel like you really get me, Rolf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon.
“Hate to snap-judge, but England looks kinda gray.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace.
“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.
“Well, you know this is about a woman because she’s got the heat full blast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: SHE.
“Man, I hate cocky seniors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Senior Power.
Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death
Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.
“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.
“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).
“Good night fat astronaut. May flights of aliens sing thee to thy rest”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: HANGAR 18 (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Now, when they promised me a model sequence I was hoping for something with Kate Upton and a skipping rope.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Flight to Mars (Matthew J. Elliott, Ian Potter)
“Hey, my bare boobs put you through private school.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: He Sees You When You’re Sleeping.
“I think you misinterpreted my need to poop.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Children of the Bride.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch
Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.
“Tell me, why do people in old-timey movies preface a question with the phrase ‘tell me’ when the interrogative nature of the statement demands a response anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space.
“Yes. Getting dressed in Minnesota takes half the day.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Play In The Snow.
“Sorry about the mess in here guys. I kinda live out of my dirigible.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Planet Outlaws (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Come on. I made cigarettes for breakfast. “
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Phoebe.
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Oh, Boy! Babies!
Movie: Okay everybody, let’s get them diapered.
“Yah, we need the reggae music now, Mary Jo. We make everybody feel high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Nobody Tells Me What to Do!
“No men were emasculated in the making of this film.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl.
“I have some very exciting news about decimal points.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Mother Was Never a Kid.
“You say: ‘Calm down, it’s impossible to contract freckles.’
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Brother is Afraid of Just About Everything.
“Well, calm down. This is no Wiggles concert. This is daycare. This is ‘The Show.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Mother of the Bride.
Riff & React: Bridget & Meet Mrs. Swenson
Movie: Alright, the Packers will be here in a few minutes!
“This movie contains uncredited dialogue written by Ed Wood. Enjoy in moderation.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Married Too Young.
“I got to open envelopes!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Marriage is a Partnership
“We need to protect people from reactions we can’t predict.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Lucky Day.
“My god! They’re killing non-consumers!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Life in the Suburbs.
“Some women don’t match their outfits to the counter. Can you imagine, Bridget?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey.
“You know, think what you want, but Roger Corman really revolutionized how bipeds were portrayed on screen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Last Woman on Earth.
“He’s always name dropping how his cousin is Rod of Asclepius.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Ladybug, Ladybug, Winter is Coming.
Sketches and Speeches: The “Lady Mobster” Sketch
Mary Jo: Whoa, was this what it was like for you Bridget when you became a lady mobster?
“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.
“Not New Yorker cartoon dry, but dry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Keeping Clean and Neat.
“Kids love embroidery.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Katy.
“You know, you have to encourage kids like him or they turn to drugs and improv.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Junior Prom.
“I just want to hold a file today that isn’t damp from sheriff sweat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Invasion of the Bee Girls (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.
“Which one of you jerk wads got my essay on Hume’s Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School U.S.A.
“Are you ready for some Hinkelfinking?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School Hero.
“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!
“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry The Dirty Dog.
“Boats. Photography. Caffeinated beverages. This movie has everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Before I Say Goodbye*
“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.
“My heart. The doctor said I should avoid too much pizzazz.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Freddie Steps Out.
“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.
“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch
Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.
“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.
“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.
“You know what though Mary Jo, if I lived on a farm I’d want it to be in the city, like with an open concept.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Autumn.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch
Movie: Are you high on something?
“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.
“‘Zupnick-Curtis Enterprises’—when you want your film production to sound like office supplies.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Dreamscape.
“London isn’t international. It’s just in a different country.”
The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars.
“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.
“A codependent fairy godmother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Cindy Goes To A Party.
“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.
PixTrax: “Hey, this would make a good Star Trek set.”
Star Trek PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Cat-Women of the Moon.
“Every kitchen needs an Andy Warhol installation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Campbell’s Soup: The Magic Shelf.
PixTrax: “Bryan Ferry and Bruce Dern: mad scientists.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster Movie Mash-up.
“This Amazonian rainforest heat calls for a wool pashmina.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Bride of the Gorilla.
“So, you want to hear about the new Lean Cuisine I had today?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Boredom At Work.
“It’s like if Tim Tebow had decided to suck at rapping instead of football.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Bicycle Safety Camp.
“Flu shots and then cocktails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
PixTrax: “Me on my way to work at The Limited.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Baby of the Bride.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hunch Might Be At The Cleaners” Sketch
Ian: I think his hunch might be at the cleaners.
“How many steps did we get in? Enough to go to Chili’s?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Angels’ Revenge.
“Well, if anyone knows anything about design it’s the makers of the Chevette.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
PixTrax: “Apologies in advance if I call you ‘Worf.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Amanda and the Alien.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).
“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.
“‘Law and Order: Special Gardening Unit.’ Drop your compost and spread ’em!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
Riff & React: “So, I’m a stingy, old flattop?”
Movie: So, I’m a stingy, old flattop?
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Bride of the Gorilla
Movie: Don’t fight before dinner.
Riff & React: Matthew & Assignment: Outer Space
Movie: I have never felt so lonely.
Riff & React: Janet & Dreamscape
Movie: They’re getting progressively worse.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Last Woman On Earth
Movie: In a couple of days the stench alone will choke us.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Dark Future
“‘What is this place? Just shut up.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.” Golden Corral’s new slogan pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
“Oh gross. The ‘last burst’ is that pimple popping website.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
Keep Rolling! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.