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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Category: RiffTrax Presents

Written by RifftraxNovember 23, 2022November 29, 2022

Riff & React: Bridget & What Will Bernard Do

Movie: Eight times.

Written by RifftraxNovember 22, 2022November 29, 2022

“But first let’s stop at the Stationers for some security envelopes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: What Mary Jo Wanted.

Written by RifftraxNovember 21, 2022November 29, 2022

TBD

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: What Mary Jo Shared.

Written by RifftraxNovember 14, 2022November 29, 2022

TBD

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

Written by RifftraxNovember 10, 2022November 29, 2022

“‘Perhaps a philanderer but not an assassin’ is entirely the wrong thing to have on your Tinder profile.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Werewolf in a Girls’ Dormitory (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxNovember 4, 2022November 12, 2022

TBD

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Warning from Space (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxOctober 23, 2022October 26, 2022

“Her hairstyle is an off-label use of bumpits.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Vacation Days.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 18, 2022September 20, 2022

“Next episode, please!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 2.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 17, 2022September 20, 2022

“Anyone old enough to remember when Michael York was considered a movie star? No?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 1.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 15, 2022September 15, 2022

“These shoulder pads are a full time job.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Troublemaker.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 7, 2022August 31, 2022

“For once, I’m glad I didn’t go to refrigeration school.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Spring Collection.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 3, 2022August 10, 2022

“You know, as soon as this town gets Sara on track they can tackle the booming meth problem.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Snob.

Written by RifftraxAugust 31, 2022August 10, 2022

“We demand freedom for ham slices now.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Second Annual Bridget and Mary Jo Christmas Special.

Written by RifftraxAugust 28, 2022August 1, 2022

“I’ll dominate all conifers.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Relaxed Wife + Consuming Women.

Written by RifftraxAugust 26, 2022August 1, 2022

“Oh Dick, I just love Slayer!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Prom: It’s A Pleasure.

Written by RifftraxAugust 13, 2022July 30, 2022

“Discussing aging against a backdrop of today’s hottest baroque hits.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Maturing Woman.

Written by RifftraxAugust 3, 2022July 22, 2022

“Poor dope. He always wanted a pool. In the end, he got himself a pool, but the price turned out to be a little high.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Lady and the Rocket.

Written by RifftraxAugust 2, 2022July 21, 2022

Riff & React: The Kids Guide to the Internet

Movie: Yahoo. I’ve heard of that.Connor or Sean: —Yahoo’s new slogan.

Written by RifftraxAugust 1, 2022July 21, 2022

“Can we speak frankly about your stankiness?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts with Bridget & Mary Jo: The Joy of Living With Fragrance

Written by RifftraxJuly 27, 2022July 19, 2022

“Right now, he’s going to pretend he’s Caroline in the City.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Home of the Future.

Written by RifftraxJuly 23, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Gossip” Sketch

Mary Jo: Bridget, I want to gossip about you, but you’re my only coworker. So, do you mind?

Written by RifftraxJuly 20, 2022July 14, 2022

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but our policy won’t allow us to take checks written to the order of your ass.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: The Front Line.

Written by RifftraxJuly 3, 2022June 21, 2022

“People’s dreams are so boring even if they are wearing chaps in them.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Boy Who Didn’t Listen.

Written by RifftraxJuly 1, 2022June 20, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Retrograde Thrust” Sketch

Mary Jo: Oh yeah, that must be the retrograde thrust.

Written by RifftraxJune 30, 2022June 20, 2022

“Do you like my tam o’ shanter?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.

Written by RifftraxJune 24, 2022June 15, 2022

“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.

Written by RifftraxJune 22, 2022June 15, 2022

“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.

Written by RifftraxJune 20, 2022June 14, 2022

“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.

Written by RifftraxJune 13, 2022June 11, 2022

“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.

Written by RifftraxJune 2, 2022June 1, 2022

PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.

Written by RifftraxMay 25, 2022May 2, 2022

“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.

Written by RifftraxMay 22, 2022March 29, 2022

“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!

Written by RifftraxMay 19, 2022May 30, 2022

“I don’t care. I’ll just read my Sylvia Plath book of affirmations.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Social Acceptability.

Written by RifftraxMay 17, 2022March 19, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch

Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.

Written by RifftraxMay 8, 2022March 14, 2022

“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”

The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Terror By Night.

Written by RifftraxMay 7, 2022March 14, 2022

“SpongeBob Band-Aids turn me on.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes: Dressed To Kill.

Written by RifftraxMay 6, 2022March 17, 2022

“I wrote it myself, highlighting his love of mojitos and cat memes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Woman in Green.

Written by RifftraxMay 5, 2022March 14, 2022

“I feel like you really get me, Rolf.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon.

Written by RifftraxMay 4, 2022March 12, 2022

“Hate to snap-judge, but England looks kinda gray.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace.

Written by RifftraxMay 2, 2022March 12, 2022

“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.

Written by RifftraxMay 1, 2022March 11, 2022

“Well, you know this is about a woman because she’s got the heat full blast.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: SHE.

Written by RifftraxApril 26, 2022March 10, 2022

“Man, I hate cocky seniors.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Senior Power.

Written by RifftraxApril 23, 2022March 9, 2022

Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death

Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.

Written by RifftraxApril 22, 2022March 8, 2022

“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.

Written by RifftraxMarch 30, 2022February 26, 2022

“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).

Written by RifftraxMarch 29, 2022February 26, 2022

“Good night fat astronaut. May flights of aliens sing thee to thy rest”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: HANGAR 18 (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxMarch 28, 2022February 25, 2022

“Now, when they promised me a model sequence I was hoping for something with Kate Upton and a skipping rope.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Flight to Mars (Matthew J. Elliott, Ian Potter)

Written by RifftraxFebruary 26, 2022February 18, 2022

“Hey, my bare boobs put you through private school.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: He Sees You When You’re Sleeping.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 19, 2022February 6, 2022

“I think you misinterpreted my need to poop.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Children of the Bride.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 13, 2022February 6, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch

Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 31, 2022January 29, 2022

“Tell me, why do people in old-timey movies preface a question with the phrase ‘tell me’ when the interrogative nature of the statement demands a response anyway?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 22, 2022January 22, 2022

“Yes. Getting dressed in Minnesota takes half the day.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Play In The Snow.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 20, 2022January 19, 2022

“Sorry about the mess in here guys. I kinda live out of my dirigible.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Planet Outlaws (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by Andy BondJanuary 17, 2022January 16, 2022

“Come on. I made cigarettes for breakfast. “

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Phoebe.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 4, 2022January 5, 2022

Riff & React: Mary Jo & Oh, Boy! Babies!

Movie: Okay everybody, let’s get them diapered.

Written by RifftraxDecember 28, 2021December 27, 2021

“Yah, we need the reggae music now, Mary Jo. We make everybody feel high.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Nobody Tells Me What to Do!

Written by RifftraxDecember 16, 2021December 15, 2021

“No men were emasculated in the making of this film.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl.

Written by RifftraxDecember 15, 2021December 14, 2021

“I have some very exciting news about decimal points.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Mother Was Never a Kid.

Written by RifftraxDecember 14, 2021December 13, 2021

“You say: ‘Calm down, it’s impossible to contract freckles.’

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Brother is Afraid of Just About Everything.

Written by RifftraxDecember 10, 2021December 9, 2021

“Well, calm down. This is no Wiggles concert. This is daycare. This is ‘The Show.’”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Mother of the Bride.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2021November 26, 2021

Riff & React: Bridget & Meet Mrs. Swenson

Movie: Alright, the Packers will be here in a few minutes!

Written by RifftraxNovember 16, 2021February 8, 2022

“This movie contains uncredited dialogue written by Ed Wood. Enjoy in moderation.”

The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Married Too Young.

Written by RifftraxNovember 15, 2021February 8, 2022

“I got to open envelopes!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Marriage is a Partnership

Written by RifftraxNovember 6, 2021November 5, 2021

“We need to protect people from reactions we can’t predict.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Lucky Day.

Written by RifftraxOctober 29, 2021October 31, 2021

“My god! They’re killing non-consumers!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Life in the Suburbs.

Written by RifftraxOctober 27, 2021October 27, 2021

“Some women don’t match their outfits to the counter. Can you imagine, Bridget?

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey.

Written by RifftraxOctober 24, 2021February 7, 2022

“You know, think what you want, but Roger Corman really revolutionized how bipeds were portrayed on screen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Last Woman on Earth.

Written by RifftraxOctober 22, 2021February 8, 2022

“He’s always name dropping how his cousin is Rod of Asclepius.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Ladybug, Ladybug, Winter is Coming.

Written by RifftraxOctober 21, 2021October 20, 2021

Sketches and Speeches: The “Lady Mobster” Sketch

Mary Jo: Whoa, was this what it was like for you Bridget when you became a lady mobster?

Written by RifftraxOctober 15, 2021October 15, 2021

“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.

Written by Andy BondOctober 11, 2021October 10, 2021

“Not New Yorker cartoon dry, but dry.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Keeping Clean and Neat.

Written by RifftraxOctober 9, 2021October 10, 2021

“Kids love embroidery.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Katy.

Written by RifftraxOctober 5, 2021October 4, 2021

“You know, you have to encourage kids like him or they turn to drugs and improv.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Junior Prom.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 23, 2021September 23, 2021

“I just want to hold a file today that isn’t damp from sheriff sweat.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Invasion of the Bee Girls (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxSeptember 19, 2021September 19, 2021

“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 11, 2021September 9, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch

Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?

Written by RifftraxSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 3, 2021September 1, 2021

“Which one of you jerk wads got my essay on Hume’s Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School U.S.A.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 2, 2021September 1, 2021

“Are you ready for some Hinkelfinking?

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: High School Hero.

Written by RifftraxAugust 30, 2021August 29, 2021

“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!

Written by RifftraxAugust 29, 2021December 17, 2021

“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry The Dirty Dog.

Written by RifftraxAugust 28, 2021January 31, 2022

“Boats. Photography. Caffeinated beverages. This movie has everything.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Before I Say Goodbye*

Written by RifftraxAugust 17, 2021August 16, 2021

“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.

Written by RifftraxJuly 31, 2021July 30, 2021

“My heart. The doctor said I should avoid too much pizzazz.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Freddie Steps Out.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2021July 29, 2021

“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.

Written by RifftraxJuly 25, 2021July 24, 2021

“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.

Written by RifftraxJuly 24, 2021July 23, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch

Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2021July 11, 2021

“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”

The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.

Written by RifftraxJuly 10, 2021July 9, 2021

PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.

Written by RifftraxJuly 9, 2021July 5, 2021

“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.

Written by RifftraxJuly 8, 2021July 5, 2021

“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.

Written by RifftraxJuly 7, 2021July 5, 2021

“You know what though Mary Jo, if I lived on a farm I’d want it to be in the city, like with an open concept.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Autumn.

Written by RifftraxJune 26, 2021June 26, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch

Movie: Are you high on something?

Written by RifftraxJune 24, 2021June 23, 2021

“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.

Written by RifftraxJune 21, 2021June 17, 2021

“‘Zupnick-Curtis Enterprises’—when you want your film production to sound like office supplies.”

The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Dreamscape.

Written by RifftraxJune 7, 2021June 6, 2021

“London isn’t international. It’s just in a different country.”

The first riff from RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars.

Written by RifftraxJune 2, 2021June 2, 2021

“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.

Written by RifftraxMay 8, 2021May 6, 2021

“A codependent fairy godmother.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Cindy Goes To A Party.

Written by RifftraxMay 1, 2021April 27, 2021

“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.

Written by RifftraxApril 29, 2021April 27, 2021

PixTrax: “Hey, this would make a good Star Trek set.”

Star Trek PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Cat-Women of the Moon.

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