“Can my pocket help?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building Better Paragraphs.”
Category: RiffTrax Shorts
“Pregnant women and the elderly should not attempt sub-topics without a doctor’s approval.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building An Outline.
Riff & React: Bill & Boy of India: Rama and His Elephant
Movie: A working elephant understands about 30 command words for doing different jobs.
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
“So, you want to hear about the new Lean Cuisine I had today?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Boredom At Work.
“Billy is overcome with ennui at observing the mediocrity of his own neighborhood from above.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
“It’s like if Tim Tebow had decided to suck at rapping instead of football.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Bicycle Safety Camp.
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Ned Flanders does have a kicking onion.”
The Simpsons riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behave Bernard.
PixTrax: “Reggie’s a cross between Milhouse and Ralph Wiggum.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care Of Your Own Things.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“I don’t know. That’s a pretty big wang to erase.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Broken Bookshop.
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Sam Katzman, wildly considered the Orson Wells of stories about diamond powered, remote controlled, magnetic, science weapons.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“But you don’t understand. I’m a Robin and I strike fear into the hearts of men like real robins do.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Batman and Robin, the second worst serial after Apple Jacks.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“You’re always on the bat rag.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“You got to give your super villains their positive reinforcement or else they get cranky.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“It’s as I feared, my bat sperm are few and sluggish.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“We suspect sinister villain ‘The Valet.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Predicting drive-time radio news, the lamest super villain power of all-time.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“Science: pants not required.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
“Wait a minute. Zuromski worked on this? Well, if you have to watch a ‘Daily Problems’ short it may as well be a Zuromski.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Handling Daily Problems.
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“Does teleportation make your nipples tender?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Banks – The Money Movers.
“I prefer the term ‘de-oinkify.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Back to School with Joan Miller.
“Line your garbage with other garbage to create future garbage. It’s the circle of trash.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts Live!: At Your Fingertips: Sugar and Spice.
“All the young bagel heads are doing it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Play Clay.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
“Kids Under A Tarp: The Motion Picture”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Floats.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Forget playing stickball, Timmy. Slap on another coat of fuchsia.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Boxes.
“The beer is pumped directly into John Goodman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It.
“Do the guests know they’re going to a remedial buffet?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Arranging the Buffet Supper.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
“Some people are Tracy Chapman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are People All the Same?
“‘Aqua Frolics’ from the people that brought you ‘Asphalt Antics.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aqua Frolics.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
Nick Nolte Moment from Animal Homes
“Nick Nolte says, “Yeah, homes are fine, but they’re not for me.”
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
“And there it is. The last recorded instance of any human being happy on a commercial flight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Airplane Trip By Jet.
“So, Campbell Soup is made from wood if I understand this short correctly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 2.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“Well, if anyone knows anything about design it’s the makers of the Chevette.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
“Ah, the fifties, when tween girls dressed like elderly, Russian babushkas.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Am I Trustworthy?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Alone At Home Speech”
“Alone at Home is not to be confused with Home Alone,
“Look at him, just flagrantly having a penis.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Allen Is My Brother
“Merlin does it all with the help of a tongue computer and a skunk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alias St. Nick.
“So her mom is an enthusiastic gay man. So what?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol Trigger Films.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
“The depressed proboscis monkey wondered if his minstrel act was, perhaps, as offensive as the critics said.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics.
Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family
Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”
Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.
“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.
“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.
“Ladder climbing college was six years I’ll never get back but totally worth it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day With Fireman Bill.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“And she quickly loses interest in her ‘Tickle Me Yahoo Serious Doll.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Care to grab an under done potato with me?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“We now join Juan and the Donkey Puncher on KMEX 103.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Boy of Mexico: Juan and his Donkey.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship
Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.
PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.
“Bark beetles cause forest fires. Good night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ringo’s a Chicken” Sketch
Bill: That’s my favorite Beatles movie. Yellow Submarine was too weird. What the hell is with Magical Mystery Tour?
“As you are he and we are all together. Goo goo g’joob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
“I turned off my mind, relaxed, and floated down stream.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Self Conscious Guy.
Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Yep. Just an old man, with a sharp weapon, stamping baby butts on a conveyor belt. You know.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“Is there a human who can do that? I’m not comfortable with talking rumina.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
“Hey, tough guy. Yo, big shooter. Hey, steak escape. Ho ho, funky bunch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“Okay, now try beckoning not like a wraith trying to lure us into a hell dimension.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song For Santa.
“Sure, text books. Add those to the list of things that belong in a little girl’s room right under full-size piano and tree candles.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Oh boy! I’ve always wanted a creepy bandleader who says ‘yowser. ‘”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts From The Air.
“It looks like a hotel room that got trashed by The Decemberists.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up A Room.
“Roast in hell 1940s Batman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“Wonder if the Wizard ever had a tiff with Hooded Justice from the Watchmen over costume similarities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Journal of Vicky Vale, intrepid girl reporter. As I crept toward The Harbor Club, the odors of hooliganism and loaded potato skins mingled threateningly in the air.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
“It’s a hot one. I should have worn my seersucker balaclava.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Spontaneous combustion: it’s not just for elderly shut-ins anymore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
Keep Rolling! 
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