“They look hungry. Maybe we should show them a cartoon?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Toyland.
Category: Christmas
“Eat a fish, pull your beard, laugh about it—all classic snowman stuff!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Snowman.
“I like my ‘five-tini’ up, with an olive, no elf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Shoemaker and the Elves.
“We demand freedom for ham slices now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Second Annual Bridget and Mary Jo Christmas Special.
“What child wouldn’t want a swan replica?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“All cartoons led me to believe that long underwear with butt flaps would be a bigger part of my life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Little King: Christmas Night.
“Do you like my tam o’ shanter?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
“After all, what’s a spunk-man without his spunk bucket?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Spunky the Snowman.
“Not many people heard it, but everyone single one who did went out and wrote their own hymn about stuff being quiet.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Silent Night: The Story of the Christmas Carol.
“Oh knee buttons, will you ever bring me peace?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“What do you think, background pervert?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa’s Spaceship.
“Back to the Snowland? Man, optimize your supply chain!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa Claus’ Workshop.
“And the children are thrown into a frenzy not seen since Stravinsky debuted The Rite of Spring.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy.
“And tea kettles are my only form of communication.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Yep, nothing says soldier like tight, red jeggings.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“I think I ruptured my bowl full of jelly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
Riff & React: Kevin & RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Movie: I never saw such lazy people.
“Boy, this cartas fellow sure gets a lot of mail.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus.
“Woman, there’s another darn metal thing in the way of my hand scooping!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Oh boy, I shouldn’t have licked that toad.”
RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!
“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
“This looks like something that would appear in Homer Simpson’s head when he was supposed to be reading a safety manual.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Cracker.
“Hi. Bob Fungus. Which way is molding?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Father Frost.
“Eat my sleigh-wash you sawed-off, little freaks. I’m going to Ibiza!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
“Oh relax, it’s not poison. It’s elephant semen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.
“Pa, I want to be an influencer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: It’s A Wonderful Life.
“There’s a Kringle on the wing of the plane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
“But don’t post anything on Facebook. King Herod is always online.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Have A Mary Jo Christmas and A Bridget New Year!
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gifts From The Air Cast List” Speech
“Yes, it’s Gifts from The Air with all your favorite characters:
“And now the ancient tradition of giving a present to Tommy Lasorda.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: December Holidays.
“Whoa! A face like a squid’s anus.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
“The doughnuts give me the husky energy I need.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree.
“Is dad a retired stooge or something?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Toyshop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Not He-Man” Sketch
Bill: Now, which one these figures is Stinkor, the Evil Master of Odors?
“Chairman Mao goes nuts for a good nativity scene.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.
“Flu shots and then cocktails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
“Merlin does it all with the help of a tongue computer and a skunk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alias St. Nick.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“I wonder if she’s regretting the lip tattoo?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: A Very Merry Riff-mas (with Bridget and Mary Jo).
“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“And she quickly loses interest in her ‘Tickle Me Yahoo Serious Doll.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Care to grab an under done potato with me?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol.
“Hey, keep it down! We just got the baby Jesus to sleep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.
Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship
Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.
“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served by I Believe in Santa Claus
Movie: I can’t wait a few hours. I’m hungry.
Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”
Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.
“Which is my favorite kidnapping in this movie–don’t make me decide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
“Man, it’s tough to play the mandolin when your fingers are covered in hogs blood and bacon grease.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: X-mas Shorts-stravaganza!
PixTrax: “Welcome back to the secret lives of rural Liberace impersonators.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Hauled away, humiliated and wet, like every time I visit Applebee’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Man, that is one messed up amphibian.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Behold my powers of drapery procurement.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Ned Wertimer, he is good in everything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Ah, garage chess, the best kind of chess.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“Mark was tragically born with the body of a shop teacher.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring The Magic Christmas Tree.
“Okay lady, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Yep. Just an old man, with a sharp weapon, stamping baby butts on a conveyor belt. You know.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“Oh gross. The ‘last burst’ is that pimple popping website.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas.
“Is there a human who can do that? I’m not comfortable with talking rumina.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!
“Hey, tough guy. Yo, big shooter. Hey, steak escape. Ho ho, funky bunch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“Okay, now try beckoning not like a wraith trying to lure us into a hell dimension.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song For Santa.
“Yep, I’d love to help, but I’m spreading leptospirosis into this water right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
“Hey Timmy, could you grab my balls like 100 percent less?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
Sketches & Speeches: “The Polonia Brothers Erotica Sketch”
Kevin: Oh yes. Soap up there, mustache. That’s how Kevie likes it.
“Oh, when I get bored I mutilate phallic objects.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-stravaganza!
“The new Marmadukes are in. This will keep us laughing for months.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.
“Kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, the White Stripes babies.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus.
“Sure, text books. Add those to the list of things that belong in a little girl’s room right under full-size piano and tree candles.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Oh boy! I’ve always wanted a creepy bandleader who says ‘yowser. ‘”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts From The Air.
“I don’t know. I don’t think, say Carl Reiner, has a lot of growing up to do.”
Carl Reiner March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020
Sketches & Speeches: “The Pirate’s World Breakup Sketch”
Kevin: So, did you have fun in the Thumbelina room?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Last Slumber Party Players Sketch”
Kevin: It was all a dream!
“Remember when you opened the advent calendar door for Christmas Eve and inside there was a skunk operating industrial machinery?”
RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness
RiffTrax Tracks: “O Come, All Ye Pretty Woman”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Workshop
Sketches & Speeches: “The Adorable Tots Steel Cage Death Match Sketch”
Bill: It’s Lupita versus Cindy Lou Who and Zuzu Bailey in a steel cage death match. Three adorable tots enter. Only one will survive!
“For instance, did you know that Santa did a nickel in Greenville for check kiting?”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa
Sketches & Speeches: “The Guy from Simply Red Speech”
Kevin: On the right there, is that the guy from Simply Red?
RiffTrax Tracks: “Hannibal Lecter’s Christmas Trees”
RiffTrax: Christmas Circus
PixTrax: “He’s really putting out the BTUs.”
RiffTrax Presents: Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year
‘Very gradual teleportation is one of Santa’s lesser known powers.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy
RiffTrax Tracks: “Christmas Dream”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream
“Merry Christmas, you bunch of scramblepusses!”
RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts from the Air
Sketches & Speeches: Kevin Murphy’s “Third Runner-Up” Speech
“And now, the third runner-up in our Christmas diorama contest this year.
“Santa, can this common beach gorilla help?”
RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
“You can’t have any goose though, Tim. Just your usual cripple’s gruel.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol (Coronet)
Sketches and Speeches: “The 12 Days of Jack Frost Sketch”
Mike: Three meatheads staring.
PixTrax: “Do not open reporter till Christmas.”
RiffTrax: The Dark Power
“Yes, nothing says Christmas like a brown lawn and a stained driveway.”
RiffTrax: Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree
Riff & React: “I guess you’re still the boss.”
Movie: I guess you’re still the boss.
“Hey kid, this is Christmas. Try to look a little less like a Dorothea Lange photo can you?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far
“You have Santa’s loophole?”
RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening
“You know, I don’t approve of toys building other toys. It’s an unholy abomination.”
RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-Stravaganza!
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