“Some kids think soccer is a sport, but police know it’s a threat to society.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Teenagers on Trial.
Category: Educational
“I love going to ‘A Nearby Lake.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Summer is an Adventure.
“Sorry to be so crunked on the goofballs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Study Skills: Verbal Communication Made Easy.
“A living clown erection. Hi kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story-telling: Can You Tell It In Order?
“Come to papa nude photos of Mamie Eisenhower.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story of a Teenage Drug Addict.
Riff & React: Mike & Starting School
Movie: She’s a ballerina. And what does she do, Pam?
“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.
“I hate when people have to bring their emotional support office supplies everywhere.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Speak Up, Andrew!
Sketches & Speeches: The “President Ford” Sketch
Bill: President Ford is about to speak.
“I don’t care. I’ll just read my Sylvia Plath book of affirmations.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Social Acceptability.
“No, it was the constant scarecrow cosplay that worried them.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Soapy The Germ Fighter (Live Edition).
“Is it the excessive skull thickness?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Snap Out Of It!
“All good friendships start with the bequeathing of a shovel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Skipper Learns a Lesson.
“Death takes a dump on us all at some point.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Six Murderous Beliefs.
“I hope you kids like Scotch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shy Guy.
“Treat the cone like a lover’s taunt nipple.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shapes We Live With.
“Ahh! Bury me with my Charlene Tilton poster.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shake Hands With Danger.
“I’m stickier than Tila Tequila on a Friday night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Seven Little Ducks.
“Her disgust at the currently allotted reading area fills her mouth with bile.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up a Room.
“Man, I hate cocky seniors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Senior Power.
“Come on! You call this a muffin eating scene?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Self-Conscious Guy.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed to the Haircut 100 concert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Seat Belts: The Life Saving Habit.
“Ding. Don’t talk to men with Bob Dylan moustaches.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Say No to Strangers.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Narrating Another Woman” Sketch
Kevin: That night, mother found out father had been narrating another woman.
“He forgot to stay groovy and guard himself against stagflation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety Woman: In Danger Out of Doors.
“Umm, Gila was the doctor not the monster actually.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety with Animals.
“And literacy is out to a commanding, early lead.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety As We Play.
“Hey, they’re running out of ‘whoo whoo whoo whoo.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety – Harm Hides at Home.
“Young Bruce Springsteen, you stop running right now. And no, you are not born to do it, mister.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safe Living at School.
“Judson Landis will collaborate anything if the price is right. He’s a collabo-whore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Right or Wrong?
“Yes, the things you use to pick up dog poo is now a major motion picture.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: SUMMER SHORTS BEACH PARTY.
“Or my name isn’t the Dad from Alf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Reefer Madness.
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Ol’ #23
Movie: Maybe some of your parents have reupholster some old furniture and they can teach us as we go?
“Is this the film where they send the dogs to the gym and cats have to stay and watch it?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: It’s a Cat’s Life.
“I don’t think we can survive on boogers.”
Riff pulled from Holiday From Rules.
Nick Nolte Moment From Halloween Safety 2: Even Safer
Kevin: Hey, Nick Nolte!?!
“Rosemary’s one flaw was her man thumb.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: Good Grooming for Girls.
“What color do I feel like pooping?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: Frances and Her Rabbit.
“Phase one: get firehouse chimp. Phase two: question mark, question mark, question mark. Phase three: a more effective fire department.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Shorts: Chimp The Fireman.
“Kids love ‘Birthplace of Millard Fillmore.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care Of Things.
Riff & React: Mike & Basketball Is Fun
Movie: But let’s see a few of the approved ways to pass a basketball.
RiffTrax Track: “Clockwise (Number #9)”
The Beatles RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rhythmic Ball Skills.
“No doubt there’s already Rescueman-Safety Woman fanfic out there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rescueman.
“Your name is Dog Balls McQuack?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Remember Me.
PixTrax: “One of Gary Shandling’s early roles.”
PixTrax pulled from Reefer Madness – Three Riffer Edition.
“Hun, does it ever bother you that Timmy stays in his room all day listening to Bach cantatas and crafting unspeakable automata?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rediscovery: Puppets.
Riff & React: Kevin & Reading: Who needs it?
Movie: And I don’t need no English.
“His allegory is clumsy and maladroit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Reading Growth: Basic Skills.
“Steppenwolf’s great. They’re going to have way more hits than The Beatles.”
Beatles Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Reading From Now On.
“Not enough cheerleaders to spell out ‘slaughter our enemy.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Read On! from Left to Right.
“Okay class, today we’re gonna shake hands with danger.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Primary Safety: In the School Building.
“I hear the name Ruth G. Strickland and I imagine Donald Rumsfeld in drag.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Prickly the Porcupine.
“I wonder who said, “It’s a good shot, but I really think it could use a looming, khaki-clad ass.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Playing Together.
“We need the movie in our monitors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Play Safe (Live Edition).
“Yes. Getting dressed in Minnesota takes half the day.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Play In The Snow.
“Come on. I made cigarettes for breakfast. “
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Phoebe.
“Wait! Don’t re-toast the toast, you idiots!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Perc! Pop! Sprinkle!
“Sounds like ‘Tom’s Diner’ as performed by John Cage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: People Soup.
“‘Pearl of the Orient’ is the name of my drag cabaret character.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Pearl of the Orient.
“Unless Arbor Day and Life Day happen to coincide. Then, you know, Chewbacca’s out.”
Star Wars riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Patriotism.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Speedo Wearing Clowns” Sketch
Mike: I hate parades of aquatic champions. I’m scared of the Speedo wearing clowns.
“Look at that, poor kid’s addicted to sandwich fumes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Paper and I.
“Maybe he should try the Red Cross guide to sacking it up.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Overcoming Fear.
“The Count from Sesame Street has finally gone folk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: One Turkey, Two Turkey.
“Monkeys—always secreting hydrochloric acid.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: One Got Fat.
“Ophelia Dinsmore? That’s a flat out Monty Python name.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: On Guard – Bunco!
Riff & React: Mary Jo & Oh, Boy! Babies!
Movie: Okay everybody, let’s get them diapered.
“For instance, my hair says that I’m a pedantic douche.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nutrition: The All-American Meal.
“He’s the John Cage’s 4’33” of taking a dump.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Krasner.
“Well, anyway, here’s my speech entitled ‘Things I Shouldn’t Have Licked.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Gives a Speech.
“Want to lick my squirrel?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Checks In.
“Yah, we need the reggae music now, Mary Jo. We make everybody feel high.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Nobody Tells Me What to Do!
“Five budget items? I have twice that many bills in mail order meat club subscriptions alone.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Night of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2016.
“Kindergarten: over ninety-percent ‘storage problem solving!'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Night of the Shorts – SF Sketchfest 2015.
“No men were emasculated in the making of this film.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Naturally a Girl.
“I have some very exciting news about decimal points.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: My Mother Was Never a Kid.
“Whose natural poured concrete habitat had been meticulously recreated.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mr. Moto Takes a Walk.
“That and to issue confusing boners.”
Stiff Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mr. B Natural.
“Best anal glands in the business, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mother Goose’s Birthday Party with Ronald McDonald.
“Steam valves are for losers. Pans of gasoline, baby.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: More Dangerous Than Dynamite.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doing Words” Sketch
Mike: Doing words? Oh, let’s see. Well, roast comes to mind. Also, parboil, saute, baste, marinate, and dice.
“If we don’t hurry, all the good husbands will be taken.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Molly Grows Up.
Riff & React: Bridget & Meet Mrs. Swenson
Movie: Alright, the Packers will be here in a few minutes!
“Are you my new dad this week?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Measuring Man!
“Eat pigeon crap, heckler scum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Measure Metric.
“Here’s a great educational program about digesting your food which is preventing you from digesting your food.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mealtime Manners & Health.
“The sound of something circling a drain. I can’t imagine a better way to end an ACI short.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Masks of Grass.
“I got to open envelopes!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Marriage is a Partnership
“You’re less popular than the kid who called teacher ‘mommy.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Manners in School.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Powers of Darkness” Sketch
Mike: I summoned all the powers of darkness to bring my plush toy collection to life.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Giant X” Sketch
Bill: Oh god, a giant ‘X’ from nowhere!
“Made that rice disappear quicker than Jonah Hill at a Chinese buffet.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Magical Disappearing Money.
“That’s Dr. Gym Teacher to you. Now, drop and give me twenty.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Lunchroom Manners.
“Don’t let Keith Moon drive.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Love That Car!
Riff & React: Mike and Live and Learn
Movie: A campfire can be a lot fun, but it can also be very dangerous.
“Yeah, grandma loves wheat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Little Red Riding Hood.
“I can has battle to death with skunk baby?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Little Lost Scent.
“My god! They’re killing non-consumers!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Life in the Suburbs.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Seventies Hipster” Sketch
Bill: God, a seventies hipster!
“Some women don’t match their outfits to the counter. Can you imagine, Bridget?
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey.
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