“Why is Graham Parker showing us a nude photo of Stockard Channing?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Winterbeast.
Category: Bill Corbett
PixTrax: “The Mod Squad Babies.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Willy Whistle.
“If you listen closely, you can almost smell New Jersey.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: William From Georgia to Harlem.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Poems About Nature” Sketch
Bill: Too bad there are no good poems about nature.
“And the butterfly says, ‘That’s not a proboscis.’ Thank you. Thank you.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Watch Out For My Plant.
“Can we codify ‘Don’t Bogart that blunt’ into law?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Voting at 18.
“Hi, I’m John Wayne for existential despair.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Victory Squad.
“Sure, I can record a bitching guitar solo for you. Using it for a chase scene or an extreme sports montage? Oh, chicken movie, huh?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Unto the Least of These.
“I’m Clu Gulager. I’d like you to meet my brothers Monopoly Gulager and Scrabble Gulager.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Uninvited.
“What happens to a dream deferred? Does it get soggy like a cracker in the rain?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Understanding Your Ideals.
“He’s truckin’ but not like do-dah man. Arrest him!”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Truck Song.
“And what does it mean for the hammock lifestyle?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon.
“And now, Halloween’s Michael Meyers as Katie Holmes in a one woman tribute to Abraham Lincoln.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.
Rif & React: Bill & Total Riff Off Episode 6: Brazilian Bigfoot
Movie: At last, I can see all around me, rather than just staring into dense bush.
“Gator trapping is mostly about the laughs.”
Riff pulled from Total Riff Off Episode 3: Guy and a Goose.
“Weaker areas of knowledge include shoe purchasing and pants maintenance”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Tooth Truth with Harv and Marv.
“Such haphazard bunny placement.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Tommy’s Day.
“This is God. Meat Loaf was my greatest mistake. Sorry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: To Catch a Yeti.
“So, two years ago I got kicked in the head by a Clydesdale. Now, I make clocks out of children.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Tic Toc Time Clock.
“So what’s weirder, a talking dog or dog that wants to watch a kid rehearse theater?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Value of Teamwork.
“You know I have a bad feeling about this. White mice are the ‘red shirts’ of the animal kingdom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Tiny Astronaut.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Talking Cat!?!” Sketch
Kevin: The talking cat!?!
“Lesson number one for winter survival, do not watch the Star Wars Holiday Special.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Tale of Moose Baby.
“Stop handing me swords. My weapon is devastating sarcasm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sword and the Sorcerer.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Who’s Your Favorite Character So Far” Sketch
Bill: So, who’s your favorite character so far?
“You guys want any more monkey nads? If not I’m going to scrape the grill.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Revenge of Doctor X.
“Those are the exact same words people use when trying to describe Rosie O’Donnell: ‘Ah, they. Um, them. Or, she. No, um, her. It! Yeah.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Parts of Speech.
“I’m giving you a wedgie with my mind.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Other Fellow’s Feelings.
“Way to stereotype. Of course, the shoplifter is a folk-rock contemporary fan.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Myths of Shoplifting.
“’Hidden Sugar’ is the name of a smooth jazz album I recorded with Al Jarreau in the eighties.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Munchers.
Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru
Movie: You know Rome?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch
Mike: Whoa, he went there.
“Finally, a movie that blends my two loves: close-ups of trash and the music of Iron Butterfly.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster.
“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.
“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.
Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch
Kevin: We can go have sex.
“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.
“‘The Day I Died’ the follow up to ‘The Night I Ate Two Baconator Triple Combos.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Day I Died.
“Damn kids; always interrupting my plant-sex.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Creeps Machine.
“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.
“Oh, leave her be. She has a Yankees jersey, a Mets clock, and a Dodgers posters. She’s clearly a very confused child.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Clean Club.
“Reproach and everlasting shame sits mocking in my pigtails.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Calendar: How To Use It.
Riff & React: Bill & The Big Yellow Fellow
Movie: All sorts of things you have to know about school buses, son.Bill: –Like you don’t need to wear a seat belt in one for some reason. Riff & React pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Big Yellow Fellow.
“I’m not getting off this swing until I figure out my own gender.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Being On Time Game.
“Classic childhood milestones: get a bike, learn to ride it, get chased off it by a living sack.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Baggs (Studio ed.).
“Wait. There’s more than one crappy musical about paying rent?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.
“‘Ten Long Minutes,’ Peter Jackson’s adaptation of the book, ‘Two Minutes.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ten Long Minutes.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
“I love going to ‘A Nearby Lake.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Summer is an Adventure.
“Come to papa nude photos of Mamie Eisenhower.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story of a Teenage Drug Addict.
“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.
“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.
Sketches & Speeches: The “President Ford” Sketch
Bill: President Ford is about to speak.
“Is it the excessive skull thickness?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Snap Out Of It!
“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.
“Hey kids, proper grammar is everyone’s family.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Max Havoc: Ring of Fire.
“Treat the cone like a lover’s taunt nipple.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shapes We Live With.
“I’m stickier than Tila Tequila on a Friday night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Seven Little Ducks.
“Come on! You call this a muffin eating scene?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Self-Conscious Guy.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m headed to the Haircut 100 concert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Seat Belts: The Life Saving Habit.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
“What do you think, background pervert?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa’s Spaceship.
“Back to the Snowland? Man, optimize your supply chain!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa Claus’ Workshop.
“Yep, nothing says soldier like tight, red jeggings.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.
“Umm, Gila was the doctor not the monster actually.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety with Animals.
“And literacy is out to a commanding, early lead.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety As We Play.
“Hey, they’re running out of ‘whoo whoo whoo whoo.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safety – Harm Hides at Home.
“Yep, if you earned an eye roll from Joe Estevez it’s time sort out your life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator
“Robot testicle flashback.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Special: 90s Cyber Thrillers.
“Hey, I’m a reptile. Anyone know why I have breasts?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Star Raiders.
PixTrax: “‘Give me the Gabe Kaplan,’ she told her hairdresser.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Space Mutiny.
“You are a bikini bar waitress. Show some dignity!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Sharknado.
“Woman, there’s another darn metal thing in the way of my hand scooping!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Zombies Reminiscing” Sketch
Bill: Meanwhile the zombies are out there drinking PBR and reminiscing
Sketches & Speeches: The “Dragon Sound and Friendship For Life” Sketch.
Kevin: Well, that’s it. I’m burning all my Beatles albums. Dragon Sound and friendship for life. Yeah!
PixTrax: “Chester A. Arthur ladies and gentlemen.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: House on Haunted Hill.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Fish Licker”
“Fish Licker” pulled from RiffTrax Live: Hobgoblins.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch
Mike: Castleton college?
“Think Manos ever hangs out with Xenu at a bar for crappy deities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: “Manos” the Hands of Fate.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski”
“Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski” pulled from RiffTrax: Copper Mountain.
“Phase one: get firehouse chimp. Phase two: question mark, question mark, question mark. Phase three: a more effective fire department.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Shorts: Chimp The Fireman.
“Kids love ‘Birthplace of Millard Fillmore.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care Of Things.
RiffTrax Track: “Clockwise (Number #9)”
The Beatles RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rhythmic Ball Skills.
“No doubt there’s already Rescueman-Safety Woman fanfic out there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rescueman.
“Steppenwolf’s great. They’re going to have way more hits than The Beatles.”
Beatles Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Reading From Now On.
“Not enough cheerleaders to spell out ‘slaughter our enemy.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Read On! from Left to Right.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Truck Driving Blues”
“Truck Driving Blues” pulled from RiffTrax: Psychotronic Man.
“There is nothing cinematically superior to people entering dimly lit rooms and looking around. Besides maybe shots of baseboard caulk hardening.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Citizen Kane of Bad Movies” Sketch
Mike: And here we go with the Citizen Kane of bad movies.
“‘Pearl of the Orient’ is the name of my drag cabaret character.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Pearl of the Orient.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Speedo Wearing Clowns” Sketch
Mike: I hate parades of aquatic champions. I’m scared of the Speedo wearing clowns.
“Ophelia Dinsmore? That’s a flat out Monty Python name.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: On Guard – Bunco!
“One request, have townsfolk throw mud instead of tomatoes at me. I have a lycopene allergy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Oblivion.
“He’s the John Cage’s 4’33” of taking a dump.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Krasner.
“Why not? You’re five. It’s time to know your flour sifters!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Night of the Shorts – SF Sketchfest 2013.
“Rabbits look like they’re posing for their album cover. Lead singer in the middle. Guitarist on the right. Idiot replacement drummer on the top.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Night of the Lepus.
“Hi. Bob Fungus. Which way is molding?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Father Frost.
“Steam valves are for losers. Pans of gasoline, baby.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: More Dangerous Than Dynamite.
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