“Mommy’s lip sync is always off before her morning coffee.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up.
Category: RiffTrax Shorts
Sketches & Speeches: The “Bailey Films” Sketch
Bill: Bailey Films, a division of the Bailey Building and Loan.
“Not New Yorker cartoon dry, but dry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Keeping Clean and Neat.
“The ‘Keep Off The Grass’ cinematic universe is expanding very quickly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Keep Off The Grass.
“Kids love embroidery.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Katy.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Kangaroo Can’t Play Basketball” Sketch
Kevin: Wait a second. Is there a rule that says a kangaroo can’t play basketball?
“Ah great, a joy ride. These usually end well in educational films.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Joy Ride.
“How do these shorts manage to make the concept of children seem creepy?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Join Hands, Let Go!
“Post-op Orville Redenbacher was an excellent cosmetology educator.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Jobs in Cosmetology.
“Wearing his contempt like a badge; referring to his classmates as sheeple.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Jimmy of the Safety Patrol.
“You’re dead kid. I’m this land’s Usain Bolt.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Jack and the Beanstalk.
“It seems like things are getting better but as soon as someone drops a candy wrapper it will be The Monsters Are Due In Maple Street all over again.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: It Must Be The Neighbors.
“His debut gets a Jar Jar Binks like reception.”
Star Wars riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Individual Differences.
“I miss the thrill of mom’s melancholy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: In Between.
“Game. Set. Blanford.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Improve Your Pronunciation.
“Remember, blind obedience is the only cure for clown induced depression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
“Bob regrets not eating his twin in the womb.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: How To Keep A Job.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
“Yes, always capitalize ‘fart.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: How to be a Friend.
“The sadly, ironic juxtaposition you just saw in the cutaways was a lie, digitally manipulated by longtime enemies of Fred.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: How Much Affection?
“Traffic Education Unit: teaching about, and advocating for, a Steve Winwood based progressive rock group since 1945.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Highway Mania.
Riff & React: Mike & Health: Your Posture
Movie: You’re neat and clean and healthy looking.
“I’m a cowboy, but I just love teaching dressage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Harry The Dirty Dog.
“We can’t spare seven seconds to draw a face on the bag!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Halloween Party.
“God damn, you old-school sapping weeds!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goodbye, Weeds.
“This boy in his underpants, dragging a log, illustrates it well.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Health Practices.
“Chew deep into the afternoon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Eating Habits.
“Actual bears cooking porridge. Even ACI tipped their hat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goldilocks and the Three Bears.
“‘Judson T’—a decent Landis, sure, but no ‘Kenesaw Mountain.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Going Steady?
“Okay, give me the full Clockwork Orange, doc. I can take it.”
RIff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Glasses for Susan.
“So, all fungi please report to the cafeteria.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Girls Are Better Than Ever.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gifts From The Air Cast List” Speech
“Yes, it’s Gifts from The Air with all your favorite characters:
“When you get to hell, tell Hitler he’s a dick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ghost Rider.
“Willie is only vaguely familiar with the construction of his most prized possession.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Getting Angry.
“I filled a tire with pudding and set it on fire.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Get That Job.
“The smell of manure is traded for the stench of human depravity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Geography of Your Community.
“Man, public education in the forties was surprisingly train-based.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Frustrating Fours and Fascinating Fives.
“Reminds me of my youth. Sitting on the playground, divining I Ching hexagrams.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Friends.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
“Hey, Mac. Hi, pal. How ya doing, lady? Hey, there he is.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Flying Stewardess.
“Yeah, okay, but let’s go back to the guy flying on a giant metal wang.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Flying Saucer Mystery.
“Four out of five dentists surveyed recommend break dancing for their patients who chew gum.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Flash That Smile.
“Kids, all good first aid involves befouling the public water supply.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: First Aid for Children – I Can Do It Myself.
“Santa Claus and kangaroos—yep, it’s Thanksgiving alright.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“I’m disappointed with your first quarter sales report, Thompson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Feelings: I’m Feeling Alone.
Nick Nolte Moment From Fears Of Children
Bill: Oh hey, Mr. Nolte.
“Mmm, authentic cactus bacon and horse eggs.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Shorts: Fashion Horizons.
PixTrax: “LBJ: avid snowmobiler.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Winter.
“Oh no, all the cows are wearing the same outfit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Summer.
“Hey, a little privacy. I’m trying to pollinate here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Family in Spring.
“Thanks for inviting me over to lunch, Jimmy. Your mom is delicious.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Babies and Their Mothers.
“A farm is a grotesque eating machine.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Animals.
“Mom knew I despised crockery of any kind.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Family Teamwork.
“Cheerios, the Josh Groban of breakfast cereals.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Families: Food and Eating.
PixTrax: “Stand on the right if you’re fabulous!”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Families: Earning and Spending.
“Never take dietary advice from a man whose head looks like a boiled onion.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Fad Diet Circus.
“Motionless in a Brady Bunch box.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Emergencies – What Would You Do?
“Yeah, I studied clarinet at Berkeley. Punched my conductor once. Now, I’m doing egg council shorts.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Eggs To Market.
“Does he do his homework and then listen to baseball on the radio? Or does he smear peanut butter on his chest and snort frozen peas?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Each Child is Different.
“Mr. Grey began to change the typewriter ribbon, letting the thin strip of feathery fabric cascade over her wool-suited, beclad bosom.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Duties of a Secretary.
“Be ectothermic—lay leathery eggs in a sand hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Duck and Cover.
“It’s the Lego William Burroughs starter kit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drugs Are Like That.
“Ah Halloween, so many horn-based memories.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle.
“Or to put it simply, draw one side of a square a bunch of times.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Square.
“Elise Ruffini, professor of advanced rectangleology, and Harriet Knapp, parallelogram enthusiast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing For Beginners: The Rectangle.
“I used to play synthesizer for the group ‘New Balance Factor.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Down and Out.
“It was time to go to YouTube comments and tell classical violinists they’re ugly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Get Angry.
“Oh, ‘When They Go Bush’ that’s the title of Lou Diamond Phillips’ book about his wife leaving him for Melissa Ethridge.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Be a Bloody Idiot.
Riff & React: Mike & Dinosaurs: The Age of the Terrible Lizard
Movie: They were reptiles and they were hatched from eggs.
“Okay fruit, prepare to be looked at by a real pro.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Dining Together.
PixTrax: “A young Rachel Maddow looks perplexed.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Decisions Decisions.
“And now the ancient tradition of giving a present to Tommy Lasorda.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: December Holidays.
“Sad people soullessly stamping out product. This is how I picture Marvel films.”
Riff pulled from Day of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2019.
“Almonds! Who do you think we are, King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: David and Hazel: A Story in Communication.
“If I was homeless, I’d definitely urinate here!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shorts: Danger Keep Out!
“And can my resemblance to Mark Trail help in anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Damaged Goods.
“Those green egg trees are missing something. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Courtesy: A Good Eggsample.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hard Bop” Sketch
Bill: Kids really enjoy their hard bop, don’t they?
PixTrax: “Joseph Goebbels loves his recumbent bike.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cork – Crashes and Curiosities.
“I am a William Katt doppelganger, sir, and I deserve respect.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cops: Who Needs Them?
“Someone in the audience has to go to the bathroom but they’re worried he might light up the stage and wax a chump like a candle while they’re in there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool As Ice.
“Got a tartare of ear shell clams on two, make the Chateaubriand walk, and give the panna cotta wings!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cooks and Chefs.
“Tim is easily surprised by batter textures. It’s an endearing quirk of his.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cooking Terms.
“Huh? Constance Bennett presents her daily beauty rituals. I wonder what this one’s about?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Constance Bennett’s Daily Beauty Rituals.
“Ah, urinals and comic sans. Together at last.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Color It Clean.
“You know, when you think about it, there’s almost a certain logic to it that people associate coffee houses with coffee.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Coffeehouse Rendezvous.
“A codependent fairy godmother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Cindy Goes To A Party.
“Whoa! A face like a squid’s anus.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
“The doughnuts give me the husky energy I need.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree.
“Is dad a retired stooge or something?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Toyshop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Not He-Man” Sketch
Bill: Now, which one these figures is Stinkor, the Evil Master of Odors?
“Chairman Mao goes nuts for a good nativity scene.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Discussing Watchmen” Speech
“No, see, I have to agree with Alan Moore that the whole Before Watchmen thing is shameless.
“I hope Santa doesn’t bring him corn on the cob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Charlie’s Christmas Secret.
“Warnings by fish-headed Star Wars characters not withstanding”
Star Wars riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Carnivorous Plants.
“Every kitchen needs an Andy Warhol installation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Campbell’s Soup: The Magic Shelf.
“Dear Diary, my bowtie hates me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Call It Free Part 2.
“And replace the panties and check the tension of the g-string.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Call It Free Part 1.
“And don’t let your son join a band called ‘The Skinless Wieners.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Buying Food.
“The Muppets look more natural riding bikes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Busy Bodies.
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