Sketches & Speeches: Kevin Murphy’s “Third Runner-Up” Speech
“And now, the third runner-up in our Christmas diorama contest this year.
“Santa, can this common beach gorilla help?”
RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
“You can’t have any goose though, Tim. Just your usual cripple’s gruel.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol (Coronet)
Sketches and Speeches: “The 12 Days of Jack Frost Sketch”
Mike: Three meatheads staring.
PixTrax: “Do not open reporter till Christmas.”
RiffTrax: The Dark Power
“Yes, nothing says Christmas like a brown lawn and a stained driveway.”
RiffTrax: Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree
Riff & React: “I guess you’re still the boss.”
Movie: I guess you’re still the boss.
“Hey kid, this is Christmas. Try to look a little less like a Dorothea Lange photo can you?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far
“You have Santa’s loophole?”
RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening
“You know, I don’t approve of toys building other toys. It’s an unholy abomination.”
RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-Stravaganza!
“Don’t give your elf Viagra.”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Shoemaker and the Elves
“Each year, countless children are taken by hobos and forced into a life of Christmas caroling. This is just one story.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Charlie’s Christmas Secret
“Sweat really pooling up around my two turtle doves if you know what I mean.”
RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
Sketches & Speeches: “The Christmas Nostalgia Sketch”
Bill: Yeah, gotta admit guys all this tender Christmas nostalgia is kinda getting to me.
“Keep that Batman smells to your self, kids. I will not have him defamed on my sleigh!”
RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus
RiffTrax Track: “Beyond Jingle Bells”
RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas
Sketches & Speeches: “The Thanksgiving Carols Sketch”
Kevin: Ah, Thanksgiving carols. I remember going door-to-door singing carols in exchange for turkey.
PixTrax: “Thanksgiving is a Native American word meaning obscenely tall candles?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dining Together
“Next, pause movie, google ‘What the heck are giblets?,’ let the truth sink in, and continue with disgusted face.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey
“It was the best of turkeys, it was the worst of turkeys.”
RiffTrax Shorts: One Turkey, Two Turkey
“Modern plunger theory alone has become practically byzantine.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Color It Clean
“I hope they don’t have sleeves in jail.”
RiffTrax: Martial Law
“Tell Barney Rubble his wife’s hot.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dinosaurs
PixTrax: “Can you confirm my resemblance to Sam Elliott, over?”
RiffTrax: Warriors of the Wasteland
“It’s mental health improv night. I need a location and a psychiatric disorder.”
RiffTrax: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace
“She can ‘John’ my ‘Pertwee’ anytime.”
RiffTrax: Dr. Who and The Daleks
“And now it’s time for romantic carpentry.”
RiffTrax: Radical Jack
“He’s playing the home version of Broadchurch.”
RiffTrax: The Hideous Sun Demon
“He’s always bringing up his vasovagal syncope.”
RiffTrax Presents: Vacation Days
PixTrax: “The worst day of John Stossel’s life.”
RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening
“Door Closers International. Wherever there’s a door open we are there.”
RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire
“Hiding behind cereal grains like a true action hero.”
RiffTrax: Karate Cop
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Plane”
RiffTrax: Contamination
“Stay tuned for Walter Cronkite’s erotic yoga.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Getting Ready for School
“Pepto-Bismol. Is that a good mixer?”
RiffTrax Live: Sharknado
PixTrax: “The sexy side of the Three Stooges.”
RiffTrax: Swing Parade
“Can you marry beer?”
RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It
“Jack, you didn’t ‘Richard Gere’ the imp did you?”
RiffTrax: Jack the Giant Killer
PixTrax: “How can I fit more 2s on my hat?”
RiffTrax: Contamination
“I could be banging Marvin the Martian’s wife right now.”
RiffTrax: Feeders
“You borrowed some tampons, honey? Hey, I don’t make the heavy metal rules.”
RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare
“We both poop in a box on the floor.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up
“They ventured across the galaxy to tease our cats!”
RiffTrax: The Visitor
“–And then doing some kind of monster mash described by horrified onlookers as a graveyard smash.”
RiffTrax Live: Night of the Living Dead
“The very definition of horror: Jeff Foxworthy in a muumuu.”
RiffTrax: “MANOS” Hands of Fate
“You know, chicks don’t understand that sometimes a monster just needs to get his mash on.”
RiffTrax: Beast of the Yellow Night
“You know the Exorcist was pretty scary, but it could have used more routine auto maintenance.”
RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls
“Gotta love a train service run by the Catholic church. They always pull out on time.”
RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express
“This guy is exactly like my dentist, right down to the office monkey.”
RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens
“I have a doctorate in historical wang sizes .”
RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum
“I’m just a man with a burning desire to try on the dress shirts of other men.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Day with Fireman Bill
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“Your Spanish tendency to run ahead of castle tours is almost as bad as Hawaiians and their famous impressionability.”
RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror
“Dying is easy. Interesting Martian dramas are hard.”
RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars
“Disposing of the script for ‘Paul Blart III: Trouble in Fart City.'”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster
“Apes have a natural fear of cartoon lightning.”
RiffTrax: Windy the Swamp Boy
“Ah, so this is where they keep their stash. Hmm, Mendocino County sensimilla. Nice.”
RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back
“I keep this chair in my truck in case I want to sit and enjoy a dirt pile.”
RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“And for the 50th billionth time, I’m not prone to hyperbole.”
RiffTrax: Fever Lake
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“Up there on the castle’s ungroomed crotch.”
RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead
“Assassin’s Creed: After the Hernia.”
RiffTrax: Final Justice
“Your hair is even hockey-er than I remember.”
RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers
“This dimension’s theme is GeoCity’s Magic the Gathering fan page.”
RiffTrax: Merlin the Return
“I told him to never call when I’m shooting a bow and arrow off a lounge chair at night.”
RiffTrax: Death Promise
“Oh god! It’s those thugs from the University of Central Florida extension classes.”
RiffTrax Live: Miami Connection
“Don’t you think it’s weird that we have to undress for social studies?”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Troublemaker
“He makes Cousin Balki look like a member of Seal Team Six.”
RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead
“Some men play the ponies, Marlowe blows all his money on diaphanous gowns.”
RiffTrax: Voodoo Man
“Rutherford B. Hayes gets a lap dance.”
RiffTrax Live: Space Mutiny
RiffTrax Tracks: “Sponge Bath”
RiffTrax: Radical Jack
“Oh god. My PhD in circus studies didn’t prepare me for this.”
RiffTrax: The Little Unicorn
PixTrax: “Thanks weird Jim Henson”
RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flatts
Rifftrax Tracks: “Jack The Giant Killer: The Musical”
RiffTrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer
RiffTrax Tracks: “Going to A Slumber Party”
RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Plane is Landing Singers”
RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon
RiffTrax Tracks: “Son of the Nemean Lion”
RiffTrax: The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness
RiffTrax Tracks: “Carnival of Radio Stations”
RiffTrax: Carnival of Souls
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Hideous Sun Demon Round”
RiffTrax: The Hideous Sun Demon
RiffTrax Tracks: “Mr. Happy Pete”
RiffTrax: Radical Jack
RiffTrax Tracks: “Join The Marching Band Too”
RiffTrax Live: Summer Shorts Beach Party
RiffTrax Tracks: “Rockin Road Trip”
RiffTrax: Fever Lake
RiffTrax Tracks: “Cyborg Cop Flashdance”
RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Devil’s Hand Boogie”
RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand
RiffTrax Tracks: “Sonny Spiker Remix”
RiffTrax: Spiker
RiffTrax Tracks: “Eye of the Deadly Prey”
RiffTrax: Deadly Prey
RiffTrax Tracks: “It’s The Sixities Now”
RiffTrax: Brainiac
RiffTrax Tracks: “In The Laboratory”
RiffTrax: Neutron The Atomic Superman Vs The Death Robots
RiffTrax Tracks: “Birdemic Jam”
RiffTrax Live: Birdemic: Shock and Terror
RiffTrax Track: “Music Montage”
RiffTrax: Outlaw Alien
RiffTrax Tracks: “Imagine (All The Eagles)”
RiffTrax Live: Birdemic: Shock and Terror
RiffTrax Track: “Ripping Off”
RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare
RiffTrax Track: “Hitting on Family Members”
RiffTrax Live: Birdemic: Shock and Terror
RiffTrax Tracks: “Butt-Ugly Texas”
RiffTrax Live: “Manos” the Hands of Fate
RiffTrax Tracks: “Tusk”
RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island
RiffTrax Tracks: “Clouds and Cities”
RiffTrax: Julie and Jack
RiffTrax Tracks: “Douchey Yankees Hat”
RiffTrax: Firehead
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