“Kids love watching daredevils quietly sneak into mental hospitals to rescue bitter alcoholics.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!
Category: Action
“That President Nixon is a real cool cat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Velvet Smooth.
“Speaking of mistakes, I went hard on the seven-layer dip. I’m going to go wreck the billionaires’ men’s room.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business.
Riff & React: Kevin & Universal Soldier II: Brother In Arms
Movie: Police today are still on the lookout for Veronica Roberts
“Man can you wreck a can. Whoa. The waft just hit me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Trucker’s Woman.
“And what does it mean for the hammock lifestyle?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon.
“These two are about as covert as a pride parade.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness.
“I should warn you, my pants have a touch of Lycra for an easy feel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Retrievers.
“She could tell the skeleton belonged to a white person by The Decemberists ticket in its pocket.”
Rock ‘n’ Riffs pulled from RiffTrax: The Minion.
Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru
Movie: You know Rome?
Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch
Kevin: We can go have sex.
“She’s like Sgt. Shultz but with a better midriff.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.
“I hope this doesn’t sound culturally insensitive, but your religion eats.”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Wild Women of Wongo.
“Yes, sir. This is what I do it for. To be lifted and caressed by other bediapered men.”
Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Giant of Marathon.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.
Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.
“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.
“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.
“Anybody need anything Walked or Texas ranged?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Silent Rage.
“Hey kids, proper grammar is everyone’s family.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Max Havoc: Ring of Fire.
“Well, you know this is about a woman because she’s got the heat full blast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: SHE.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
PixTrax: “The Art Garfunkel Army has finally seized power.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“Airport Taco Bell was a terrible idea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Sharknado 2.
“You are a bikini bar waitress. Show some dignity!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Sharknado.
Riff & React: Kevin & RiffTrax Live: Samurai Cop
Movie: Feel like somebody stuck a big club up my ass and it hurts.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Dragon Sound and Friendship For Life” Sketch.
Kevin: Well, that’s it. I’m burning all my Beatles albums. Dragon Sound and friendship for life. Yeah!
“Yes, the poor wheat harvest was due to their mistaken belief that in Soviet Russia wheat harvests you.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Red Dawn.
PixTrax: “I write Drupal code.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Radical Jack.
“How much do you know about Vermont’s cheddar mining industry?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Pressure Point.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Fugitive Rage
Movie: Then you must have a very big ass.
“Is now the time to tell them I’m Robert Smigel? No, not yet.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Omega Cop.
“Enjoy the Dragon Sound concert tonight, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.
“Make them suffer. Only let them have access to those weird video games you can play on hotel room TVs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ninja Warlord.
Riff & React: Kevin & Neutron The Atomic Superman vs. The Death Robots
Movie: This is Professor Mensies.
“Because I need to catch up on my friend’s web series first. It’s about dating in L.A.—very fresh.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident.
“This here narrative has entered a Möbius strip of repeatin’ violence.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Atomic Garden.
“The history of cinema has a lot of mail checking scenes, but this one is definitely the best. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say ‘the best?’ I meant the ‘longest.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Miami Connection.
“Spanish guys with guns swarming over a wall—it’s a Lou Dobbs fever dream.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: McBain.
“Why did they make this prison so hard to get out of?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Maximum Revenge.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ninjas Suck Sketch”
Kevin: Wait! This guy—it just occurred to me—
Riff & React: Kevin & Martial Law 2
Movie: So, who’s the new girl?
PixTrax: “Classic. They’re playing good cop, Kenny Loggins-resembling cop.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Martial Law.
“Sun visor gun’s got nothing on ass-knife.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dangerous Men.*
PixTrax: “He should be at the skinny Adam West convention.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.
“My father said I’d never be able to extort city governments with a light blaster. How do you like me now, dad!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Light Blast.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
“I told you I can’t stand that tape of John Williams B-sides.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Kill and Kill Again.
“He gets so snippy when he’s sleeveless.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Karate Cop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Learning People’s Name” Sketch
Bill: Icebreaker. Get ready for ninety minutes of a corporate retreat where everyone sits in a circle learning people’s name through a fun game.
PixTrax: “Bentals Unlimited. I wonder if they bent roats. I’d love to take my fids kishing.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Honor and Glory.
“You got Venmo or are you one of those Zelle weirdos?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked: Flight 285.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
“I’m horny but not ‘me so horny.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“Live Chinese and krill comedy! Come see the very best in Chairman Mao impressions and crawfish anecdotes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Death Promise.
“‘Action International,’ parent company to ‘Romantic Comedy Regional.'”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
PixTrax: “Suddenly, out of nowhere, Duane Allman appeared.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Buffalo Rider.
“The worst complaint of all is Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo wasn’t long enough.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
Sketches & Speeches: The “This Is Boston” Speech
“Please, gentlemen. This is Boston. Can’t we fight over something civilized like Deflategate or whether the Dropkick Murphys kind of suck?”
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Hey, tell them what you’re going to growl. Growl. Then tell them what you growled.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Sam Katzman, wildly considered the Orson Wells of stories about diamond powered, remote controlled, magnetic, science weapons.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“But you don’t understand. I’m a Robin and I strike fear into the hearts of men like real robins do.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Batman and Robin, the second worst serial after Apple Jacks.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“You’re always on the bat rag.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“It’s as I feared, my bat sperm are few and sluggish.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“We suspect sinister villain ‘The Valet.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Predicting drive-time radio news, the lamest super villain power of all-time.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“Science: pants not required.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
“How many steps did we get in? Enough to go to Chili’s?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Angels’ Revenge.
PixTrax: “Buff Hayden Christensen.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: 1990: Bronx Warriors.
“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“‘That’s Our Bruce,’ Fridays at eight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.
PixTrax: “Walker, Texas Eavesdropper.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“‘Three Nuns and a Little Dragon,’ Fridays on ABC.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Super Mario Bros.
PixTrax: “We now return to ‘The Adventures of Young John Cleese.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“‘Police Academy 14’ direct to Pluto TV.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Martial Law.
“‘Douche Bottle and Skank,’ this fall on TNT.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.
“Tonight on ‘Law and Order: Special Outfits Unit.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
“Coming soon to ABC, ‘Extreme Home Invasion Makeover.’ They’re going to threaten your life and critique your wood paneling.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Samurai Cop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch
Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.
“No wait—that’s a bark beetle infestation.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Icebreaker.
“Sorry, I thought I saw a spruce bark beetle.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“We’ve heard tales of your cruelty. The Birdemic is nigh.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of The Amazon.
Riff & React: “Ten million dollars.”
Movie: Ten million dollars.
“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
Keep Rolling! 
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