Category: RiffTrax Movies
Sketches & Speeches: The “Am I A Good Cop?” Speech
“It’s times like this when you’re approaching a mortuary late a night,
Riff & React: Mike & Kingdom of Spiders
Movie: The venom we sent to the lab; it’s five times more toxic than normal.
“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.
“Clearly, we need a 20-part true crime podcast that tells maybe 40 minutes of story.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Killers From Space.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
“I told you I can’t stand that tape of John Williams B-sides.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Kill and Kill Again.
“He gets so snippy when he’s sleeveless.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Karate Cop.
“She walks like Rod from Birdemic.”
Birdemic Callback Riff pulled from RiffTrack: Julie and Jack.
“Well, “cool” in the sense orthopedic headgear and Ziggy comics are cool.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack-O.
“When you first open it, the hamster urine can be pretty powerful.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack The Giant Killer.
“Oh relax, it’s not poison. It’s elephant semen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.
“Pa, I want to be an influencer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: It’s A Wonderful Life.
“I just want to hold a file today that isn’t damp from sheriff sweat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Invasion of the Bee Girls (with Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).
“Laplanders can’t estimate size, that’s my favorite racists stereotype.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Invasion of the Animal People.
“Junior high health class was especially tough on William Cameron Menzies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Invaders from Mars.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Learning People’s Name” Sketch
Bill: Icebreaker. Get ready for ninety minutes of a corporate retreat where everyone sits in a circle learning people’s name through a fun game.
Riff & React: Mike & Ice Cream Man
Movie: I’m fixing up a little party for you.
“There’s a Kringle on the wing of the plane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
“I’d use a stud finder but I’m afraid it would just detect me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: House on Haunted Hill.
PixTrax: “Bentals Unlimited. I wonder if they bent roats. I’d love to take my fids kishing.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Honor and Glory.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
“You got Venmo or are you one of those Zelle weirdos?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked: Flight 285.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
PixTrax: “It stinks.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Gumby: The Movie
Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly
Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.
“Ugh. Every search party has to have a dreamer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flats.
“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
“We should all start judging time in terms of when scientists arrive at airports.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Gammera The Invincible.
“Good, our new copy of ‘Hideous 80s Couples in Wretched Ugly Kitchens Monthly’ is here.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Future Zone.
“Give me a good beer-belly beer. I gotta maintain.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Future Force.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch
Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.
“Ah yes, Moon Land. Great country before it got bombed back into the stone age in the third Balloon Land War.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fun In Balloon Land.
“I wonder what kind of jobs you can get with a degree in mystical camping?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frozen Scream.
“‘Beneath the grotto’ is also where I’m gonna need you to focus my sponge bath.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.
“I’m horny but not ‘me so horny.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
“Stupid non-Wings Hauser actor. Why aren’t you Wings Hauser? God, I miss Wings Hauser. Now, that man can microwave a croissant.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.
“He spends more time in the basement than the New York Jets.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
“The art department nailed what I thought her closet would look like.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“Welcome to Waldrick, a tiny country bordered by Fredonia, Gilder, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Guy From That Terrible Star Trek Movie” Sketch
Bill: Help! That guy from that terrible Star Trek movie is grabbing us.
Riff & React: Kevin & Dragon Wars: D-War
Movie: I’ve covered some crazy stories.
“Look at this, two stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dr. Who and the Daleks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
“Live Chinese and krill comedy! Come see the very best in Chairman Mao impressions and crawfish anecdotes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Death Promise.
“‘Action International,’ parent company to ‘Romantic Comedy Regional.'”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
“Ah, the California Angels. Such an uncomplicated, natural sounding team name. I hope it never changes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
“My hand! I needed that to feel up 7 of 9.”
Star Trek Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
PixTrax: “They’ve found a Metroid save point.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop 2.
“An Australian guy with a knife. Man, I just wish I could think of a reference here, guys. Coming up blank.”
This Crocodile Dundee reference pulled from RiffTrax: Cyber Tracker.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
“Hey, please don’t insult the puss-filled eggs by comparing them to Coors Light.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Contamination.
“That was one wild night—drank a bottle of Old Grand-dad, smoked a packed of cigarettes, and studied plankton till dawn.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The City of the Dead.
“Whoa! A face like a squid’s anus.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
“The doughnuts give me the husky energy I need.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree.
“He was kinda the Pete Best of the group.”
The Beatles riff pulled from RiffTrax: Charade.
“These two can’t stand each other, but they put it aside for the love of the dredging.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Carnival of Souls.
PixTrax: “Suddenly, out of nowhere, Duane Allman appeared.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Buffalo Rider.
“The worst complaint of all is Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo wasn’t long enough.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
Sketches & Speeches: The “This Is Boston” Speech
“Please, gentlemen. This is Boston. Can’t we fight over something civilized like Deflategate or whether the Dropkick Murphys kind of suck?”
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“Oh Ellen, thank you for being brave enough to give people like the Kardashians some attention.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
PixTrax: “Alright, first off let me just explain how I got Timothy B. Schmidt’s hair.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
“Hey, tell them what you’re going to growl. Growl. Then tell them what you growled.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Pretty pompous for a guy who spent five years masturbating into a pillow.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
“Hey, when super monsters attack you’re going to lose some kids to the rodents.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of Super Monsters.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
“I know we’re under siege guys, but you still got to get your Q/A audits done by six.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Attack From Space.
“Remember our safe word is ‘spider daddy.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ator, The Fighting Eagle.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Blood Exchanger Sketch”
Bill: We have a blood exchanger?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
Nick Nolte Moment From Alien Outlaw
Bill: Nick Nolte’s mountain home.
PixTrax: “Man, they really Nabooed the hell out of her, didn’t they?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Aladdin.
“Don’t get your hopes up guys. It’s Canadian stripping. She changes into a snowmobile suit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.
PixTrax: “It just dawned on him that he has history’s worst soul patch.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: A Talking Cat!?!
PixTrax: “Buff Hayden Christensen.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: 1990: Bronx Warriors.
RiffTrax: A To Z (Currently on the Letter L)
All through 2021… pulling one riff from every RiffTrax offering!
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
“Next week on ‘Elderly Women Rummaging Through Things.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches.
“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.
“And now back to the ‘Real World: Nilbog.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.
“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“‘That’s Our Bruce,’ Fridays at eight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fist of Fury.
PixTrax: “Walker, Texas Eavesdropper.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“‘Three Nuns and a Little Dragon,’ Fridays on ABC.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Super Mario Bros.
PixTrax: “We now return to ‘The Adventures of Young John Cleese.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
“Next, on ‘America’s Funniest Dimensional Transporter Bloopers.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Prisoners of the Lost Universe.
“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.
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