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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Category: RiffTrax Movies

Written by RifftraxDecember 5, 2022December 2, 2022

“Why is Graham Parker showing us a nude photo of Stockard Channing?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Winterbeast.

Written by RifftraxNovember 25, 2022November 29, 2022

“Now we’re going to see the horror movie trope where the cat jumps out, scares Charles Durning, and he eats it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back.

Written by RifftraxNovember 11, 2022November 29, 2022

“Speaking of a nuclear dump, the coffee’s kicking in. I’ll be right back.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Wes Craven’s Mind Ripper.

Written by RifftraxNovember 5, 2022November 29, 2022

“Scorpion and Little kid will return in Scorpion and the Little Kid Go Hawaiian.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Warriors of the Wasteland.

Written by RifftraxOctober 31, 2022November 12, 2022

“Let’s see, damp basement, bearded guys in capes, two strong indicators that the people around you care deeply whether Han shot first.”

Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.

Written by RifftraxOctober 30, 2022November 12, 2022

“Kids love watching daredevils quietly sneak into mental hospitals to rescue bitter alcoholics.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!

Written by RifftraxOctober 27, 2022October 26, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & Mike & Vengeance of the Dead

Movie: I figure I’ll bring back a pizza for supper.

Written by RifftraxOctober 26, 2022October 26, 2022

“That President Nixon is a real cool cat.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Velvet Smooth.

Written by RifftraxOctober 21, 2022October 19, 2022

“Speaking of mistakes, I went hard on the seven-layer dip. I’m going to go wreck the billionaires’ men’s room.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business.

Written by RifftraxOctober 20, 2022October 19, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & Universal Soldier II: Brother In Arms

Movie: Police today are still on the lookout for Veronica Roberts

Written by RifftraxOctober 19, 2022October 18, 2022

“I’m Clu Gulager. I’d like you to meet my brothers Monopoly Gulager and Scrabble Gulager.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Uninvited.

Written by RifftraxOctober 15, 2022October 18, 2022

“Man can you wreck a can. Whoa. The waft just hit me.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Trucker’s Woman.

Written by RifftraxOctober 13, 2022October 13, 2022

“And if I do this, I’ll magically like NASCAR?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.

Written by RifftraxOctober 12, 2022October 13, 2022

“And what does it mean for the hammock lifestyle?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon.

Written by RifftraxOctober 9, 2022October 8, 2022

“And now, Halloween’s Michael Meyers as Katie Holmes in a one woman tribute to Abraham Lincoln.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 29, 2022September 28, 2022

“This is God. Meat Loaf was my greatest mistake. Sorry.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: To Catch a Yeti.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 23, 2022September 24, 2022

Crocodile Dundee Riff From RiffTrax: Things

Kevin: I’d bring Crocodile Dundee in to comment on the knife situation, but I can’t subject him to this.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 22, 2022September 20, 2022

“You know, of all the things I thought we’d see in this movie, the deflowering of a camping stove is not one of them”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wonderful Land of Oz.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 21, 2022September 20, 2022

“You know what they say, you’re never truly broke if you have rage.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wizard.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 19, 2022September 20, 2022

“No one’s home. Time for some trademark Glen Ford skinny dipping. Just got to sunscreen-up the Glen Ford junk.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Visitor.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 18, 2022September 20, 2022

“Next episode, please!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 2.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 17, 2022September 20, 2022

“Anyone old enough to remember when Michael York was considered a movie star? No?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 1.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 11, 2022August 31, 2022

“But then I remembered Chuck is a heroin addict. Our supply was probably where it always was in the bag labeled heroin right in the cabinet labeled heroin.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Terrible Truth.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 8, 2022August 10, 2022

“Stop handing me swords. My weapon is devastating sarcasm.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sword and the Sorcerer.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 6, 2022August 10, 2022

“Nerd Defender, this fall on CBS.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 5, 2022August 10, 2022

“These two are about as covert as a pride parade.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 1, 2022August 10, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Who’s Your Favorite Character So Far” Sketch

Bill: So, who’s your favorite character so far?

Written by RifftraxAugust 31, 2022August 1, 2022

“You guys want any more monkey nads? If not I’m going to scrape the grill.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Revenge of Doctor X.

Written by RifftraxAugust 30, 2022August 1, 2022

Riff & React: Mike & The Return

Movie: I’m not used to lady scientists running through the streets of my little town.

Written by RifftraxAugust 29, 2022August 1, 2022

“I should warn you, my pants have a touch of Lycra for an easy feel.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Retrievers.

Written by RifftraxAugust 25, 2022August 1, 2022

“Better not be any kids here messing around with ouija boards, spirit summoning, automatic writing, catalepsy, divination, levitation, parakinesis, precognition, or xenoglossy!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Power.

Written by RifftraxAugust 24, 2022August 1, 2022

“The door just opened and now it smells like Bela Lugosi in here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Phantom Creeps.

Written by RifftraxAugust 16, 2022July 27, 2022

“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.

Written by RifftraxAugust 15, 2022July 27, 2022

“She could tell the skeleton belonged to a white person by The Decemberists ticket in its pocket.”

Rock ‘n’ Riffs pulled from RiffTrax: The Minion.

Written by RifftraxAugust 14, 2022July 27, 2022

Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Movie: You know Rome?

Written by RifftraxAugust 12, 2022July 24, 2022

“Watching one pool through another pool—this world is very pool-based.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.

Written by RifftraxAugust 10, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch

Mike: Whoa, he went there.

Written by RifftraxAugust 6, 2022July 21, 2022

“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.

Written by RifftraxAugust 5, 2022July 21, 2022

“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.

Written by RifftraxAugust 4, 2022July 21, 2022

“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.

Written by Andy BondJuly 31, 2022July 21, 2022

“You know, first rule of good-guying, never let the villain dictate your quip game.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Journey: Absolution.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2022July 21, 2022

“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.

Written by RifftraxJuly 29, 2022July 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.

Written by RifftraxJuly 26, 2022July 27, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon

Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.

Written by RifftraxJuly 24, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch

Kevin: We can go have sex.

Written by RifftraxJuly 22, 2022July 17, 2022

“She’s like Sgt. Shultz but with a better midriff.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.

Written by RifftraxJuly 21, 2022July 17, 2022

“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.

Written by RifftraxJuly 14, 2022July 12, 2022

“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2022July 11, 2022

“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.

Written by RifftraxJuly 11, 2022July 11, 2022

“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.

Written by RifftraxJuly 9, 2022July 8, 2022

“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.

Written by RifftraxJuly 4, 2022June 20, 2022

“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”

Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.

Written by RifftraxJuly 2, 2022June 20, 2022

“The tam o’ shanter, the haggis of the hat world.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.

Written by RifftraxJune 27, 2022June 20, 2022

“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.

Written by RifftraxJune 21, 2022June 14, 2022

“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”

The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.

Written by RifftraxJune 18, 2022June 14, 2022

“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.

Written by RifftraxJune 17, 2022June 14, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch

Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?

Written by RifftraxJune 12, 2022June 3, 2022

“She would go on to have Curly-related trauma for the rest of her adult life.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swing Parade.

Written by RifftraxJune 11, 2022June 3, 2022

“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.

Written by RifftraxJune 10, 2022June 2, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch

Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.

Written by RifftraxJune 9, 2022June 2, 2022

“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.

Written by RifftraxJune 8, 2022June 2, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.

Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.

Written by RifftraxJune 7, 2022June 2, 2022

“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.

Written by RifftraxJune 5, 2022June 2, 2022

“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.

Written by RifftraxJune 4, 2022June 1, 2022

“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.

Written by RifftraxMay 30, 2022May 29, 2022

“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.

Written by RifftraxMay 29, 2022May 24, 2022

“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches

Written by RifftraxMay 27, 2022May 3, 2022

“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.

Written by RifftraxMay 26, 2022May 29, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch

Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.

Written by RifftraxMay 23, 2022March 29, 2022

“Critics agree, no movie has more incoherent bus chatter than Spiker.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.

Written by RifftraxMay 21, 2022March 24, 2022

“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.

Written by RifftraxMay 13, 2022March 17, 2022

“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.

Written by RifftraxMay 9, 2022March 15, 2022

“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.

Written by RifftraxMay 3, 2022March 12, 2022

“Hey kids, proper grammar is everyone’s family.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Max Havoc: Ring of Fire.

Written by RifftraxApril 20, 2022March 8, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch

Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.

Written by RifftraxApril 19, 2022March 7, 2022

“Oh knee buttons, will you ever bring me peace?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.

Written by RifftraxApril 15, 2022March 6, 2022

“And tea kettles are my only form of communication.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

Written by RifftraxApril 13, 2022March 4, 2022

“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.

Written by RifftraxApril 5, 2022March 1, 2022

“‘Brice Mack.’ Pretty sure that’s one of the names we invented for the guy in Space Mutiny.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ruby.

Written by RifftraxApril 4, 2022March 1, 2022

“Yep, if you earned an eye roll from Joe Estevez it’s time sort out your life.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator

Written by RifftraxApril 3, 2022February 28, 2022

RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”

“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.

Written by RifftraxApril 2, 2022February 28, 2022

PixTrax: “The Art Garfunkel Army has finally seized power.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.

Written by RifftraxMarch 4, 2022March 4, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch

Mike: Castleton college?

Written by RifftraxMarch 2, 2022February 21, 2022

“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!

Written by RifftraxFebruary 26, 2022February 18, 2022

“Hey, my bare boobs put you through private school.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: He Sees You When You’re Sleeping.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 22, 2022February 6, 2022

“Bartender, give me a dance juice.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dancin’: It’s On!

Written by RifftraxFebruary 21, 2022February 28, 2022

RiffTrax Tracks: “Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski”

“Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski” pulled from RiffTrax: Copper Mountain.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 19, 2022February 6, 2022

“I think you misinterpreted my need to poop.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Children of the Bride.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 15, 2022February 5, 2022

“All my best teachers stood six inches from my face and whispered their lessons creepily in my ear.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 13, 2022February 6, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch

Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 12, 2022February 4, 2022

“Is this soundtrack racist? Because Mickey Rooney’s character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s thinks it might be a little racist.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Replica.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 10, 2022February 6, 2022

PixTrax: “One of Gary Shandling’s early roles.”

PixTrax pulled from Reefer Madness – Three Riffer Edition.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 8, 2022February 4, 2022

“Yes, the poor wheat harvest was due to their mistaken belief that in Soviet Russia wheat harvests you.”

The first riff from RiffTrax: Red Dawn.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 3, 2022February 4, 2022

“Keep Rolling” From Rats: Night of Terror

Mike: Opps. Scrolling text missed its cue.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 2, 2022February 8, 2022

PixTrax: “I write Drupal code.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Radical Jack.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 1, 2022January 27, 2022

“And I do mean crawl. You see folks, I’m secretly a baby.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: R.O.T.O.R.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 31, 2022January 29, 2022

“Tell me, why do people in old-timey movies preface a question with the phrase ‘tell me’ when the interrogative nature of the statement demands a response anyway?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 30, 2022January 27, 2022

RiffTrax Tracks: “Truck Driving Blues”

“Truck Driving Blues” pulled from RiffTrax: Psychotronic Man.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 29, 2022January 26, 2022

“There is nothing cinematically superior to people entering dimly lit rooms and looking around. Besides maybe shots of baseboard caulk hardening.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 28, 2022January 26, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Gary Gygax” Sketch

Mike: Hey, I just got a note from the ghost of Gary Gygax.

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