“Why is Graham Parker showing us a nude photo of Stockard Channing?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Winterbeast.
Category: RiffTrax Movies
“Now we’re going to see the horror movie trope where the cat jumps out, scares Charles Durning, and he eats it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back.
“Speaking of a nuclear dump, the coffee’s kicking in. I’ll be right back.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Wes Craven’s Mind Ripper.
“Scorpion and Little kid will return in Scorpion and the Little Kid Go Hawaiian.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Warriors of the Wasteland.
“Let’s see, damp basement, bearded guys in capes, two strong indicators that the people around you care deeply whether Han shot first.”
Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.
“Kids love watching daredevils quietly sneak into mental hospitals to rescue bitter alcoholics.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Viva Knievel!
Riff & React: Kevin & Mike & Vengeance of the Dead
Movie: I figure I’ll bring back a pizza for supper.
“That President Nixon is a real cool cat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Velvet Smooth.
“Speaking of mistakes, I went hard on the seven-layer dip. I’m going to go wreck the billionaires’ men’s room.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business.
Riff & React: Kevin & Universal Soldier II: Brother In Arms
Movie: Police today are still on the lookout for Veronica Roberts
“I’m Clu Gulager. I’d like you to meet my brothers Monopoly Gulager and Scrabble Gulager.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Uninvited.
“Man can you wreck a can. Whoa. The waft just hit me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Trucker’s Woman.
“And if I do this, I’ll magically like NASCAR?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.
“And what does it mean for the hammock lifestyle?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Treasure of the Amazon.
“And now, Halloween’s Michael Meyers as Katie Holmes in a one woman tribute to Abraham Lincoln.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.
“This is God. Meat Loaf was my greatest mistake. Sorry.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: To Catch a Yeti.
Crocodile Dundee Riff From RiffTrax: Things
Kevin: I’d bring Crocodile Dundee in to comment on the knife situation, but I can’t subject him to this.
“You know, of all the things I thought we’d see in this movie, the deflowering of a camping stove is not one of them”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wonderful Land of Oz.
“You know what they say, you’re never truly broke if you have rage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wizard.
“No one’s home. Time for some trademark Glen Ford skinny dipping. Just got to sunscreen-up the Glen Ford junk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Visitor.
“Next episode, please!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 2.
“Anyone old enough to remember when Michael York was considered a movie star? No?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 1.
“But then I remembered Chuck is a heroin addict. Our supply was probably where it always was in the bag labeled heroin right in the cabinet labeled heroin.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Terrible Truth.
“Stop handing me swords. My weapon is devastating sarcasm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sword and the Sorcerer.
“Nerd Defender, this fall on CBS.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.
“These two are about as covert as a pride parade.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Who’s Your Favorite Character So Far” Sketch
Bill: So, who’s your favorite character so far?
“You guys want any more monkey nads? If not I’m going to scrape the grill.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Revenge of Doctor X.
Riff & React: Mike & The Return
Movie: I’m not used to lady scientists running through the streets of my little town.
“I should warn you, my pants have a touch of Lycra for an easy feel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Retrievers.
“The door just opened and now it smells like Bela Lugosi in here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Phantom Creeps.
“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.
“She could tell the skeleton belonged to a white person by The Decemberists ticket in its pocket.”
Rock ‘n’ Riffs pulled from RiffTrax: The Minion.
Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru
Movie: You know Rome?
“Watching one pool through another pool—this world is very pool-based.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch
Mike: Whoa, he went there.
“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.
“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.
“You know, first rule of good-guying, never let the villain dictate your quip game.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Journey: Absolution.
“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.
PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.
Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon
Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.
Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch
Kevin: We can go have sex.
“She’s like Sgt. Shultz but with a better midriff.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.
“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.
“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.
“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.
“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.
“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.
“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”
Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.
“The tam o’ shanter, the haggis of the hat world.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.
“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.
“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch
Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?
“She would go on to have Curly-related trauma for the rest of her adult life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swing Parade.
“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.
Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.
“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.
“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.
“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.
“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches
“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch
Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.
“Critics agree, no movie has more incoherent bus chatter than Spiker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
“This guy’s being a real tent-maker right now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Son of Sinbad.
“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.
“Hey kids, proper grammar is everyone’s family.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Max Havoc: Ring of Fire.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
“Oh knee buttons, will you ever bring me peace?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“And tea kettles are my only form of communication.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.
“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.
“‘Brice Mack.’ Pretty sure that’s one of the names we invented for the guy in Space Mutiny.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ruby.
“Yep, if you earned an eye roll from Joe Estevez it’s time sort out your life.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Rollergator
RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”
“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.
PixTrax: “The Art Garfunkel Army has finally seized power.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch
Mike: Castleton college?
“The script is a Google voice transcript of someone yelling at their phone from the other end of the gymnasium.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Christmas Circus with Whizzo the Clown!
“Hey, my bare boobs put you through private school.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: He Sees You When You’re Sleeping.
“Bartender, give me a dance juice.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dancin’: It’s On!
RiffTrax Tracks: “Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski”
“Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski” pulled from RiffTrax: Copper Mountain.
“I think you misinterpreted my need to poop.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Children of the Bride.
“All my best teachers stood six inches from my face and whispered their lessons creepily in my ear.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch
Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.
“Is this soundtrack racist? Because Mickey Rooney’s character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s thinks it might be a little racist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Replica.
PixTrax: “One of Gary Shandling’s early roles.”
PixTrax pulled from Reefer Madness – Three Riffer Edition.
“Yes, the poor wheat harvest was due to their mistaken belief that in Soviet Russia wheat harvests you.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Red Dawn.
“Keep Rolling” From Rats: Night of Terror
Mike: Opps. Scrolling text missed its cue.
PixTrax: “I write Drupal code.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Radical Jack.
“And I do mean crawl. You see folks, I’m secretly a baby.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: R.O.T.O.R.
“Tell me, why do people in old-timey movies preface a question with the phrase ‘tell me’ when the interrogative nature of the statement demands a response anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Purple Death from Outer Space.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Truck Driving Blues”
“Truck Driving Blues” pulled from RiffTrax: Psychotronic Man.
“There is nothing cinematically superior to people entering dimly lit rooms and looking around. Besides maybe shots of baseboard caulk hardening.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gary Gygax” Sketch
Mike: Hey, I just got a note from the ghost of Gary Gygax.
Keep Rolling! 
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