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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Written by RifftraxAugust 29, 2022August 1, 2022

“I should warn you, my pants have a touch of Lycra for an easy feel.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Retrievers.

Written by RifftraxAugust 28, 2022August 1, 2022

“I’ll dominate all conifers.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Relaxed Wife + Consuming Women.

Written by RifftraxAugust 27, 2022August 1, 2022

“So, she’s just going to sit there in the duck urine?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Red Hen.

Written by RifftraxAugust 26, 2022August 1, 2022

“Oh Dick, I just love Slayer!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Prom: It’s A Pleasure.

Written by RifftraxAugust 25, 2022August 1, 2022

“Better not be any kids here messing around with ouija boards, spirit summoning, automatic writing, catalepsy, divination, levitation, parakinesis, precognition, or xenoglossy!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Power.

Written by RifftraxAugust 24, 2022August 1, 2022

“The door just opened and now it smells like Bela Lugosi in here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Phantom Creeps.

Written by RifftraxAugust 23, 2022July 30, 2022

“Those are the exact same words people use when trying to describe Rosie O’Donnell: ‘Ah, they. Um, them. Or, she. No, um, her. It! Yeah.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Parts of Speech.

Written by RifftraxAugust 22, 2022July 30, 2022

“I’m giving you a wedgie with my mind.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Other Fellow’s Feelings.

Written by RifftraxAugust 21, 2022July 31, 2022

“A common Transylvanian food that may be killing you. We’ll have the full story at ten.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Night That Dracula Saved The World.

Written by RifftraxAugust 20, 2022August 2, 2022

“What child wouldn’t want a swan replica?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.

Written by RifftraxAugust 19, 2022August 18, 2022

“Way to stereotype. Of course, the shoplifter is a folk-rock contemporary fan.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Myths of Shoplifting.

Written by RifftraxAugust 19, 2022August 18, 2022

“The human is my lunch, Brad.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: The Return of Swamp Thing.

Written by RifftraxAugust 18, 2022August 2, 2022

“I’m going with ‘D’ because ‘Bedonger’ is a hilarious name.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Mysterious Message.

Written by RifftraxAugust 17, 2022July 30, 2022

“’Hidden Sugar’ is the name of a smooth jazz album I recorded with Al Jarreau in the eighties.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Munchers.

Written by RifftraxAugust 16, 2022July 27, 2022

“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.

Written by RifftraxAugust 15, 2022July 27, 2022

“She could tell the skeleton belonged to a white person by The Decemberists ticket in its pocket.”

Rock ‘n’ Riffs pulled from RiffTrax: The Minion.

Written by RifftraxAugust 14, 2022July 27, 2022

Riff & React: Bill & The Million Eyes of Sumuru

Movie: You know Rome?

Written by RifftraxAugust 13, 2022July 30, 2022

“Discussing aging against a backdrop of today’s hottest baroque hits.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Maturing Woman.

Written by RifftraxAugust 12, 2022July 24, 2022

“Watching one pool through another pool—this world is very pool-based.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.

Written by RifftraxAugust 11, 2022August 2, 2022

“I love stuff from other people’s mouths.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Magic Shop.

Written by RifftraxAugust 10, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch

Mike: Whoa, he went there.

Written by RifftraxAugust 9, 2022August 1, 2022

“All cartoons led me to believe that long underwear with butt flaps would be a bigger part of my life.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Little King: Christmas Night.

Written by RifftraxAugust 8, 2022July 21, 2022

“Finally, a movie that blends my two loves: close-ups of trash and the music of Iron Butterfly.”

Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster.

Written by RifftraxAugust 7, 2022July 21, 2022

“If there’s only one collaborator, who’d she collaborate with?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Lemonade Stand: What’s Fair?

Written by RifftraxAugust 6, 2022July 21, 2022

“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.

Written by RifftraxAugust 5, 2022July 21, 2022

“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.

Written by RifftraxAugust 4, 2022July 21, 2022

“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.

Written by RifftraxAugust 3, 2022July 22, 2022

“Poor dope. He always wanted a pool. In the end, he got himself a pool, but the price turned out to be a little high.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Lady and the Rocket.

Written by RifftraxAugust 2, 2022July 21, 2022

Riff & React: The Kids Guide to the Internet

Movie: Yahoo. I’ve heard of that.Connor or Sean: —Yahoo’s new slogan.

Written by RifftraxAugust 1, 2022July 21, 2022

“Can we speak frankly about your stankiness?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts with Bridget & Mary Jo: The Joy of Living With Fragrance

Written by Andy BondJuly 31, 2022July 21, 2022

“You know, first rule of good-guying, never let the villain dictate your quip game.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Journey: Absolution.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2022July 21, 2022

“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.

Written by RifftraxJuly 29, 2022July 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.

Written by RifftraxJuly 28, 2022July 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Wow, the inner tube under your pants look was huge in the sixties.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Hothead / The Forgetter.

Written by RifftraxJuly 27, 2022July 19, 2022

“Right now, he’s going to pretend he’s Caroline in the City.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Home of the Future.

Written by RifftraxJuly 26, 2022July 27, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon

Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.

Written by RifftraxJuly 25, 2022July 18, 2022

“I’ve seen enough tortoise ass to last a lifetime.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Hare & The Tortoise.

Written by RifftraxJuly 24, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch

Kevin: We can go have sex.

Written by RifftraxJuly 23, 2022July 24, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Gossip” Sketch

Mary Jo: Bridget, I want to gossip about you, but you’re my only coworker. So, do you mind?

Written by RifftraxJuly 22, 2022July 17, 2022

“She’s like Sgt. Shultz but with a better midriff.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.

Written by RifftraxJuly 21, 2022July 17, 2022

“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.

Written by RifftraxJuly 20, 2022July 14, 2022

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but our policy won’t allow us to take checks written to the order of your ass.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts With Bridget & Mary Jo: The Front Line.

Written by RifftraxJuly 19, 2022July 14, 2022

“Finally, all the fun of looking at a fish tank without having to actually look at a fish tank.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Fish That Nearly Drowned.

Written by RifftraxJuly 18, 2022July 14, 2022

“I hope this doesn’t sound culturally insensitive, but your religion eats.”

Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Wild Women of Wongo.

Written by RifftraxJuly 17, 2022July 14, 2022

“Probably shouldn’t poop here. That would be a pretty big clue.”

Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Killers from Space.

Written by RifftraxJuly 16, 2022July 14, 2022

“Did we order an ass?”

Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Hollywood After Dark.

Written by RifftraxJuly 15, 2022July 14, 2022

“Yes, sir. This is what I do it for. To be lifted and caressed by other bediapered men.”

Riff pulled from The Film Crew: Giant of Marathon.

Written by RifftraxJuly 14, 2022July 12, 2022

“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.

Written by RifftraxJuly 13, 2022July 12, 2022

“‘The Day I Died’ the follow up to ‘The Night I Ate Two Baconator Triple Combos.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Day I Died.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2022July 11, 2022

“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.

Written by RifftraxJuly 11, 2022July 11, 2022

“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.

Written by RifftraxJuly 10, 2022July 9, 2022

“Damn kids; always interrupting my plant-sex.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Creeps Machine.

Written by RifftraxJuly 9, 2022July 8, 2022

“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.

Written by RifftraxJuly 8, 2022July 9, 2022

“Oh, leave her be. She has a Yankees jersey, a Mets clock, and a Dodgers posters. She’s clearly a very confused child.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Clean Club.

Written by RifftraxJuly 7, 2022June 21, 2022

“We interrupt this mind-numbingly dull safety film to bring you a mind-numbingly dull safety film.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 2).

Written by RifftraxJuly 6, 2022June 21, 2022

“Safer than Safeville and Safetown? You’re mad!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Case of Tommy Tucker (Part 1).

Written by RifftraxJuly 5, 2022June 20, 2022

“Reproach and everlasting shame sits mocking in my pigtails.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Calendar: How To Use It.

Written by RifftraxJuly 4, 2022June 20, 2022

“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”

Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.

Written by RifftraxJuly 3, 2022June 21, 2022

“People’s dreams are so boring even if they are wearing chaps in them.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Boy Who Didn’t Listen.

Written by RifftraxJuly 2, 2022June 20, 2022

“The tam o’ shanter, the haggis of the hat world.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Boy in the Plastic Bubble.

Written by RifftraxJuly 1, 2022June 20, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Retrograde Thrust” Sketch

Mary Jo: Oh yeah, that must be the retrograde thrust.

Written by RifftraxJune 30, 2022June 20, 2022

“Do you like my tam o’ shanter?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Blessed Midnight.

Written by RifftraxJune 29, 2022June 20, 2022

“Ladies and gentlemen, the First Amendment as interpreted by Tito Puente.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Bill of Rights in Action.

Written by RifftraxJune 28, 2022June 20, 2022

Riff & React: Bill & The Big Yellow Fellow

Movie: All sorts of things you have to know about school buses, son.Bill: –Like you don’t need to wear a seat belt in one for some reason. Riff & React pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Big Yellow Fellow.

Written by RifftraxJune 27, 2022June 20, 2022

“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.

Written by RifftraxJune 26, 2022June 21, 2022

“I’m not getting off this swing until I figure out my own gender.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Being On Time Game.

Written by RifftraxJune 25, 2022June 21, 2022

“Classic childhood milestones: get a bike, learn to ride it, get chased off it by a living sack.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Baggs (Studio ed.).

Written by RifftraxJune 24, 2022June 15, 2022

“Yeah, Mary. Don’t break all their books.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Babysitter.

Written by RifftraxJune 23, 2022June 20, 2022

“Wait. There’s more than one crappy musical about paying rent?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.

Written by RifftraxJune 22, 2022June 15, 2022

“All the great illusionists use carbon paper.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Amazing Mr. X.

Written by RifftraxJune 21, 2022June 14, 2022

“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”

The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.

Written by RifftraxJune 20, 2022June 14, 2022

“Ah, Chip, we can see you. You might want put the old teaser away.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: The Adventures of Chip and Dip.

Written by RifftraxJune 19, 2022June 14, 2022

“Holy crap, Inglewood likes to compost!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The ABC of Walking Wisely.

Written by RifftraxJune 18, 2022June 14, 2022

“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.

Written by RifftraxJune 17, 2022June 14, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch

Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?

Written by RifftraxJune 16, 2022June 14, 2022

“‘Ten Long Minutes,’ Peter Jackson’s adaptation of the book, ‘Two Minutes.’”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Ten Long Minutes.

Written by RifftraxJune 15, 2022June 14, 2022

“This looks like a job for my lemon bar recipe.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Telephone for Help.

Written by RifftraxJune 14, 2022June 14, 2022

“Some kids think soccer is a sport, but police know it’s a threat to society.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Teenagers on Trial.

Written by RifftraxJune 13, 2022June 11, 2022

“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.

Written by RifftraxJune 12, 2022June 3, 2022

“She would go on to have Curly-related trauma for the rest of her adult life.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swing Parade.

Written by RifftraxJune 11, 2022June 3, 2022

“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.

Written by RifftraxJune 10, 2022June 2, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch

Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.

Written by RifftraxJune 9, 2022June 2, 2022

“It’s always nice to know when characters who aren’t in the movie are sword fishing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.

Written by RifftraxJune 8, 2022June 2, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & Super Mario Bros.

Movie: This pit hole. Germs everywhere. Fungus.

Written by RifftraxJune 7, 2022June 2, 2022

“Whoa, this is the building where George Zaloom wrote Encino Man. I’m sorry, I’m a bit of a Cino head.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.

Written by RifftraxJune 6, 2022June 2, 2022

“I love going to ‘A Nearby Lake.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Summer is an Adventure.

Written by RifftraxJune 5, 2022June 2, 2022

“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.

Written by RifftraxJune 4, 2022June 1, 2022

“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.

Written by RifftraxJune 3, 2022June 1, 2022

“Sorry to be so crunked on the goofballs.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Study Skills: Verbal Communication Made Easy.

Written by RifftraxJune 2, 2022June 1, 2022

PixTrax: “Someone might have advised him against the nerdy Hitler look.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Strange Impersonation.

Written by RifftraxJune 1, 2022May 30, 2022

“A living clown erection. Hi kids.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story-telling: Can You Tell It In Order?

Written by RifftraxMay 31, 2022May 30, 2022

“Come to papa nude photos of Mamie Eisenhower.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Story of a Teenage Drug Addict.

Written by RifftraxMay 30, 2022May 29, 2022

“There was a sale on Go-GURT this week. We’re going to be rich.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stone Cold.

Written by RifftraxMay 29, 2022May 24, 2022

“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches

Written by RifftraxMay 28, 2022May 24, 2022

Riff & React: Mike & Starting School

Movie: She’s a ballerina. And what does she do, Pam?

Written by RifftraxMay 27, 2022May 3, 2022

“Aliens hate flash photography. Even more than museum guards.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Starship Invasions.

Written by RifftraxMay 26, 2022May 29, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch

Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.

Written by RifftraxMay 25, 2022May 2, 2022

“‘Pranking Wildlife,’ coming soon to Nat Geo.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Squeak the Squirrel.

Written by RifftraxMay 24, 2022May 2, 2022

“After all, what’s a spunk-man without his spunk bucket?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Spunky the Snowman.

Written by RifftraxMay 23, 2022March 29, 2022

“Critics agree, no movie has more incoherent bus chatter than Spiker.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.

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