“They can’t fix the bike until their nephew returns with some power converters.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
“Hey, that mace looks heavy pal. Don’t let the Mace Windu. I’ll see myself out.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror.
“Hey, a stormtrooper finally hit somebody.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.
“This excitement is what Star Wars failed to deliver by not showing Luke picking up the power converters at Tosche Station.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack From Space.
PixTrax: “Welcome to Skywalker Ranch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.
“147 parsecs!?! Han Solo could have made the Kessel Run 12 times by now.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.
Sketches & Speeches: “The I’m Gonna Come Back and Haunt You, Okay? Speech”
“Ohai Mark. Hai Denny. Hai Lisa.
“Even in death he smells of expired buttermilk.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“The unspecified banking industry has just been hell lately.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is a dried apple in a wig.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“This is all wrong. This isn’t how people play football. Where’s the tuxes?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“In terms of erotic moments, this rates right in between Craig Stadler’s win at the ’82 Masters and President Taft’s inauguration.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Oh baby, talk naughty to me in an incomprehensible accent.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Hot chocolate and a mint tea, are you guys headed to Lilithfair?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Not like jean jackets, man. Jean jackets make total sense to me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“He’s like Richard Nixon setting up the Watergate recordings only not as sexy.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“It is pretty customary to buy your mother-in-law’s friend a house.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“I think I broke me underwears.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Sorry guys, I miss read the email. Thought we were meeting on the fake roof not the fake alley.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“He’s so dreamy in a Macaroni Grill waiter kinda of way.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Gentlemen, please. I am wearing a beanie!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Yeah, and that’s why Russel Stover was just drowning in poon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“My banking shirt. I need that for banking.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
Riff & React: “If you love me you’ll drink this.”
Movie: If you love me you’ll drink this.
“Ah yes, Dominos’ I-was-born-without-taste-buds special.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Efficient Sex Scene Sketch”
Kevin: Now, why can’t the sex scenes be that efficient?
“Just sitting next to a framed picture of a spoon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“How did he get this rose to smell like old cat food?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Who sets their alarm for 28 minutes past the hour?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Poor Usher Sketch”
Mike: Man, poor usher, huh?
“Poor kid, has to do homework instead of watching his gross neighbors bone like most kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Wait! There’s a second The Room upstairs? I’m confused already.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“As soon as I brillo off the residue of that kiss.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
PixTrax: “Our story begins in an unidentified city.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“And we’re back.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Room.
“A Joshua Tree! Look out for stray Bonos!”
First riff from RiffTrax: Killers From Space.
“Well, I’m glad this isn’t ‘Tara in the Wax Museum.’ Just two hours of Tara Reid wondering around a wax museum looking confused.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Peakviewing Transatlantic Sketch”
Bill: Peakviewing Transatlantic: sure we make films, but mostly we fly over oceans to look at mountains.
“Whatever you do, do not google ‘Chicago Boy Films.'”
First riff from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.
“Filmark. Like Noah’s Ark if all the animals were very sick.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Robo Vampire.
“The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm storm warning as well as a severely cheesy movie watch.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Bride and The Beast.
“This week on Funky Missile and the Uptown Scuds!”
First riff from RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident.
“Woolner Brothers. Hey Warner Brothers, does your “w” have a really cool flame on top of it? Yeah, we didn’t think so.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Hillbillys in a Haunted House.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Day The First Man Sketch.”
Mike: The day Lincoln got shot.
“Fear! My reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
First riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“You remember before Bernie Sanders, when the country was crawling with Polonia bros.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
“My kids never forgive me when I bought Super Polonia Brothers for Nintendo.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Feeders.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Sprach Zarathustra Speech.”
Kevin: Sounds like Sprach Zarathustra.
“Ah man, I got to mail this to Roger. He of all people will love this vengeance needs blood. Ha! Ha! Ha! That is so up Roger’s alley.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror.
PixTrax: “We now take you live to the set of the seventies porn film, The Life and Times of Grizzly Ass Hams.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Guy From Harlem.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Jesse Ventura Sketch”
Mike: Guys, I’m not sure what’s coming but this music is getting me pretty pumped up about it.
PixTrax: “Vacuum cleaners of the gods.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Supersonic Man.
“Please don’t be a Charlie Chan movie. I’m not up to riffing anything problematic.”
The first riff of RiffTrax Presents: Sherlock Holmes – Terror By Night.
PixTrax: “Presents the name that shocked the spelling world.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop 2.
PixTrax: “A font that says I hate your eyes.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Signal Lamp Sketch.”
Mike: A signal lamp trying to tell us something. Kevin, please decode.
PixTrax: “Scott Shaw presents default Adobe Premiere slate templates.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Rollergator.
PixTrax: “We now join an Iron Butterfly video already in progress.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Superargo and the Faceless Giants.
PixTrax: “Cornet presents: Putting on Gloves and You.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Japan Sketch.”
Mike: This movie brought to you by Japan.
“Edgewood Studios: we survived Time Chasers and Radical Jack. You think you can stop Edgewood Studios? Nothing can stop Edgewood Studios!”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Icebreaker.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Betty Columbia Speech.”
“Hi, guys. Betty Columbia here. Welcome to the show.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Four Seasons For Life Sketch”
Kevin: The Frankie Valli Institute!?! Ah crap, I was hoping for a sneak preview of The Jersey Boys film adaptation.
“If that turns out to be a Jellicle cat’s foot, I’m leaving.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dry Cleaner Sketch”
Kevin: What? Wait! What the—
“First, there was only darkness. Then there was synth.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Bounty Tracker.
“Roast in hell 1940s Batman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Cause that’s what superheroes do. They remain motionless while known criminals strip off their clothes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“Wonder if the Wizard ever had a tiff with Hooded Justice from the Watchmen over costume similarities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Journal of Vicky Vale, intrepid girl reporter. As I crept toward The Harbor Club, the odors of hooliganism and loaded potato skins mingled threateningly in the air.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
“It’s a hot one. I should have worn my seersucker balaclava.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Spontaneous combustion: it’s not just for elderly shut-ins anymore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“The Macarena starts arm out palm down, Callahan. You’re off the force!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14)
PixTrax: “Ikea’s new Kevorkian chair.”
PixTrax captured from RiffTrax Shorts: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“Batman and Robin presumed dead or squatting.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“Splendid! Care for some tweed?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3).
PixTrax: “How Apple wants you to see your year-old iPhone.”
PixTrax captured from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“I hear Batman doesn’t like green beans. You guys ever hear that?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“‘Unseen’ like A Million Ways to Die in the West.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“I once broke into his garage and ate a bag of his potting soil.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Much More Discrete Sketch”
Kevin: This is much more discrete then simply walking to the rendezvous point.
“Hand stamp undamaged—good! Sorry CBGB, The Wizard only pays one cover charge.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Vs. The Wizard (Episode 14).
“I drank too much Moxie on the way here. I’m going to find a tinkle bush.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“I just want to forget you saying the phrase ‘wizard placenta.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“Also, Batman smells like Aspercreme.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“I’m starting to think I can’t trust this known super villain associater.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“I want your insight as a dissipated gadabout.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back (Episode 9).
“There they go. John Goodman’s dirty undies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
“I feel like even more of a douche smoking one of these and I’m already Robin.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Fatal Blast (Episode 7).
“It’s the museum of lame gang names.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“Now we can make our own table salt instead of buying it like suckers.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“Gross. It’s full of sexy The Penguin ladies Halloween costumes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“But I’m late for my Louis Nye resembling lesson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3).
“The cliffs of Gotham. This city’s got it all.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“First, I’m going to make Bill O’Reilly and Shaquille O’Neal kiss.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Pirate’s World Breakup Sketch”
Kevin: So, did you have fun in the Thumbelina room?
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech”
“My dearest Aunt Evelyn… The birds overcame us at dawn today. So many succumbed to their taunts and acidic poo. There are no words proper which to describe the calamity and ruination in this war of avian aggression. Your loving nephew, Milo.” Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech” pulled RiffTrax Live: Birdemic.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beach Blanket Assassins Sketch”
Mike: Frankie Avalon in Beach Blanket Assassins.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dear Diary Sketch”
Bill: Dear Diary, Mr. Clifford was worse than useless. He just sat there pretending to be dead most of the time.
