Sketches & Speeches: “The White Trash Twilight Skit”
Kevin: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s white trash phase…
Sketches & Speeches: “The Titular Buffalo Rider Sketch”
Mike: He rides a buffalo mind you, but he’s not the titular buffalo rider. Gonna be awhile until we get to him. Bill: Ah, come on! Mike: We apologize for any inconvenience, but in the meantime, please enjoy this shot of a man sitting on a buffalo. Bill: So, this isn’t even Buffalo Jones, a […]
Speeches & Sketches: Mike Nelson’s “What Chekov Said Speech”
“Remember what Chekov said: ‘If you devote a good portion of Act One, talking about orange juice,
Sketches & Speeches: “The Missal to the Moon Sketch”
Bill: So, um, they’re referring to a rocket, right, and not ‘missal’ as in the Catholic prayer book?
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Horse Racing Sketch”
Janet: And straight out of the gate it’s Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah with a strong lead followed by Baby Got Back and Precious Moments, and Scarface, Wobble Maker, and Beep-Bop-Boo bringing up the rear.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Mr. Fujiyama’s Lawn Sketch”
Mike: It appears the real criminal here is whoever is charging Mr. Fujiyama for lawn care and landscaping.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cumberbatch Sketch”
Mary Jo: Cumberbatch is back.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Corporate Murder Leadership Seminars Sketch”
Bill: Evil spirit’s axe focus seems inefficient. I mean had to go a long way to retrieve that axe, right? Probably passed by dozens of other perfectly good murder-implements. I’m just saying, diversify, it could be great for your growth potential.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beige Sketch”
Ian: I’ve never seen a more beige film than this?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Buy You A Hamburger Sketch”
Kevin: Hey Mike, I’ll buy you a hamburger.
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “So You’re a Model” Speech
“So, you’re a model, huh? We don’t get a lot of them here.
Sketches & Speeches: “My Favorite Yambaó Sketch”
Mike: Ninón Sevilla is my favorite Yambaó.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Spaceship Cooling Down Sketch”
Mary Jo: Oh that’s right, there’s a spaceship cooling down.
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “How Do I Know This You Ask Speech”
“How do I know this you ask? I’m in a bowling league with Starman.
Sketches & Speeches “The Swamp of Us Sketch”
Mike: Hi, we’re The Ravens. Welcome to this, the Swamp of Us. Please note we are not implying nor should you infer any ownership by us of the swamp.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Chinese New Year Sketch”
Mike: It’s their year of the cock celebration.
Sketches & Speeches: “The We Are Destroying Sketch”
Movie: Destroy! Destroy them!
RiffList: “Dave Ryder Nicknames”
Lump Drywall
Sketches & Speeches: “The Last Slumber Party Players Sketch”
Kevin: It was all a dream!
“Remember when you opened the advent calendar door for Christmas Eve and inside there was a skunk operating industrial machinery?”
RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness
RiffTrax Tracks: “O Come, All Ye Pretty Woman”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Workshop
Sketches & Speeches: “The Adorable Tots Steel Cage Death Match Sketch”
Bill: It’s Lupita versus Cindy Lou Who and Zuzu Bailey in a steel cage death match. Three adorable tots enter. Only one will survive!
“For instance, did you know that Santa did a nickel in Greenville for check kiting?”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa
Sketches & Speeches: “The Guy from Simply Red Speech”
Kevin: On the right there, is that the guy from Simply Red?
RiffTrax Tracks: “Hannibal Lecter’s Christmas Trees”
RiffTrax: Christmas Circus
PixTrax: “He’s really putting out the BTUs.”
RiffTrax Presents: Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year
‘Very gradual teleportation is one of Santa’s lesser known powers.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy
RiffTrax Tracks: “Christmas Dream”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream
“Merry Christmas, you bunch of scramblepusses!”
RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts from the Air
Sketches & Speeches: Kevin Murphy’s “Third Runner-Up” Speech
“And now, the third runner-up in our Christmas diorama contest this year.
“Santa, can this common beach gorilla help?”
RiffTrax Live: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
“You can’t have any goose though, Tim. Just your usual cripple’s gruel.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol (Coronet)
Sketches and Speeches: “The 12 Days of Jack Frost Sketch”
Mike: Three meatheads staring.
PixTrax: “Do not open reporter till Christmas.”
RiffTrax: The Dark Power
“Yes, nothing says Christmas like a brown lawn and a stained driveway.”
RiffTrax: Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree
Riff & React: “I guess you’re still the boss.”
Movie: I guess you’re still the boss.
“Hey kid, this is Christmas. Try to look a little less like a Dorothea Lange photo can you?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far
“You have Santa’s loophole?”
RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening
“You know, I don’t approve of toys building other toys. It’s an unholy abomination.”
RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-Stravaganza!
“Don’t give your elf Viagra.”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Shoemaker and the Elves
“Each year, countless children are taken by hobos and forced into a life of Christmas caroling. This is just one story.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Charlie’s Christmas Secret
“Sweat really pooling up around my two turtle doves if you know what I mean.”
RiffTrax: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny
Sketches & Speeches: “The Christmas Nostalgia Sketch”
Bill: Yeah, gotta admit guys all this tender Christmas nostalgia is kinda getting to me.
“Keep that Batman smells to your self, kids. I will not have him defamed on my sleigh!”
RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus
RiffTrax Track: “Beyond Jingle Bells”
RiffTrax Presents: Beyond Christmas
Sketches & Speeches: “The Thanksgiving Carols Sketch”
Kevin: Ah, Thanksgiving carols. I remember going door-to-door singing carols in exchange for turkey.
PixTrax: “Thanksgiving is a Native American word meaning obscenely tall candles?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dining Together
“Next, pause movie, google ‘What the heck are giblets?,’ let the truth sink in, and continue with disgusted face.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey
“It was the best of turkeys, it was the worst of turkeys.”
RiffTrax Shorts: One Turkey, Two Turkey
“Modern plunger theory alone has become practically byzantine.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Color It Clean
“I hope they don’t have sleeves in jail.”
RiffTrax: Martial Law
“Tell Barney Rubble his wife’s hot.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dinosaurs
PixTrax: “Can you confirm my resemblance to Sam Elliott, over?”
RiffTrax: Warriors of the Wasteland
“It’s mental health improv night. I need a location and a psychiatric disorder.”
RiffTrax: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace
“She can ‘John’ my ‘Pertwee’ anytime.”
RiffTrax: Dr. Who and The Daleks
“And now it’s time for romantic carpentry.”
RiffTrax: Radical Jack
“He’s playing the home version of Broadchurch.”
RiffTrax: The Hideous Sun Demon
“He’s always bringing up his vasovagal syncope.”
RiffTrax Presents: Vacation Days
PixTrax: “The worst day of John Stossel’s life.”
RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening
“Door Closers International. Wherever there’s a door open we are there.”
RiffTrax Presents: Atom Age Vampire
“Hiding behind cereal grains like a true action hero.”
RiffTrax: Karate Cop
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Plane”
RiffTrax: Contamination
“Stay tuned for Walter Cronkite’s erotic yoga.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Getting Ready for School
“Pepto-Bismol. Is that a good mixer?”
RiffTrax Live: Sharknado
PixTrax: “The sexy side of the Three Stooges.”
RiffTrax: Swing Parade
“Can you marry beer?”
RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It
“Jack, you didn’t ‘Richard Gere’ the imp did you?”
RiffTrax: Jack the Giant Killer
PixTrax: “How can I fit more 2s on my hat?”
RiffTrax: Contamination
“I could be banging Marvin the Martian’s wife right now.”
RiffTrax: Feeders
“You borrowed some tampons, honey? Hey, I don’t make the heavy metal rules.”
RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare
“We both poop in a box on the floor.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up
“They ventured across the galaxy to tease our cats!”
RiffTrax: The Visitor
“–And then doing some kind of monster mash described by horrified onlookers as a graveyard smash.”
RiffTrax Live: Night of the Living Dead
“The very definition of horror: Jeff Foxworthy in a muumuu.”
RiffTrax: “MANOS” Hands of Fate
“You know, chicks don’t understand that sometimes a monster just needs to get his mash on.”
RiffTrax: Beast of the Yellow Night
“You know the Exorcist was pretty scary, but it could have used more routine auto maintenance.”
RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls
“Gotta love a train service run by the Catholic church. They always pull out on time.”
RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express
“This guy is exactly like my dentist, right down to the office monkey.”
RiffTrax: Swap of the Ravens
“I have a doctorate in historical wang sizes .”
RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum
“I’m just a man with a burning desire to try on the dress shirts of other men.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Day with Fireman Bill
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“Your Spanish tendency to run ahead of castle tours is almost as bad as Hawaiians and their famous impressionability.”
RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror
“Dying is easy. Interesting Martian dramas are hard.”
RiffTrax Presents: Devil Girl From Mars
“Disposing of the script for ‘Paul Blart III: Trouble in Fart City.'”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster
“Apes have a natural fear of cartoon lightning.”
RiffTrax: Windy the Swamp Boy
“Ah, so this is where they keep their stash. Hmm, Mendocino County sensimilla. Nice.”
RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back
“I keep this chair in my truck in case I want to sit and enjoy a dirt pile.”
RiffTrax: Breaker! Breaker!
“And for the 50th billionth time, I’m not prone to hyperbole.”
RiffTrax: Fever Lake
“I sometimes forget the names of my very first cloned human beings.”
RiffTrax: Replica
“Up there on the castle’s ungroomed crotch.”
RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead
“Assassin’s Creed: After the Hernia.”
RiffTrax: Final Justice
