“And replace the panties and check the tension of the g-string.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Call It Free Part 1.
Category: Educational
“And don’t let your son join a band called ‘The Skinless Wieners.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Buying Food.
“The Muppets look more natural riding bikes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Busy Bodies.
“Can my pocket help?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building Better Paragraphs.”
“Pregnant women and the elderly should not attempt sub-topics without a doctor’s approval.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building An Outline.
PixTrax: “Bryan Ferry and Bruce Dern: mad scientists.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster Movie Mash-up.
Riff & React: Bill & Boy of India: Rama and His Elephant
Movie: A working elephant understands about 30 command words for doing different jobs.
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
“So, you want to hear about the new Lean Cuisine I had today?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Boredom At Work.
“Billy is overcome with ennui at observing the mediocrity of his own neighborhood from above.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
“It’s like if Tim Tebow had decided to suck at rapping instead of football.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Bicycle Safety Camp.
“Yeah, just have a nap and maybe duck down to the crap pile and have myself a roll. Perfect afternoon.
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behavior of Domestic Pigs.
“Ned Flanders does have a kicking onion.”
The Simpsons riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behave Bernard.
PixTrax: “Reggie’s a cross between Milhouse and Ralph Wiggum.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Taking Care Of Your Own Things.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“And speaking of others, if we learn to care for others, to respect others will learn how to care for, to respect our country.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Doing Things For Ourselves In School.
“I don’t know. That’s a pretty big wang to erase.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Broken Bookshop.
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
“Wait a minute. Zuromski worked on this? Well, if you have to watch a ‘Daily Problems’ short it may as well be a Zuromski.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Handling Daily Problems.
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“Does teleportation make your nipples tender?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Banks – The Money Movers.
“I prefer the term ‘de-oinkify.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Back to School with Joan Miller.
“Line your garbage with other garbage to create future garbage. It’s the circle of trash.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts Live!: At Your Fingertips: Sugar and Spice.
“All the young bagel heads are doing it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Play Clay.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
“Kids Under A Tarp: The Motion Picture”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Floats.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Forget playing stickball, Timmy. Slap on another coat of fuchsia.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Boxes.
“The beer is pumped directly into John Goodman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
“Some people are Tracy Chapman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are People All the Same?
“‘Aqua Frolics’ from the people that brought you ‘Asphalt Antics.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aqua Frolics.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
Nick Nolte Moment from Animal Homes
“Nick Nolte says, “Yeah, homes are fine, but they’re not for me.”
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
“And there it is. The last recorded instance of any human being happy on a commercial flight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Airplane Trip By Jet.
“So, Campbell Soup is made from wood if I understand this short correctly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 2.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“Well, if anyone knows anything about design it’s the makers of the Chevette.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: American Look
“Ah, the fifties, when tween girls dressed like elderly, Russian babushkas.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Am I Trustworthy?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Alone At Home Speech”
“Alone at Home is not to be confused with Home Alone,
“Look at him, just flagrantly having a penis.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Allen Is My Brother
“So her mom is an enthusiastic gay man. So what?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol Trigger Films.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
“The depressed proboscis monkey wondered if his minstrel act was, perhaps, as offensive as the critics said.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Aesop’s Sound Fables: Frozen Frolics.
Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family
Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”
Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.
“Aw, crap. Doc Severinsen is in our ceiling joist.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: A Word To The Wives.
“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.
“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.
“Ladder climbing college was six years I’ll never get back but totally worth it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day With Fireman Bill.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“We now join Juan and the Donkey Puncher on KMEX 103.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Boy of Mexico: Juan and his Donkey.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
PixTrax: “Nickelodeon’s ‘Eyes Wide Shut.'”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster.
“Bark beetles cause forest fires. Good night.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Billy’s Helicopter Ride.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ringo’s a Chicken” Sketch
Bill: That’s my favorite Beatles movie. Yellow Submarine was too weird. What the hell is with Magical Mystery Tour?
“As you are he and we are all together. Goo goo g’joob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
“I turned off my mind, relaxed, and floated down stream.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Self Conscious Guy.
Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.
“Yep. Just an old man, with a sharp weapon, stamping baby butts on a conveyor belt. You know.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“Is there a human who can do that? I’m not comfortable with talking rumina.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey.
“Hey, tough guy. Yo, big shooter. Hey, steak escape. Ho ho, funky bunch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Night Before Christmas.
“Okay, now try beckoning not like a wraith trying to lure us into a hell dimension.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song For Santa.
“Sure, text books. Add those to the list of things that belong in a little girl’s room right under full-size piano and tree candles.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream.
“Oh boy! I’ve always wanted a creepy bandleader who says ‘yowser. ‘”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Gifts From The Air.
“It looks like a hotel room that got trashed by The Decemberists.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up A Room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The What’s Crack? Sketch”
Bill: What’s a crack? Is it a baby?
Sketches & Speeches: Mike Nelson’s “I Must Toil Speech”
“Sure sounds like some other kids are having fun outside,
Sketches & Speeches: “The Bruce Springsteen’s Trailer Sketch”
Bill: Bruce Springsteen lives in a construction trailer?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Scold the Milk Sketch”
Mike: You have greatly disappointed me, milk.
Sketches & Speeches: Bridget Nelson’s “Mosh Pit Etiquette Speech”
“In the event of mosh pit, the boy pushes the girl from the back by the hips into the middle of the crowd. Or the girl holds tightly to the boy’s waist as he throws punches. Mosh pit etiquette calls for certain considerations that mean more fun for everyone. A courteous boy always picks up […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The Buy You A Hamburger Sketch”
Kevin: Hey Mike, I’ll buy you a hamburger.
RiffTrax Tracks: “O Come, All Ye Pretty Woman”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Workshop
PixTrax: “He’s really putting out the BTUs.”
RiffTrax Presents: Have a Mary Jo Christmas and a Bridget New Year
RiffTrax Tracks: “Christmas Dream”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream
Sketches & Speeches: Kevin Murphy’s “Third Runner-Up” Speech
“And now, the third runner-up in our Christmas diorama contest this year.
“You can’t have any goose though, Tim. Just your usual cripple’s gruel.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Carol (Coronet)
“Hey kid, this is Christmas. Try to look a little less like a Dorothea Lange photo can you?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far
“You know, I don’t approve of toys building other toys. It’s an unholy abomination.”
RiffTrax Live: Christmas Shorts-Stravaganza!
“Don’t give your elf Viagra.”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Shoemaker and the Elves
“Each year, countless children are taken by hobos and forced into a life of Christmas caroling. This is just one story.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Charlie’s Christmas Secret
Sketches & Speeches: “The Thanksgiving Carols Sketch”
Kevin: Ah, Thanksgiving carols. I remember going door-to-door singing carols in exchange for turkey.
PixTrax: “Thanksgiving is a Native American word meaning obscenely tall candles?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dining Together
“Next, pause movie, google ‘What the heck are giblets?,’ let the truth sink in, and continue with disgusted face.”
RiffTrax Presents: RiffTrax Shorts: Let’s Talk Turkey
“It was the best of turkeys, it was the worst of turkeys.”
RiffTrax Shorts: One Turkey, Two Turkey
“Modern plunger theory alone has become practically byzantine.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Color It Clean
“Tell Barney Rubble his wife’s hot.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dinosaurs
“Stay tuned for Walter Cronkite’s erotic yoga.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Getting Ready for School
“Can you marry beer?”
RiffTrax Shorts: As We Like It
“We both poop in a box on the floor.”
RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up
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