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Keep Rolling!

…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Category: Horror

Written by RifftraxDecember 5, 2022December 2, 2022

“Why is Graham Parker showing us a nude photo of Stockard Channing?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Winterbeast.

Written by RifftraxNovember 25, 2022November 29, 2022

“Now we’re going to see the horror movie trope where the cat jumps out, scares Charles Durning, and he eats it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back.

Written by RifftraxNovember 11, 2022November 29, 2022

“Speaking of a nuclear dump, the coffee’s kicking in. I’ll be right back.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Wes Craven’s Mind Ripper.

Written by RifftraxNovember 10, 2022November 29, 2022

“‘Perhaps a philanderer but not an assassin’ is entirely the wrong thing to have on your Tinder profile.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Werewolf in a Girls’ Dormitory (Matthew J. Elliott and Ian Potter).

Written by RifftraxOctober 31, 2022November 12, 2022

“Let’s see, damp basement, bearded guys in capes, two strong indicators that the people around you care deeply whether Han shot first.”

Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.

Written by RifftraxOctober 27, 2022October 26, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & Mike & Vengeance of the Dead

Movie: I figure I’ll bring back a pizza for supper.

Written by RifftraxOctober 19, 2022October 18, 2022

“I’m Clu Gulager. I’d like you to meet my brothers Monopoly Gulager and Scrabble Gulager.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Uninvited.

Written by RifftraxOctober 13, 2022October 13, 2022

“And if I do this, I’ll magically like NASCAR?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.

Written by RifftraxOctober 9, 2022October 8, 2022

“And now, Halloween’s Michael Meyers as Katie Holmes in a one woman tribute to Abraham Lincoln.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 23, 2022September 24, 2022

Crocodile Dundee Riff From RiffTrax: Things

Kevin: I’d bring Crocodile Dundee in to comment on the knife situation, but I can’t subject him to this.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 18, 2022September 20, 2022

“Next episode, please!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 2.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 17, 2022September 20, 2022

“Anyone old enough to remember when Michael York was considered a movie star? No?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: The Veil – Part 1.

Written by RifftraxAugust 31, 2022August 1, 2022

“You guys want any more monkey nads? If not I’m going to scrape the grill.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Revenge of Doctor X.

Written by RifftraxAugust 25, 2022August 1, 2022

“Better not be any kids here messing around with ouija boards, spirit summoning, automatic writing, catalepsy, divination, levitation, parakinesis, precognition, or xenoglossy!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Power.

Written by RifftraxAugust 24, 2022August 1, 2022

“The door just opened and now it smells like Bela Lugosi in here. I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Phantom Creeps.

Written by RifftraxAugust 21, 2022July 31, 2022

“A common Transylvanian food that may be killing you. We’ll have the full story at ten.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The Night That Dracula Saved The World.

Written by RifftraxAugust 16, 2022July 27, 2022

“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.

Written by RifftraxAugust 6, 2022July 21, 2022

“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.

Written by RifftraxAugust 5, 2022July 21, 2022

“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.

Written by RifftraxAugust 4, 2022July 21, 2022

“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2022July 21, 2022

“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.

Written by RifftraxJuly 29, 2022July 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.

Written by RifftraxJuly 26, 2022July 27, 2022

Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon

Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.

Written by RifftraxJuly 21, 2022July 17, 2022

“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.

Written by RifftraxJuly 14, 2022July 12, 2022

“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2022July 11, 2022

“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.

Written by RifftraxJuly 11, 2022July 11, 2022

“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.

Written by RifftraxJuly 9, 2022July 8, 2022

“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.

Written by RifftraxJuly 4, 2022June 20, 2022

“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”

Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.

Written by RifftraxJune 27, 2022June 20, 2022

“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.

Written by RifftraxJune 21, 2022June 14, 2022

“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”

The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.

Written by RifftraxJune 18, 2022June 14, 2022

“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.

Written by RifftraxJune 17, 2022June 14, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch

Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?

Written by RifftraxJune 13, 2022June 11, 2022

“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.

Written by RifftraxJune 11, 2022June 3, 2022

“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.

Written by RifftraxJune 5, 2022June 2, 2022

“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.

Written by RifftraxJune 4, 2022June 1, 2022

“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.

Written by RifftraxMay 29, 2022May 24, 2022

“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches

Written by RifftraxMay 17, 2022March 19, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch

Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.

Written by RifftraxMay 13, 2022March 17, 2022

“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”

Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.

Written by RifftraxMay 9, 2022March 15, 2022

“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.

Written by RifftraxMay 2, 2022March 12, 2022

“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.

Written by RifftraxApril 23, 2022March 9, 2022

Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death

Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.

Written by RifftraxApril 22, 2022March 8, 2022

“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.

Written by RifftraxApril 13, 2022March 4, 2022

“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.

Written by RifftraxApril 5, 2022March 1, 2022

“‘Brice Mack.’ Pretty sure that’s one of the names we invented for the guy in Space Mutiny.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ruby.

Written by RifftraxApril 3, 2022February 28, 2022

RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”

“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.

Written by RifftraxMarch 30, 2022February 26, 2022

“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).

Written by RifftraxMarch 15, 2022February 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Hey, it’s the director.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Octaman.

Written by RifftraxMarch 14, 2022February 21, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Zombies Reminiscing” Sketch

Bill: Meanwhile the zombies are out there drinking PBR and reminiscing

Written by RifftraxMarch 10, 2022February 21, 2022

PixTrax: “Chester A. Arthur ladies and gentlemen.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: House on Haunted Hill.

Written by RifftraxMarch 9, 2022February 21, 2022

RiffTrax Tracks: “Fish Licker”

“Fish Licker” pulled from RiffTrax Live: Hobgoblins.

Written by RifftraxMarch 8, 2022February 21, 2022

“The Satellite Report just says, ‘Satellite’ by Dave Matthews is a terrible song.”

Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Giant Spider Invasion.

Written by RifftraxMarch 6, 2022February 21, 2022

“Organ playing is like cooking Russian food. I’m not sure how to tell if you’re great or terrible at it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls.

Written by RifftraxMarch 5, 2022February 21, 2022

“Ramsey’s van is usually idling within binocular distance of a Curves franchise.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Birdemic.

Written by RifftraxMarch 4, 2022March 4, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch

Mike: Castleton college?

Written by RifftraxMarch 3, 2022February 21, 2022

“Think Manos ever hangs out with Xenu at a bar for crappy deities?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: “Manos” the Hands of Fate.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 15, 2022February 5, 2022

“All my best teachers stood six inches from my face and whispered their lessons creepily in my ear.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master.

Written by RifftraxFebruary 3, 2022February 4, 2022

“Keep Rolling” From Rats: Night of Terror

Mike: Opps. Scrolling text missed its cue.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 29, 2022January 26, 2022

“There is nothing cinematically superior to people entering dimly lit rooms and looking around. Besides maybe shots of baseboard caulk hardening.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 21, 2022January 21, 2022

“I’m sorry, but I really can’t tolerate any non erection-based lighting systems at the moment.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Plankton.

Written by RifftraxDecember 21, 2021December 20, 2021

“A pork pie hat and an ammo belt. There’s my new look gentlemen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Night of the Living Dead (Three Riffer Edition).

Written by RifftraxDecember 20, 2021December 19, 2021

“Rabbits look like they’re posing for their album cover. Lead singer in the middle. Guitarist on the right. Idiot replacement drummer on the top.”

Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Night of the Lepus.

Written by RifftraxDecember 1, 2021December 2, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch

Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’

Written by RifftraxNovember 29, 2021November 28, 2021

“And if you’ve never seen this guy back down a ladder, you are in for a treat.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Mesa of Lost Women.

Written by RifftraxNovember 12, 2021November 11, 2021

“‘A Touch of Pacino’ is my new line of poultry seasoning.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Maniac.

Written by RifftraxNovember 8, 2021November 7, 2021

“Victims like the neighbor’s pet chicken, Richard M. Chickson.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lycan Colony.

Written by RifftraxNovember 2, 2021November 2, 2021

“Pipe down the Jewish a little, Mushnick. You make Maimonides seem like Tab Hunter.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Little Shop of Horrors.

Written by RifftraxOctober 17, 2021October 16, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Am I A Good Cop?” Speech

“It’s times like this when you’re approaching a mortuary late a night,

Written by RifftraxOctober 16, 2021October 16, 2021

Riff & React: Mike & Kingdom of Spiders

Movie: The venom we sent to the lab; it’s five times more toxic than normal.

Written by RifftraxOctober 15, 2021October 15, 2021

“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 29, 2021September 28, 2021

“Well, “cool” in the sense orthopedic headgear and Ziggy comics are cool.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack-O.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 27, 2021September 26, 2021

“Oh relax, it’s not poison. It’s elephant semen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 22, 2021September 22, 2021

“Laplanders can’t estimate size, that’s my favorite racists stereotype.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Invasion of the Animal People.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 14, 2021September 13, 2021

Riff & React: Mike & Ice Cream Man

Movie: I’m fixing up a little party for you.

Written by Andy BondSeptember 8, 2021September 7, 2021

“I’d use a stud finder but I’m afraid it would just detect me.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: House on Haunted Hill.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 6, 2021September 7, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch

Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?

Written by RifftraxAugust 25, 2021August 24, 2021

Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly

Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.

Written by RifftraxAugust 19, 2021August 18, 2021

“Ugh. Every search party has to have a dreamer.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flats.

Written by RifftraxAugust 15, 2021August 14, 2021

“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.

Written by RifftraxAugust 14, 2021February 1, 2022

Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch

Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.

Written by RifftraxAugust 13, 2021August 12, 2021

RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”

The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.

Written by RifftraxAugust 5, 2021August 4, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch

Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.

Written by RifftraxAugust 2, 2021August 1, 2021

“I wonder what kind of jobs you can get with a degree in mystical camping?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frozen Scream.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2021July 29, 2021

“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.

Written by RifftraxJuly 29, 2021July 28, 2021

“‘Beneath the grotto’ is also where I’m gonna need you to focus my sponge bath.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.

Written by RifftraxJuly 18, 2021July 16, 2021

“Stupid non-Wings Hauser actor. Why aren’t you Wings Hauser? God, I miss Wings Hauser. Now, that man can microwave a croissant.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.

Written by RifftraxJuly 15, 2021July 14, 2021

“He spends more time in the basement than the New York Jets.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.

Written by RifftraxJuly 14, 2021July 13, 2021

“The art department nailed what I thought her closet would look like.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders.

Written by RifftraxJuly 12, 2021July 11, 2021

“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”

The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.

Written by RifftraxJuly 4, 2021July 3, 2021

“Welcome to Waldrick, a tiny country bordered by Fredonia, Gilder, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead.

Written by RifftraxJune 10, 2021June 7, 2021

“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.

Written by RifftraxJune 2, 2021June 2, 2021

“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.

Written by RifftraxMay 31, 2021May 30, 2021

“Ah, the California Angels. Such an uncomplicated, natural sounding team name. I hope it never changes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.

Written by RifftraxMay 24, 2021May 23, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech

“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?

Written by RifftraxMay 14, 2021May 14, 2021

“Hey, please don’t insult the puss-filled eggs by comparing them to Coors Light.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Contamination.

Written by RifftraxMay 9, 2021May 6, 2021

“That was one wild night—drank a bottle of Old Grand-dad, smoked a packed of cigarettes, and studied plankton till dawn.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The City of the Dead.

Written by RifftraxApril 27, 2021April 25, 2021

“These two can’t stand each other, but they put it aside for the love of the dredging.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Carnival of Souls.

Written by RifftraxApril 18, 2021April 16, 2021

PixTrax: “Bryan Ferry and Bruce Dern: mad scientists.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster Movie Mash-up.

Written by RifftraxApril 17, 2021April 16, 2021

“This Amazonian rainforest heat calls for a wool pashmina.”

Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Bride of the Gorilla.

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