“Hey, if you come across Matthew Fox and Evangeline Lilly, run. They’re just making it up as they go.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.
Category: Horror
“‘That’s My Severed Trachea.’ This fall on TBS. Very funny.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“Usually with this many shirtless guys in one place, in the eighties, you’d expect a karate rivalry to break out.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Shark.
“Shoes on the couch. Well, I guess it really is the apocalypse.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Man on Earth.
“Little bastard was sneaking out for KFC Double Downs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant.
PixTrax: “Ladies and gentlemen, even Cheaper Trick.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: The House on Sorority Row.
Riff & React: Kevin & The Hideous Sun Demon
Movie: Now, we know that each individual goes through this evolutionary process before he is born.
“You make me wish your sister and I never had kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Galaxy Invader.
“Finally, a cult where fat guys can sway all they want.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Devil’s Hand.
“Oddball times like 5 quirky and 17 o’clock.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark Power.
“Alyson Hannigan in American Pie 22: Septuagenarian Antics.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Dark.
“He looks like a man who has strong opinions about the differences in quality between Hooters franchises.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Crater Lake Monster.
“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”
Star Wars Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and the Beast.
“Guys, this has just moved into my top five, all-time, winch securing scenes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
“’Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel’ is the greatest film of all-time.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax: The Alien Dead.
“Hey, I’m perambulatin’ here!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Terror in the Wax Museum.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch
Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?
“Teenage girls, notorious for their UFO skepticism.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Teenage Space Vampires.
“Oh, I know this place. When I was a kid we called this ‘Swamp of the Ravens’ which was obviously stupid because these birds are buzzards. Ha. Ha. Stupid kids who luckily don’t title movies.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.
“The Doom engine from 1993 is super cinematic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch.
“Let me introduce you to fat doctor. You’ll like fat doctor. Fat doctor good people.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Subspecies IV: The Awakening.
“Very few know of the dark and evil powers of concentrated 7-Up.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches
Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch
Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.
“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
“My apologies, sir. I know what it’s like to lose a janitor.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Shrunken Heads.
“Oh, come on! Anyone else’s pee except Igor’s.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: She Demons.
Riff & React: Ian & Matthew & Scared to Death
Movie: Someone has been giving her orders via mental telepathy.
“Gee, it’s not often you meet a guy who knows a Scottish guy. Should I let my heart go?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Scared To Death.
“Guys, has Pumpkin Patch Pictures ever made a bad film?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: San Franpsycho.
“‘Brice Mack.’ Pretty sure that’s one of the names we invented for the guy in Space Mutiny.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ruby.
RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”
“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.
“Tolkien slash fiction. ‘Fifty Shades of Gandalf the Grey.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Horror Express (by Matthew J. Elliott).
PixTrax: “Hey, it’s the director.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Octaman.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Zombies Reminiscing” Sketch
Bill: Meanwhile the zombies are out there drinking PBR and reminiscing
PixTrax: “Chester A. Arthur ladies and gentlemen.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: House on Haunted Hill.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Fish Licker”
“Fish Licker” pulled from RiffTrax Live: Hobgoblins.
“The Satellite Report just says, ‘Satellite’ by Dave Matthews is a terrible song.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Giant Spider Invasion.
“Organ playing is like cooking Russian food. I’m not sure how to tell if you’re great or terrible at it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Carnival of Souls.
“Ramsey’s van is usually idling within binocular distance of a Curves franchise.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Birdemic.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch
Mike: Castleton college?
“Think Manos ever hangs out with Xenu at a bar for crappy deities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: “Manos” the Hands of Fate.
“All my best teachers stood six inches from my face and whispered their lessons creepily in my ear.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master.
“Keep Rolling” From Rats: Night of Terror
Mike: Opps. Scrolling text missed its cue.
“There is nothing cinematically superior to people entering dimly lit rooms and looking around. Besides maybe shots of baseboard caulk hardening.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Psycho II.
“I’m sorry, but I really can’t tolerate any non erection-based lighting systems at the moment.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Plankton.
“A pork pie hat and an ammo belt. There’s my new look gentlemen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Night of the Living Dead (Three Riffer Edition).
“Rabbits look like they’re posing for their album cover. Lead singer in the middle. Guitarist on the right. Idiot replacement drummer on the top.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Night of the Lepus.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch
Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’
“And if you’ve never seen this guy back down a ladder, you are in for a treat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Mesa of Lost Women.
“‘A Touch of Pacino’ is my new line of poultry seasoning.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Maniac.
“Victims like the neighbor’s pet chicken, Richard M. Chickson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lycan Colony.
“Pipe down the Jewish a little, Mushnick. You make Maimonides seem like Tab Hunter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Little Shop of Horrors.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Am I A Good Cop?” Speech
“It’s times like this when you’re approaching a mortuary late a night,
Riff & React: Mike & Kingdom of Spiders
Movie: The venom we sent to the lab; it’s five times more toxic than normal.
“They all come running for the great taste of Bert.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: King of Kong Island.
“Well, “cool” in the sense orthopedic headgear and Ziggy comics are cool.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack-O.
“Oh relax, it’s not poison. It’s elephant semen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Jack Frost.
“Laplanders can’t estimate size, that’s my favorite racists stereotype.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Invasion of the Animal People.
Riff & React: Mike & Ice Cream Man
Movie: I’m fixing up a little party for you.
“I’d use a stud finder but I’m afraid it would just detect me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: House on Haunted Hill.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly
Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.
“Ugh. Every search party has to have a dreamer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Godmonster of Indian Flats.
“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch
Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.
“I wonder what kind of jobs you can get with a degree in mystical camping?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frozen Scream.
“Once you see me eat 25 White Castle hamburgers, you’ll never want another woman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Frankenstein’s Daughter.
“‘Beneath the grotto’ is also where I’m gonna need you to focus my sponge bath.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frankenstein Island.
“Stupid non-Wings Hauser actor. Why aren’t you Wings Hauser? God, I miss Wings Hauser. Now, that man can microwave a croissant.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fever Lake.
“He spends more time in the basement than the New York Jets.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
“The art department nailed what I thought her closet would look like.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders.
“Fear, my reaction to new ideas and surroundings.”
The First Riff from RiffTrax Presents: Fear.
“Welcome to Waldrick, a tiny country bordered by Fredonia, Gilder, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
“He managed to be lascivious about rubble.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Deadly Instincts.
“Ah, the California Angels. Such an uncomplicated, natural sounding team name. I hope it never changes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
“Hey, please don’t insult the puss-filled eggs by comparing them to Coors Light.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Contamination.
“That was one wild night—drank a bottle of Old Grand-dad, smoked a packed of cigarettes, and studied plankton till dawn.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The City of the Dead.
“These two can’t stand each other, but they put it aside for the love of the dredging.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Carnival of Souls.
PixTrax: “Bryan Ferry and Bruce Dern: mad scientists.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Presents: Bridget and Mary Jo’s Halloween Safety and Monster Movie Mash-up.
“This Amazonian rainforest heat calls for a wool pashmina.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Presents: Bride of the Gorilla.
“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“Oh Ellen, thank you for being brave enough to give people like the Kardashians some attention.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
PixTrax: “Alright, first off let me just explain how I got Timothy B. Schmidt’s hair.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Blood Exchanger Sketch”
Bill: We have a blood exchanger?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
“Next week on ‘Elderly Women Rummaging Through Things.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Stitches.
“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.
“And now back to the ‘Real World: Nilbog.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Troll 2.
“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake
Movie: The evil is coming.
“Next week on ‘Law and Order: Dumpster Pusher Unit.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The House On Sorority Row.
“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
Keep Rolling! 
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