“I don’t know. I don’t think, say Carl Reiner, has a lot of growing up to do.”
Carl Reiner March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020
Category: Kevin Murphy
“Fake Roger Daltrey is just pissed because she stepped on his chance to do a ‘meet the new boss, same as the old boss’ thing.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.
“Well, his hatred of doors is nothing compared to my hatred of The Doors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Emerson, Lake and Palmer Song Is Trying to Start Sketch”
Mike: An Emerson, Lake and Palmer song is trying to start!
“Glen Danzig will watch you bathe outdoors. Just try our new service. Get 15 percent off your first order with discount code ‘Glen Danzig will watch you bathe outdoors.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Boys Sketch”
Mike: Maybe these are “The Boys?”
“It looks like a hotel room that got trashed by The Decemberists.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up A Room.
PixTrax: “Someday, Pink Floyd will record a song about this.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Maniac.
“Patty Smyth is pissed. She’s going to shoot at them like they’re the walls of heartache.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Bounty Tracker.
“We’ll go our own way per Fleetwood Mac’s advice.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Are You Ready To Rock Sketch”
Kevin: Are you ready to rock?
“So they all have regrettable Star Wars tattoos. Who cares?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Yesterday’s Target.
“I assume for 1930s audiences seeing this pack of dogs on screen was the equivalent of a hundred Death Stars.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.
“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and The Beast.
“You call that a hyperdrive? I’ve seen more torque on a BB-8.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Star Games.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Undramatic Digital Fantasy Effects Sketch”
Kevin: So, at what age do you stop being interested in really undramatic digital fantasy effects?
“Ohh, this one’s big enough to tauntaun.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
“They can’t fix the bike until their nephew returns with some power converters.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
“Hey, a stormtrooper finally hit somebody.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.
“The unspecified banking industry has just been hell lately.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“This is all wrong. This isn’t how people play football. Where’s the tuxes?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Oh baby, talk naughty to me in an incomprehensible accent.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Not like jean jackets, man. Jean jackets make total sense to me.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“He’s so dreamy in a Macaroni Grill waiter kinda of way.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“My banking shirt. I need that for banking.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Ah yes, Dominos’ I-was-born-without-taste-buds special.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Efficient Sex Scene Sketch”
Kevin: Now, why can’t the sex scenes be that efficient?
“Who sets their alarm for 28 minutes past the hour?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“Poor kid, has to do homework instead of watching his gross neighbors bone like most kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“And we’re back.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Peakviewing Transatlantic Sketch”
Bill: Peakviewing Transatlantic: sure we make films, but mostly we fly over oceans to look at mountains.
“The National Weather Service has issued a severe thunderstorm storm warning as well as a severely cheesy movie watch.”
First riff from RiffTrax: The Bride and The Beast.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Day The First Man Sketch.”
Mike: The day Lincoln got shot.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Sprach Zarathustra Speech.”
Kevin: Sounds like Sprach Zarathustra.
“Ah man, I got to mail this to Roger. He of all people will love this vengeance needs blood. Ha! Ha! Ha! That is so up Roger’s alley.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Jesse Ventura Sketch”
Mike: Guys, I’m not sure what’s coming but this music is getting me pretty pumped up about it.
PixTrax: “Vacuum cleaners of the gods.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Supersonic Man.
PixTrax: “Presents the name that shocked the spelling world.”
First riff from RiffTrax: Cyborg Cop 2.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Signal Lamp Sketch.”
Mike: A signal lamp trying to tell us something. Kevin, please decode.
PixTrax: “Scott Shaw presents default Adobe Premiere slate templates.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Rollergator.
PixTrax: “Cornet presents: Putting on Gloves and You.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Laser Mission.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Betty Columbia Speech.”
“Hi, guys. Betty Columbia here. Welcome to the show.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Four Seasons For Life Sketch”
Kevin: The Frankie Valli Institute!?! Ah crap, I was hoping for a sneak preview of The Jersey Boys film adaptation.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dry Cleaner Sketch”
Kevin: What? Wait! What the—
“Wonder if the Wizard ever had a tiff with Hooded Justice from the Watchmen over costume similarities?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
“Spontaneous combustion: it’s not just for elderly shut-ins anymore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard! (Episode 8).
PixTrax: “How Apple wants you to see your year-old iPhone.”
PixTrax captured from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Much More Discrete Sketch”
Kevin: This is much more discrete then simply walking to the rendezvous point.
“Also, Batman smells like Aspercreme.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Ruse (Episode 11).
“Now we can make our own table salt instead of buying it like suckers.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Robin Rescues Batman (Episode 5).
“But I’m late for my Louis Nye resembling lesson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3).
Sketches & Speeches: “The Pirate’s World Breakup Sketch”
Kevin: So, did you have fun in the Thumbelina room?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beach Blanket Assassins Sketch”
Mike: Frankie Avalon in Beach Blanket Assassins.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dear Diary Sketch”
Bill: Dear Diary, Mr. Clifford was worse than useless. He just sat there pretending to be dead most of the time.
Sketches & Speeches: “The What’s Crack? Sketch”
Bill: What’s a crack? Is it a baby?
Speeches & Sketches: Kevin Murphy’s “Wade William’s Go To Guy Speech”
“Ah yeah, Herbert Tevos he was Wade William’s go to guy every time he had a Lost Women project cued up. ‘Hey, where are the women lost this time, Wade?’ ‘On a mesa.’ ‘Well damn, you got to put me on this project. If you don’t have a soundtrack yet, I know this guy who […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The Bruce Springsteen’s Trailer Sketch”
Bill: Bruce Springsteen lives in a construction trailer?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ed McMahon Serious Threat Sketch”
Bill: These aliens move like barges. They’re too slow to be a serious threat.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Andromeda Strain/Alien Sketch”
Mike: Hey, you got your Andromeda Strain in my Alien.
Sketches & Speeches: “The White Trash Twilight Skit”
Kevin: Edward Cullen and Bella Swan’s white trash phase…
Sketches & Speeches: “The Titular Buffalo Rider Sketch”
Mike: He rides a buffalo mind you, but he’s not the titular buffalo rider. Gonna be awhile until we get to him. Bill: Ah, come on! Mike: We apologize for any inconvenience, but in the meantime, please enjoy this shot of a man sitting on a buffalo. Bill: So, this isn’t even Buffalo Jones, a […]
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Mr. Fujiyama’s Lawn Sketch”
Mike: It appears the real criminal here is whoever is charging Mr. Fujiyama for lawn care and landscaping.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Buy You A Hamburger Sketch”
Kevin: Hey Mike, I’ll buy you a hamburger.
Sketches & Speeches: “The NTC Software Sketch”
Kevin: So, then I started work at NTC Software. Have I told you about NTC Software, yet?
Sketches & Speeches “The Swamp of Us Sketch”
Mike: Hi, we’re The Ravens. Welcome to this, the Swamp of Us. Please note we are not implying nor should you infer any ownership by us of the swamp.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Chinese New Year Sketch”
Mike: It’s their year of the cock celebration.
Sketches & Speeches: “The We Are Destroying Sketch”
Movie: Destroy! Destroy them!
RiffList: “Dave Ryder Nicknames”
Lump Drywall
Sketches & Speeches: “The Last Slumber Party Players Sketch”
Kevin: It was all a dream!
RiffTrax Tracks: “O Come, All Ye Pretty Woman”
RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Workshop
“For instance, did you know that Santa did a nickel in Greenville for check kiting?”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa
Sketches & Speeches: “The Guy from Simply Red Speech”
Kevin: On the right there, is that the guy from Simply Red?
RiffTrax Tracks: “Hannibal Lecter’s Christmas Trees”
RiffTrax: Christmas Circus
RiffTrax Tracks: “Christmas Dream”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Christmas Dream
Sketches & Speeches: Kevin Murphy’s “Third Runner-Up” Speech
“And now, the third runner-up in our Christmas diorama contest this year.
Sketches and Speeches: “The 12 Days of Jack Frost Sketch”
Mike: Three meatheads staring.
“Yes, nothing says Christmas like a brown lawn and a stained driveway.”
RiffTrax: Christmas with RiffTrax featuring Magic Christmas Tree
“Hey kid, this is Christmas. Try to look a little less like a Dorothea Lange photo can you?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far
Sketches & Speeches: “The Christmas Nostalgia Sketch”
Bill: Yeah, gotta admit guys all this tender Christmas nostalgia is kinda getting to me.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Thanksgiving Carols Sketch”
Kevin: Ah, Thanksgiving carols. I remember going door-to-door singing carols in exchange for turkey.
PixTrax: “Thanksgiving is a Native American word meaning obscenely tall candles?”
RiffTrax Shorts: Dining Together
“It was the best of turkeys, it was the worst of turkeys.”
RiffTrax Shorts: One Turkey, Two Turkey
“I hope they don’t have sleeves in jail.”
RiffTrax: Martial Law
PixTrax: “Can you confirm my resemblance to Sam Elliott, over?”
RiffTrax: Warriors of the Wasteland
“She can ‘John’ my ‘Pertwee’ anytime.”
RiffTrax: Dr. Who and The Daleks
“He’s playing the home version of Broadchurch.”
RiffTrax: The Hideous Sun Demon
“Hiding behind cereal grains like a true action hero.”
RiffTrax: Karate Cop
RiffTrax Tracks: “The Plane”
RiffTrax: Contamination
“Jack, you didn’t ‘Richard Gere’ the imp did you?”
RiffTrax: Jack the Giant Killer
“I could be banging Marvin the Martian’s wife right now.”
RiffTrax: Feeders
“They ventured across the galaxy to tease our cats!”
RiffTrax: The Visitor
“This guy is exactly like my dentist, right down to the office monkey.”
RiffTrax: Swap of the Ravens
“I’m just a man with a burning desire to try on the dress shirts of other men.”
RiffTrax Shorts: A Day with Fireman Bill
“Your Spanish tendency to run ahead of castle tours is almost as bad as Hawaiians and their famous impressionability.”
RiffTrax: Bloody Pit of Horror
“Disposing of the script for ‘Paul Blart III: Trouble in Fart City.'”
RiffTrax Shorts: The Litter Monster
“Ah, so this is where they keep their stash. Hmm, Mendocino County sensimilla. Nice.”
RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back
“And for the 50th billionth time, I’m not prone to hyperbole.”
RiffTrax: Fever Lake
“Oh god! It’s those thugs from the University of Central Florida extension classes.”
RiffTrax Live: Miami Connection
