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…Because some Riffs have it coming!

Category: Kevin Murphy

Written by RifftraxJanuary 17, 2021January 20, 2021

“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 10, 2021January 20, 2021

“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 9, 2021January 20, 2021

“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 8, 2021January 20, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”

Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 5, 2021January 20, 2021

“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 3, 2021January 20, 2021

“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.

Written by RifftraxJanuary 1, 2021January 20, 2021

Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”

Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.

Written by RifftraxDecember 30, 2020December 29, 2020

“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.

Written by RifftraxDecember 27, 2020December 26, 2020

“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.         

Written by RifftraxDecember 24, 2020December 24, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship

Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.

Written by RifftraxDecember 22, 2020December 16, 2020

“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.

Written by RifftraxDecember 18, 2020December 16, 2020

“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.

Written by RifftraxDecember 16, 2020December 11, 2020

“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.

Written by RifftraxDecember 12, 2020December 12, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake

Movie: The evil is coming.

Written by RifftraxDecember 10, 2020December 5, 2020

“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.

Written by RifftraxDecember 4, 2020December 2, 2020

“And now back to this week’s episode of ‘Hi Honey, I’m Homo Erectus.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus!

Written by RifftraxDecember 1, 2020November 30, 2020

“It’s a wacky comedy about how she was shot in the head, so she moves to L.A. and gets a job on a small TV news station.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.

Written by RifftraxNovember 29, 2020November 29, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch

Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.

Written by RifftraxNovember 28, 2020November 27, 2020

RiffTrax Tracks: “Hanging Out With My Enemies”

Written by RifftraxNovember 27, 2020November 25, 2020

“The director challenged them to walk less naturally than Rod from Birdemic.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“I see a mountain lion. I got to get back to my house. You better get back to your car.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.

Written by RifftraxNovember 26, 2020November 25, 2020

“Oh, I hear a mountain lion!”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.

Written by RifftraxNovember 24, 2020November 20, 2020

“Ot-oh, we got a Birdemic situation. She’s going to Becky-it up out there.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.

Written by RifftraxNovember 23, 2020November 23, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech

Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.

Written by RifftraxNovember 21, 2020November 21, 2020

“What it would look like if NASA had hired James Nguyen to fake the moon landing instead of Kubrick.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.

Written by RifftraxNovember 19, 2020November 18, 2020

“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.

Written by RifftraxNovember 16, 2020November 16, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch

Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.

Written by RifftraxNovember 15, 2020November 15, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch

Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.

Written by RifftraxNovember 13, 2020November 10, 2020

“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.

Written by RifftraxNovember 11, 2020November 10, 2020

PixTrax: “James Nguyen’s Hell’s Angels brother.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.

Written by RifftraxNovember 10, 2020November 10, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch

Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.

Written by RifftraxNovember 9, 2020November 9, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch

Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.

Written by RifftraxNovember 8, 2020November 8, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch

Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.

Written by RifftraxNovember 6, 2020November 6, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch

Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.

Written by RifftraxNovember 5, 2020November 4, 2020

“Rowing and docking. This was directed by Norseman James Nguyen.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.

Written by RifftraxNovember 2, 2020November 4, 2020

“Finally, a movie that does for aimless scuba diving what Birdemic did for gradual driving and parking.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.

Written by RifftraxNovember 1, 2020November 4, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch

Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.

Written by RifftraxOctober 31, 2020October 1, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”

Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?

Written by RifftraxOctober 30, 2020October 1, 2020

Riff & React: “Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.”

Movie: Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.

Written by RifftraxOctober 27, 2020October 1, 2020

“Everyone is losing their minds just like when The Beatles played Mrs. Peterson’s third period study hall.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.

Written by RifftraxOctober 25, 2020October 1, 2020

Riff & React: “So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?”

Movie: So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?

Written by RifftraxOctober 24, 2020October 1, 2020

“Hey guys, guys. Hey, let’s do the Abbey Road thing, guys. Guys? Come on.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.

Written by RifftraxOctober 20, 2020October 1, 2020

“Sir George Martin, we get it. You produced The Beatles. Do something this century.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.

Written by RifftraxOctober 17, 2020October 1, 2020

“As you are he and we are all together. Goo goo g’joob.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.

Written by RifftraxOctober 14, 2020October 16, 2020

PixTrax: “Sam is the Katzman. Yeah, he’s the Katzman.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.

Written by RifftraxOctober 12, 2020October 1, 2020

“Why don’t you vaporize me in the road?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.

Written by RifftraxOctober 8, 2020October 1, 2020

Riff & React: “Close your eyes.”

Movie: Close your eyes.

Written by RifftraxOctober 6, 2020October 1, 2020

PixTrax: “Oh no, hillbilly John Lennon is robbing a bank.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Light Blast.

Written by RifftraxOctober 3, 2020October 1, 2020

PixTrax: “Sgt. Pepper’s Foxy Hearts Club Band.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wonderful Land of Oz.

Written by RifftraxOctober 1, 2020October 1, 2020

“Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George, and Summlaxadork.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Starship Troopers.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 27, 2020September 24, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Planet of Dinosaurs

Movie: Navigation, where are we?

Written by RifftraxSeptember 25, 2020September 24, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Hillbillys in a Haunted House

Movie: It’s so elegant.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 23, 2020September 15, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Martial Law 2

Movie: So, who’s the new girl?

Written by RifftraxSeptember 21, 2020September 15, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Cyborg Cop 2

Movie: What about the constitution?

Written by RifftraxSeptember 19, 2020September 15, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Zombie: I Eat Your Skin

Movie: Please don’t touch it.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 16, 2020September 10, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Lovely But Deadly

Movie: And now it’s time for Captain Magic to show you how he got his name.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 13, 2020September 13, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & The Dark Power

Ms. Dalton: Mr. Girard, what are you doing here?

Written by RifftraxSeptember 9, 2020September 1, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & 1990: Bronx Warriors

Movie: Hey, one more step and you’re dead.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 5, 2020September 1, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Tourist Trap

Movie: Feels like flesh.

Written by RifftraxSeptember 1, 2020September 1, 2020

Riff & React: Kevin & Blood Theatre

Movie: What did we do to deserve to be sent to this pit?

Written by RifftraxAugust 31, 2020August 5, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Ice Cream Man

Mike: Golden Corral’s new slogan—ah dang, I can’t quite make that work.

Written by RifftraxAugust 29, 2020August 29, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant

“‘I’m hungry, imbecile.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.”

Written by RifftraxAugust 25, 2020August 4, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Son of Sinbad… Again!

Movie: If this doesn’t kill them, the smell will.

Written by RifftraxAugust 22, 2020August 4, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Dark Future

“‘What is this place? Just shut up.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.” Golden Corral’s new slogan pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.

Written by RifftraxAugust 20, 2020August 4, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Night of the Yellow Beast

Movie: Come now, it’s good meat. Probably better than anything you ever tasted. Eat, my boy.

Written by RifftraxAugust 17, 2020August 17, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Contamination

“Golden Corral’s new slogan.”

Written by RifftraxAugust 14, 2020August 4, 2020

Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Velvet Smooth

Movie: I never expect anything.

Written by RifftraxAugust 11, 2020August 4, 2020

“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served by I Believe in Santa Claus

Movie: I can’t wait a few hours. I’m hungry.

Written by RifftraxAugust 7, 2020August 4, 2020

“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served By Giant From The Unknown

Movie: This is a bad place for you to be. Only evil can come through here.

Written by RifftraxAugust 3, 2020August 4, 2020

“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served By RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch

Movie: I can’t tell what it is from here, but you’ll have its head on a platter by nightfall.

Written by RifftraxJuly 31, 2020July 28, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”

Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.

Written by RifftraxJuly 30, 2020July 23, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”

Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.

Written by RifftraxJuly 26, 2020July 26, 2020

“Hauled away, humiliated and wet, like every time I visit Applebee’s.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

Written by RifftraxJuly 23, 2020July 21, 2020

“I love you. Here’s a pressure cooker.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.

Written by RifftraxJuly 21, 2020July 19, 2020

“Ah, garage chess, the best kind of chess.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.

Written by RifftraxJuly 18, 2020July 11, 2020

“Okay look, play God all you want but leave the Ed Grimley dancing out of it.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen.

Written by RifftraxJuly 8, 2020July 8, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Polonia Brothers Erotica Sketch”

Kevin: Oh yes. Soap up there, mustache. That’s how Kevie likes it.

Written by RifftraxJuly 5, 2020June 30, 2020

“Kids love it when furries have labor disputes.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.

Written by RifftraxJuly 1, 2020July 1, 2020

“I don’t know. I don’t think, say Carl Reiner, has a lot of growing up to do.”

Carl Reiner March 20, 1922 – June 29, 2020

Written by RifftraxJune 30, 2020June 16, 2020

“Fake Roger Daltrey is just pissed because she stepped on his chance to do a ‘meet the new boss, same as the old boss’ thing.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Apple.

Written by RifftraxJune 26, 2020June 18, 2020

“Well, his hatred of doors is nothing compared to my hatred of The Doors.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Tourist Trap.

Written by RifftraxJune 16, 2020June 16, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Emerson, Lake and Palmer Song Is Trying to Start Sketch”

Mike: An Emerson, Lake and Palmer song is trying to start!

Written by RifftraxJune 13, 2020June 11, 2020

“Glen Danzig will watch you bathe outdoors. Just try our new service. Get 15 percent off your first order with discount code ‘Glen Danzig will watch you bathe outdoors.'”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.

Written by RifftraxJune 12, 2020June 9, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Boys Sketch”

Mike: Maybe these are “The Boys?”

Written by RifftraxJune 11, 2020June 9, 2020

“It looks like a hotel room that got trashed by The Decemberists.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Setting Up A Room.

Written by RifftraxJune 8, 2020June 7, 2020

PixTrax: “Someday, Pink Floyd will record a song about this.”

PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Maniac.

Written by RifftraxJune 7, 2020June 2, 2020

“Patty Smyth is pissed. She’s going to shoot at them like they’re the walls of heartache.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Bounty Tracker.

Written by RifftraxJune 5, 2020June 2, 2020

“We’ll go our own way per Fleetwood Mac’s advice.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Girl from Rio.

Written by RifftraxJune 1, 2020June 1, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Are You Ready To Rock Sketch”

Kevin: Are you ready to rock?

Written by RifftraxMay 30, 2020May 25, 2020

“So they all have regrettable Star Wars tattoos. Who cares?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Yesterday’s Target.

Written by RifftraxMay 23, 2020May 16, 2020

“I assume for 1930s audiences seeing this pack of dogs on screen was the equivalent of a hundred Death Stars.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Most Dangerous Game.

Written by RifftraxMay 20, 2020May 16, 2020

“Always have to take an elective before you begin Jedi training.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bride and The Beast.

Written by RifftraxMay 18, 2020May 16, 2020

“You call that a hyperdrive? I’ve seen more torque on a BB-8.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Star Games.

Written by RifftraxMay 12, 2020May 11, 2020

Sketches & Speeches: “The Undramatic Digital Fantasy Effects Sketch”

Kevin: So, at what age do you stop being interested in really undramatic digital fantasy effects?

Written by RifftraxMay 9, 2020May 9, 2020

“Ohh, this one’s big enough to tauntaun.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.

Written by RifftraxMay 6, 2020May 2, 2020

“They can’t fix the bike until their nephew returns with some power converters.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.

Written by RifftraxMay 4, 2020May 2, 2020

“Hey, a stormtrooper finally hit somebody.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.

Written by RifftraxApril 28, 2020April 11, 2020

“The unspecified banking industry has just been hell lately.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.

Written by RifftraxApril 26, 2020April 11, 2020

“This is all wrong. This isn’t how people play football. Where’s the tuxes?”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.

Written by RifftraxApril 24, 2020April 11, 2020

“Oh baby, talk naughty to me in an incomprehensible accent.”

Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.

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