“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
Category: Kevin Murphy
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Yeah, just have a nap and maybe duck down to the crap pile and have myself a roll. Perfect afternoon.
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behavior of Domestic Pigs.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“You got to give your super villains their positive reinforcement or else they get cranky.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.
“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.    Â
Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship
Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.
“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.
Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake
Movie: The evil is coming.
“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“And now back to this week’s episode of ‘Hi Honey, I’m Homo Erectus.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus!
“It’s a wacky comedy about how she was shot in the head, so she moves to L.A. and gets a job on a small TV news station.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch
Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.
“The director challenged them to walk less naturally than Rod from Birdemic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
“I see a mountain lion. I got to get back to my house. You better get back to your car.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
“Oh, I hear a mountain lion!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
“Ot-oh, we got a Birdemic situation. She’s going to Becky-it up out there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech
Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.
“What it would look like if NASA had hired James Nguyen to fake the moon landing instead of Kubrick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch
Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.
“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
PixTrax: “James Nguyen’s Hell’s Angels brother.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch
Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch
Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch
Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch
Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.
“Rowing and docking. This was directed by Norseman James Nguyen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Finally, a movie that does for aimless scuba diving what Birdemic did for gradual driving and parking.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”
Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?
Riff & React: “Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.”
Movie: Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.
“Everyone is losing their minds just like when The Beatles played Mrs. Peterson’s third period study hall.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.
Riff & React: “So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?”
Movie: So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?
“Hey guys, guys. Hey, let’s do the Abbey Road thing, guys. Guys? Come on.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.
“Sir George Martin, we get it. You produced The Beatles. Do something this century.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.
“As you are he and we are all together. Goo goo g’joob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
PixTrax: “Sam is the Katzman. Yeah, he’s the Katzman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.
“Why don’t you vaporize me in the road?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.
Riff & React: “Close your eyes.”
Movie: Close your eyes.
PixTrax: “Oh no, hillbilly John Lennon is robbing a bank.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Light Blast.
PixTrax: “Sgt. Pepper’s Foxy Hearts Club Band.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Wonderful Land of Oz.
“Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles: John, Paul, George, and Summlaxadork.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Starship Troopers.
Riff & React: Kevin & Planet of Dinosaurs
Movie: Navigation, where are we?
Riff & React: Kevin & Hillbillys in a Haunted House
Movie: It’s so elegant.
Riff & React: Kevin & Martial Law 2
Movie: So, who’s the new girl?
Riff & React: Kevin & Cyborg Cop 2
Movie: What about the constitution?
Riff & React: Kevin & Zombie: I Eat Your Skin
Movie: Please don’t touch it.
Riff & React: Kevin & Lovely But Deadly
Movie: And now it’s time for Captain Magic to show you how he got his name.
Riff & React: Kevin & The Dark Power
Ms. Dalton: Mr. Girard, what are you doing here?
Riff & React: Kevin & 1990: Bronx Warriors
Movie: Hey, one more step and you’re dead.
Riff & React: Kevin & Tourist Trap
Movie: Feels like flesh.
Riff & React: Kevin & Blood Theatre
Movie: What did we do to deserve to be sent to this pit?
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Ice Cream Man
Mike: Golden Corral’s new slogan—ah dang, I can’t quite make that work.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By The Incredible 2-Headed Transplant
“‘I’m hungry, imbecile.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.”
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Son of Sinbad… Again!
Movie: If this doesn’t kill them, the smell will.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Dark Future
“‘What is this place? Just shut up.’ Golden Corral’s new slogan.” Golden Corral’s new slogan pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Night of the Yellow Beast
Movie: Come now, it’s good meat. Probably better than anything you ever tasted. Eat, my boy.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Contamination
“Golden Corral’s new slogan.”
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Velvet Smooth
Movie: I never expect anything.
“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served by I Believe in Santa Claus
Movie: I can’t wait a few hours. I’m hungry.
“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served By Giant From The Unknown
Movie: This is a bad place for you to be. Only evil can come through here.
“Golden Corral’s New Slogan” Served By RiffTrax: Suburban Sasquatch
Movie: I can’t tell what it is from here, but you’ll have its head on a platter by nightfall.
Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”
Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.
