“Tool Sheds Enterers, this fall on Nat Geo Channel.”
Television Teaser pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
Category: Kevin Murphy
“Anybody need anything Walked or Texas ranged?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Silent Rage.
“I hope you kids like Scotch.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Shy Guy.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
“Oh knee buttons, will you ever bring me peace?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Santa’s Summer House.
“And the children are thrown into a frenzy not seen since Stravinsky debuted The Rite of Spring.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Santa Claus’ Punch and Judy.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Narrating Another Woman” Sketch
Kevin: That night, mother found out father had been narrating another woman.
“Young Bruce Springsteen, you stop running right now. And no, you are not born to do it, mister.”
Rock ‘n’ Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Safe Living at School.
“I think I ruptured my bowl full of jelly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
RiffTrax Tracks: “We Accept The Challenge”
“We Accept The Challenge” pulled from RiffTrax: Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare.
“Judson Landis will collaborate anything if the price is right. He’s a collabo-whore.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Right or Wrong?
“A Plymouth Reliant shot through a chain link fence? Dial back the visual splendor please!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Time Chasers.
Riff & React: Kevin & RiffTrax Live: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Movie: I never saw such lazy people.
Riff & React: Kevin & RiffTrax Live: Samurai Cop
Movie: Feel like somebody stuck a big club up my ass and it hurts.
“Or my name isn’t the Dad from Alf.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Reefer Madness.
“Attention aliens, will you leave if we give you Shirley MacLaine?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Live: Plan 9 From Outer Space.
PixTrax: “Hey, it’s the director.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Live: Octaman.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Zombies Reminiscing” Sketch
Bill: Meanwhile the zombies are out there drinking PBR and reminiscing
Sketches & Speeches: The “Dragon Sound and Friendship For Life” Sketch.
Kevin: Well, that’s it. I’m burning all my Beatles albums. Dragon Sound and friendship for life. Yeah!
Riff & React: Kevin & RiffTrax Live: Jack the Giant Killer
Movie: We have plans to make. The dawn comes much too soon.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Fish Licker”
“Fish Licker” pulled from RiffTrax Live: Hobgoblins.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch
Mike: Castleton college?
“I don’t think we can survive on boogers.”
Riff pulled from Holiday From Rules.
Nick Nolte Moment From Halloween Safety 2: Even Safer
Kevin: Hey, Nick Nolte!?!
RiffTrax Tracks: “Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski”
“Don’t You Bastards Try To Ski” pulled from RiffTrax: Copper Mountain.
RiffTrax Track: “Clockwise (Number #9)”
The Beatles RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Rhythmic Ball Skills.
“All my best teachers stood six inches from my face and whispered their lessons creepily in my ear.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Retro Puppet Master.
“Your name is Dog Balls McQuack?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Remember Me.
Riff & React: Kevin & Reading: Who needs it?
Movie: And I don’t need no English.
“Keep Rolling” From Rats: Night of Terror
Mike: Opps. Scrolling text missed its cue.
PixTrax: “I write Drupal code.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Radical Jack.
“And I do mean crawl. You see folks, I’m secretly a baby.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: R.O.T.O.R.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Truck Driving Blues”
“Truck Driving Blues” pulled from RiffTrax: Psychotronic Man.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gary Gygax” Sketch
Mike: Hey, I just got a note from the ghost of Gary Gygax.
“I hear the name Ruth G. Strickland and I imagine Donald Rumsfeld in drag.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Prickly the Porcupine.
“How much do you know about Vermont’s cheddar mining industry?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Pressure Point.
“We need the movie in our monitors.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Play Safe (Live Edition).
“I’m sorry, but I really can’t tolerate any non erection-based lighting systems at the moment.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Plankton.
“Mary Appleseth wanted top billing but got crushed by the powerful Derna Wylde publicly machine.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Planet of Dinosaurs.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Citizen Kane of Bad Movies” Sketch
Mike: And here we go with the Citizen Kane of bad movies.
“Sounds like ‘Tom’s Diner’ as performed by John Cage.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: People Soup.
“Look at that, poor kid’s addicted to sandwich fumes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Paper and I.
“The good, the bad, and the straight to video.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Oblivion 2: Backlash.
“Well, anyway, here’s my speech entitled ‘Things I Shouldn’t Have Licked.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Gives a Speech.
“Want to lick my squirrel?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Checks In.
“Enjoy the Dragon Sound concert tonight, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.
“Make them suffer. Only let them have access to those weird video games you can play on hotel room TVs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ninja Warlord.
Riff & React: Kevin & Neutron The Atomic Superman vs. The Death Robots
Movie: This is Professor Mensies.
“Whose natural poured concrete habitat had been meticulously recreated.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mr. Moto Takes a Walk.
“Best anal glands in the business, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mother Goose’s Birthday Party with Ronald McDonald.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doing Words” Sketch
Mike: Doing words? Oh, let’s see. Well, roast comes to mind. Also, parboil, saute, baste, marinate, and dice.
“If we don’t hurry, all the good husbands will be taken.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Molly Grows Up.
“Would a guy with a velvet bull fighter painting lie?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Missile to the Moon
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch
Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’
“Okay, this sword fight is reaching ‘Hey Jude’ levels of over-staying its welcome.”
Beatles riff pulled from RiffTrax: Merlin: The Return.
“Are you my new dad this week?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Measuring Man!
“Here’s a great educational program about digesting your food which is preventing you from digesting your food.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mealtime Manners & Health.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ninjas Suck Sketch”
Kevin: Wait! This guy—it just occurred to me—
Riff & React: Kevin & Martial Law 2
Movie: So, who’s the new girl?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Giant X” Sketch
Bill: Oh god, a giant ‘X’ from nowhere!
“Victims like the neighbor’s pet chicken, Richard M. Chickson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lycan Colony.
PixTrax: “He should be at the skinny Adam West convention.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.
Riff & React: Mike and Live and Learn
Movie: A campfire can be a lot fun, but it can also be very dangerous.
“Mommy’s lip sync is always off before her morning coffee.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
“The ‘Keep Off The Grass’ cinematic universe is expanding very quickly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Keep Off The Grass.
“He gets so snippy when he’s sleeveless.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Karate Cop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Kangaroo Can’t Play Basketball” Sketch
Kevin: Wait a second. Is there a rule that says a kangaroo can’t play basketball?
“Ah great, a joy ride. These usually end well in educational films.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Joy Ride.
“Game. Set. Blanford.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Improve Your Pronunciation.
“Remember, blind obedience is the only cure for clown induced depression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
“There’s a Kringle on the wing of the plane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
“Traffic Education Unit: teaching about, and advocating for, a Steve Winwood based progressive rock group since 1945.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Highway Mania.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
PixTrax: “It stinks.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Gumby: The Movie
Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly
Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.
“God damn, you old-school sapping weeds!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goodbye, Weeds.
“Chew deep into the afternoon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Eating Habits.
“Okay, give me the full Clockwork Orange, doc. I can take it.”
RIff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Glasses for Susan.
“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
“We should all start judging time in terms of when scientists arrive at airports.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Gammera The Invincible.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
“It’s time for fish tracks.”
Riff pulled from Fishin’ With RiffTrax.
“Kids, all good first aid involves befouling the public water supply.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: First Aid for Children – I Can Do It Myself.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
“Motionless in a Brady Bunch box.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Emergencies – What Would You Do?
“It’s the Lego William Burroughs starter kit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drugs Are Like That.
“Ah Halloween, so many horn-based memories.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle.
Riff & React: Kevin & Dragon Wars: D-War
Movie: I’ve covered some crazy stories.
“Look at this, two stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dr. Who and the Daleks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
“Sad people soullessly stamping out product. This is how I picture Marvel films.”
Riff pulled from Day of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2019.
“Almonds! Who do you think we are, King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: David and Hazel: A Story in Communication.
“And can my resemblance to Mark Trail help in anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Damaged Goods.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
Keep Rolling! 
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