Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
Category: Kevin Murphy
“It’s time for fish tracks.”
Riff pulled from Fishin’ With RiffTrax.
“Kids, all good first aid involves befouling the public water supply.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: First Aid for Children – I Can Do It Myself.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
“Motionless in a Brady Bunch box.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Emergencies – What Would You Do?
“It’s the Lego William Burroughs starter kit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drugs Are Like That.
“Ah Halloween, so many horn-based memories.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle.
Riff & React: Kevin & Dragon Wars: D-War
Movie: I’ve covered some crazy stories.
“Look at this, two stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dr. Who and the Daleks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
“Sad people soullessly stamping out product. This is how I picture Marvel films.”
Riff pulled from Day of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2019.
“Almonds! Who do you think we are, King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: David and Hazel: A Story in Communication.
“And can my resemblance to Mark Trail help in anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Damaged Goods.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hard Bop” Sketch
Bill: Kids really enjoy their hard bop, don’t they?
RiffTrax Tracks: County Fair Super Mix
RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: County Fair.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech
“Hi, folks. I’m Corkren Theopolis Crow. You may remember me from Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, The Birds. I got to pluck Suzanne Pleshette’s eyes out. You know, working with Ms. Pleshette was a delight. She was a real pro and her eyeballs were delicious. And now here’s our story.” The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech pulled from […]
“I am a William Katt doppelganger, sir, and I deserve respect.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cops: Who Needs Them?
“Hey, please don’t insult the puss-filled eggs by comparing them to Coors Light.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Contamination.
“Chairman Mao goes nuts for a good nativity scene.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Warnings by fish-headed Star Wars characters not withstanding”
Star Wars riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Carnivorous Plants.
“And don’t let your son join a band called ‘The Skinless Wieners.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Buying Food.
“The Muppets look more natural riding bikes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Busy Bodies.
“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Yeah, just have a nap and maybe duck down to the crap pile and have myself a roll. Perfect afternoon.
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behavior of Domestic Pigs.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“You got to give your super villains their positive reinforcement or else they get cranky.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
“‘Crowbar Hunter’ a new series on the Learning Channel.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From the Unknown.
“But don’t go anywhere, the World Series of Marbles is up next.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Spiker.
Riff & React: Kevin & Santa’s Space Ship
Movie: The only time you can do it is the night before Christmas.
“Tonight on ‘House Hunters After Dark.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Room.
“‘One Guy Eats While Two Other Guys Watch’ will return after this.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
“‘Alien Car Wreckers’ this fall on the History Channel. Hell, we’ll show anything.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw.
Riff & React: Kevin & Fever Lake
Movie: The evil is coming.
“Law and Order: Teen Interrogation Unit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Last Slumber Party.
“And now back to this week’s episode of ‘Hi Honey, I’m Homo Erectus.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus!
“It’s a wacky comedy about how she was shot in the head, so she moves to L.A. and gets a job on a small TV news station.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Sisters of Death.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch
Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.
“The director challenged them to walk less naturally than Rod from Birdemic.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dark Future.
“I see a mountain lion. I got to get back to my house. You better get back to your car.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
“Oh, I hear a mountain lion!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
“Ot-oh, we got a Birdemic situation. She’s going to Becky-it up out there.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Grizzly.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech
Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.
“What it would look like if NASA had hired James Nguyen to fake the moon landing instead of Kubrick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
“Yo, slowly pull in and park this baby Birdemic-style. Word to your mother.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cool as Ice.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch
Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.
“I’ve always wondered what Platoon would have been like if James Nguyen had directed it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Deadly Prey.
PixTrax: “James Nguyen’s Hell’s Angels brother.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Sunset Strip.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch
Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch
Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch
Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch
Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.
“Rowing and docking. This was directed by Norseman James Nguyen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Finally, a movie that does for aimless scuba diving what Birdemic did for gradual driving and parking.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Bermuda Triangle.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”
Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?
Riff & React: “Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.”
Movie: Don’t you get it, you’re a dreamer.
“Everyone is losing their minds just like when The Beatles played Mrs. Peterson’s third period study hall.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.
Riff & React: “So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?”
Movie: So Mark, how do you feel about putting some board breaking into the act?
“Hey guys, guys. Hey, let’s do the Abbey Road thing, guys. Guys? Come on.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.
“Sir George Martin, we get it. You produced The Beatles. Do something this century.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The Magic Sword.
“As you are he and we are all together. Goo goo g’joob.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
PixTrax: “Sam is the Katzman. Yeah, he’s the Katzman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Voodoo Man.
“Why don’t you vaporize me in the road?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battlefield Earth.
Riff & React: “Close your eyes.”
Movie: Close your eyes.
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