“Well, anyway, here’s my speech entitled ‘Things I Shouldn’t Have Licked.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Gives a Speech.
Category: Kevin Murphy
“Want to lick my squirrel?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Norman Checks In.
“Enjoy the Dragon Sound concert tonight, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: No Retreat, No Surrender.
“Make them suffer. Only let them have access to those weird video games you can play on hotel room TVs.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ninja Warlord.
Riff & React: Kevin & Neutron The Atomic Superman vs. The Death Robots
Movie: This is Professor Mensies.
“Whose natural poured concrete habitat had been meticulously recreated.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mr. Moto Takes a Walk.
“Best anal glands in the business, kids.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mother Goose’s Birthday Party with Ronald McDonald.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doing Words” Sketch
Mike: Doing words? Oh, let’s see. Well, roast comes to mind. Also, parboil, saute, baste, marinate, and dice.
“If we don’t hurry, all the good husbands will be taken.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Molly Grows Up.
“Would a guy with a velvet bull fighter painting lie?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Missile to the Moon
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch
Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’
“Okay, this sword fight is reaching ‘Hey Jude’ levels of over-staying its welcome.”
Beatles riff pulled from RiffTrax: Merlin: The Return.
“Are you my new dad this week?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Measuring Man!
“Here’s a great educational program about digesting your food which is preventing you from digesting your food.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Mealtime Manners & Health.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ninjas Suck Sketch”
Kevin: Wait! This guy—it just occurred to me—
Riff & React: Kevin & Martial Law 2
Movie: So, who’s the new girl?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Giant X” Sketch
Bill: Oh god, a giant ‘X’ from nowhere!
“Victims like the neighbor’s pet chicken, Richard M. Chickson.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Lycan Colony.
PixTrax: “He should be at the skinny Adam West convention.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Lovely But Deadly.
Riff & React: Mike and Live and Learn
Movie: A campfire can be a lot fun, but it can also be very dangerous.
“Mommy’s lip sync is always off before her morning coffee.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Kitty Cleans Up.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
“The ‘Keep Off The Grass’ cinematic universe is expanding very quickly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Keep Off The Grass.
“He gets so snippy when he’s sleeveless.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Karate Cop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Kangaroo Can’t Play Basketball” Sketch
Kevin: Wait a second. Is there a rule that says a kangaroo can’t play basketball?
“Ah great, a joy ride. These usually end well in educational films.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Joy Ride.
“Game. Set. Blanford.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Improve Your Pronunciation.
“Remember, blind obedience is the only cure for clown induced depression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: If Mirrors Could Speak.
“There’s a Kringle on the wing of the plane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: I Believe in Santa Claus.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
“Traffic Education Unit: teaching about, and advocating for, a Steve Winwood based progressive rock group since 1945.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Highway Mania.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
PixTrax: “It stinks.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Gumby: The Movie
Nick Nolte Moment from Grizzly
Kevin: Looks like the kind of place Nick Nolte would come to sell his stolen road signs.
“God damn, you old-school sapping weeds!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Goodbye, Weeds.
“Chew deep into the afternoon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Good Eating Habits.
“Okay, give me the full Clockwork Orange, doc. I can take it.”
RIff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Glasses for Susan.
“Okay look, not to Giant-splain you here or anything, but that’s gonna be your relay or your starter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Giant From The Unknown.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
“We should all start judging time in terms of when scientists arrive at airports.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Gammera The Invincible.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
“It’s time for fish tracks.”
Riff pulled from Fishin’ With RiffTrax.
“Kids, all good first aid involves befouling the public water supply.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: First Aid for Children – I Can Do It Myself.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“This screenplay broke the world record for the use of the word ‘lumbering.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Final Justice.
“Motionless in a Brady Bunch box.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Emergencies – What Would You Do?
“It’s the Lego William Burroughs starter kit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drugs Are Like That.
“Ah Halloween, so many horn-based memories.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing for Beginners: The Triangle.
Riff & React: Kevin & Dragon Wars: D-War
Movie: I’ve covered some crazy stories.
“Look at this, two stupid robots sitting in front of a dumb movie.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dr. Who and the Daleks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
“I shouldn’t do it, but how many people can ever say they had sex with a dinosaur?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Dinosaurus.
“Sad people soullessly stamping out product. This is how I picture Marvel films.”
Riff pulled from Day of the Shorts: SF Sketchfest 2019.
“Almonds! Who do you think we are, King Nebuchadnezzar II of Babylon?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: David and Hazel: A Story in Communication.
“And can my resemblance to Mark Trail help in anyway?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Damaged Goods.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hard Bop” Sketch
Bill: Kids really enjoy their hard bop, don’t they?
RiffTrax Tracks: County Fair Super Mix
RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: County Fair.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech
“Hi, folks. I’m Corkren Theopolis Crow. You may remember me from Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, The Birds. I got to pluck Suzanne Pleshette’s eyes out. You know, working with Ms. Pleshette was a delight. She was a real pro and her eyeballs were delicious. And now here’s our story.” The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech pulled from […]
“I am a William Katt doppelganger, sir, and I deserve respect.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cops: Who Needs Them?
“Hey, please don’t insult the puss-filled eggs by comparing them to Coors Light.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Contamination.
“Chairman Mao goes nuts for a good nativity scene.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax shorts: Christmas Customs Near and Far.
“Warnings by fish-headed Star Wars characters not withstanding”
Star Wars riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Carnivorous Plants.
“And don’t let your son join a band called ‘The Skinless Wieners.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Buying Food.
“The Muppets look more natural riding bikes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Busy Bodies.
“This is already totally wrong. Nothing like how Brainic looks in the Superman Comics. Good job, Hollywood. I’m taking this to the forums.”
The first riff from RiffTrax: Brainiac.
“Half man. Half curb. Man-a-curb!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Borrowed Power.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
“He’s, without a doubt, the lickiest villain that we’ve ever seen.”
Riff pulled from Best of RiffTrax: Villains.
“Yeah, just have a nap and maybe duck down to the crap pile and have myself a roll. Perfect afternoon.
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behavior of Domestic Pigs.
“Easy as burning through grant money.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Learning to Follow Instructions.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Emperor Palpatine In Drag” Sketch
Kevin: Think the kid knows his mom is Emperor Palpatine in drag?
“Luckily, I’ll always have my Cindy Brady cosplay.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Being a Good Sport.
PixTrax: “Grade school principal or curator of a vintage pornography museum?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: A Lunchroom Goes Bananas.
“Those windows lack basic energy efficiency measures such as seals.”
Birdemic Callback pulled from RiffTrax: Beaks.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Now to hit on that flight attendant who looks suspiciously like Bane.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Tunnel of Terror (Episode 2).
“That’s the kind of box that holds the promise of your dad’s old Playboys but turns out to be extension cords and a broken smoke alarm.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: The Wizard’s Challenge (Episode 13).
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“Keep Rolling!” From RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Robin’s Wild Ride (Episode 3)
Mike: ‘Snap.’ Oh god, my ankle! Guys, we have to stop.
“That was Parker in our radioactive arachnid division.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman: Robin Rides the Wind (Episode 12).
“You got to give your super villains their positive reinforcement or else they get cranky.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Batman’s Last Chance (Episode 10).
“Okay, so you’re a grocery witch, and you want to do what in our store? Oh yes, we sell breaded zucchini, why?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Basic Job Skills: Dealing With Customers.
“See, I may be holding you against your will, but I don’t fib about beddy-bye.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of the Puppet People.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I Know A Girl” Sketch
Mike: I know a girl who can tie one of these with her tongue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
“Well, to start she has no trace of ethnicity.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are You Popular?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
“Favorite cowboy shirt? He has more than one?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Appreciating Our Parents.
“Please help us escape from this freaky, nipple, torture dungeon.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Animal Antics.
“Mommy, today I learned about cannibalism and infanticide.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Aquarium in Action.
RiffTrax Tracks: “American Thrift”
“American Thrift” pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: American Thrift Part 1.
“She sounds like one of the Kennedys trying to do a Barbra Walters impression.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Alcohol.
“Yeah, yum-yum my goodies, you mush-mouth creep.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Visit to Santa.
“Dick, you’re going to die in Korea.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Day of Thanksgiving.
“Though, the elephant poop shoveler is thinking about leaving show business.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Circus Wakes Up.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
“But how will I watch the woman next store vacuum?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Case of Spring Fever.
“Damn it. I swore I’d never watch ‘Two Woodchucks One Hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Badger’s Bad Day.
Keep Rolling! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.