“Because I need to catch up on my friend’s web series first. It’s about dating in L.A.—very fresh.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident.
Category: Bill Corbett
“This here narrative has entered a Möbius strip of repeatin’ violence.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Atomic Garden.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch
Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’
“And if you’ve never seen this guy back down a ladder, you are in for a treat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Mesa of Lost Women.
“If only movies featured ironic comeuppances. I’d be worried for him.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Merlin’s Shop of Mystical Wonders.
“Spanish guys with guns swarming over a wall—it’s a Lou Dobbs fever dream.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: McBain.
“Why did they make this prison so hard to get out of?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Maximum Revenge.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ninjas Suck Sketch”
Kevin: Wait! This guy—it just occurred to me—
“The sound of something circling a drain. I can’t imagine a better way to end an ACI short.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Masks of Grass.
PixTrax: “Classic. They’re playing good cop, Kenny Loggins-resembling cop.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Martial Law.
“‘A Touch of Pacino’ is my new line of poultry seasoning.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Maniac.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Powers of Darkness” Sketch
Mike: I summoned all the powers of darkness to bring my plush toy collection to life.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Giant X” Sketch
Bill: Oh god, a giant ‘X’ from nowhere!
“Made that rice disappear quicker than Jonah Hill at a Chinese buffet.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Magical Disappearing Money.
“That’s Dr. Gym Teacher to you. Now, drop and give me twenty.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Lunchroom Manners.
Riff & React: Mike and Live and Learn
Movie: A campfire can be a lot fun, but it can also be very dangerous.
“Pipe down the Jewish a little, Mushnick. You make Maimonides seem like Tab Hunter.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Little Shop of Horrors.
“Yeah, grandma loves wheat.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Little Red Riding Hood.
“I can has battle to death with skunk baby?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Little Lost Scent.
“My father said I’d never be able to extort city governments with a light blaster. How do you like me now, dad!”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Light Blast.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Seventies Hipster” Sketch
Bill: God, a seventies hipster!
“Tony, I’m afraid your son is Danish. There’s nothing we can do.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Know For Sure.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
“Pa, I want to be an influencer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: It’s A Wonderful Life.
“Laplanders can’t estimate size, that’s my favorite racists stereotype.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Invasion of the Animal People.
“Bob regrets not eating his twin in the womb.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: How To Keep A Job.
PixTrax: “Bentals Unlimited. I wonder if they bent roats. I’d love to take my fids kishing.”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Honor and Glory.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
“You got Venmo or are you one of those Zelle weirdos?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Hijacked: Flight 285.
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
“‘Judson T’—a decent Landis, sure, but no ‘Kenesaw Mountain.’”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Going Steady?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
RiffTrax Tracks: “Ghosthouse Drinking Song”
The “Ghosthouse Drinking Song” pulled from RiffTrax: Ghosthouse.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch
Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.
“Man, public education in the forties was surprisingly train-based.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Frustrating Fours and Fascinating Fives.
“I wonder what kind of jobs you can get with a degree in mystical camping?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Frozen Scream.
“Reminds me of my youth. Sitting on the playground, divining I Ching hexagrams.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Friends.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
“Yeah, okay, but let’s go back to the guy flying on a giant metal wang.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Flying Saucer Mystery.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
“Santa Claus and kangaroos—yep, it’s Thanksgiving alright.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Festival of Fun Days.
“He spends more time in the basement than the New York Jets.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Feeders 2: Slay Bells.
Nick Nolte Moment From Fears Of Children
Bill: Oh hey, Mr. Nolte.
“Mmm, authentic cactus bacon and horse eggs.”
Riff pulled RiffTrax Shorts: Fashion Horizons.
“Thanks for inviting me over to lunch, Jimmy. Your mom is delicious.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Babies and Their Mothers.
“A farm is a grotesque eating machine.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Farm Animals.
“Welcome to Waldrick, a tiny country bordered by Fredonia, Gilder, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Fangs of the Living Dead.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Guy From That Terrible Star Trek Movie” Sketch
Bill: Help! That guy from that terrible Star Trek movie is grabbing us.
“Be ectothermic—lay leathery eggs in a sand hole.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Duck and Cover.
“Elise Ruffini, professor of advanced rectangleology, and Harriet Knapp, parallelogram enthusiast.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Drawing For Beginners: The Rectangle.
“I used to play synthesizer for the group ‘New Balance Factor.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Down and Out.
“It was time to go to YouTube comments and tell classical violinists they’re ugly.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Get Angry.
“Oh, ‘When They Go Bush’ that’s the title of Lou Diamond Phillips’ book about his wife leaving him for Melissa Ethridge.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Don’t Be a Bloody Idiot.
“Ah, the California Angels. Such an uncomplicated, natural sounding team name. I hope it never changes.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Day of the Animals.
“An Australian guy with a knife. Man, I just wish I could think of a reference here, guys. Coming up blank.”
Crocodile Dundee Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Cyber Tracker.
“Those green egg trees are missing something. I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Courtesy: A Good Eggsample.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hard Bop” Sketch
Bill: Kids really enjoy their hard bop, don’t they?
RiffTrax Tracks: County Fair Super Mix
RiffTrax Track pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: County Fair.
PixTrax: “Joseph Goebbels loves his recumbent bike.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Cork – Crashes and Curiosities.
“That was one wild night—drank a bottle of Old Grand-dad, smoked a packed of cigarettes, and studied plankton till dawn.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: The City of the Dead.
“Whoa! A face like a squid’s anus.”
Riff pulled from Christmas with RiffTrax: Santa’s Village of Madness.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Not He-Man” Sketch
Bill: Now, which one these figures is Stinkor, the Evil Master of Odors?
“And replace the panties and check the tension of the g-string.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Call It Free Part 1.
“Can my pocket help?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building Better Paragraphs.”
“Pregnant women and the elderly should not attempt sub-topics without a doctor’s approval.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Building An Outline.
Riff & React: Bill & Boy of India: Rama and His Elephant
Movie: A working elephant understands about 30 command words for doing different jobs.
Sketches & Speeches: The “This Is Boston” Speech
“Please, gentlemen. This is Boston. Can’t we fight over something civilized like Deflategate or whether the Dropkick Murphys kind of suck?”
“Oh Ellen, thank you for being brave enough to give people like the Kardashians some attention.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Blood Theater.
“Hey, tell them what you’re going to growl. Growl. Then tell them what you growled.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Berserker: Hell’s Warrior.
“Ned Flanders does have a kicking onion.”
The Simpsons riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Behave Bernard.
“I don’t know. That’s a pretty big wang to erase.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Beginning Responsibility: Broken Bookshop.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
“Pretty pompous for a guy who spent five years masturbating into a pillow.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Battle for the Lost Planet.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
“But you don’t understand. I’m a Robin and I strike fear into the hearts of men like real robins do.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman: Target Robin (Episode 6).
“We suspect sinister villain ‘The Valet.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Victorious (Episode 15).
“Predicting drive-time radio news, the lamest super villain power of all-time.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Trapped! (Episode 4).
“Science: pants not required.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Batman Takes Over (Episode 1).
“Does teleportation make your nipples tender?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Banks – The Money Movers.
“Hey, when super monsters attack you’re going to lose some kids to the rodents.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Attack of Super Monsters.
“Remember our safe word is ‘spider daddy.'”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Ator, The Fighting Eagle.
“Kids Under A Tarp: The Motion Picture”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Floats.
“Forget playing stickball, Timmy. Slap on another coat of fuchsia.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: At Your Fingertips: Boxes.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Blood Exchanger Sketch”
Bill: We have a blood exchanger?
“Some people are Tracy Chapman.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Are People All the Same?
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
Nick Nolte Moment from Animal Homes
“Nick Nolte says, “Yeah, homes are fine, but they’re not for me.”
“And there it is. The last recorded instance of any human being happy on a commercial flight.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: An Airplane Trip By Jet.
“Ah, the fifties, when tween girls dressed like elderly, Russian babushkas.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Am I Trustworthy?
“Look at him, just flagrantly having a penis.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: Allen Is My Brother
Nick Nolte Moment From Alien Outlaw
Bill: Nick Nolte’s mountain home.
PixTrax: “Man, they really Nabooed the hell out of her, didn’t they?”
PixTrax pulled from RiffTrax: Aladdin.
Riff & React: Bill & Adventures of a Chipmunk Family
Movie: Dried foods, such as nuts, will keep well in the underground room.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Wendall W. Wright Sketch”
Bill: Wendall W. Wright was a wise, wonderful, worthy, water-skier as well as a wanker.
“Don’t get your hopes up guys. It’s Canadian stripping. She changes into a snowmobile suit.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax: Abraxas: Guardian of the Universe.
“Could we make the NASA control room guys wear formal hats and powered wigs?”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Trip To The Moon.
“Up next, their moving rendition of ‘Hitler Got Run Over By A Reindeer.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Song for Santa.
“Whoa. Trusting magazines? Big insult to nurseymen.”
Riff pulled from RiffTrax Shorts: A Green Thumb for Macaulay.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
Keep Rolling! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.