Sketches & Speeches: The “Poems About Nature” Sketch
Bill: Too bad there are no good poems about nature.
Category: Sketches & Speeches
Sketches & Speeches: The “Talking Cat!?!” Sketch
Kevin: The talking cat!?!
Sketches & Speeches: The “Who’s Your Favorite Character So Far” Sketch
Bill: So, who’s your favorite character so far?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Piltdown Man” Sketch
Mike: Whoa, he went there.
Sketches & Speeches: The “We Can Go Have Sex” Sketch
Kevin: We can go have sex.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Retrograde Thrust” Sketch
Mary Jo: Oh yeah, that must be the retrograde thrust.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Nick Swardson” Sketch
Kevin: There’s no high hat. Where am I?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Body Sacks” Sketch
Bill: You know Lupe, I love using burlap for my body sacks. Sturdy, yet light and breathable.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Which Brian?” Sketch
Kevin: Which Brian? I’m lost and I’m a Brian.
Sketches & Speeches: The “President Ford” Sketch
Bill: President Ford is about to speak.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Longest Snowmobiling Sequence Since Records Began” Sketch
Ian: This must be the longest snowmobiling sequence since records began.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Family’s Domestic Love and Bliss” Sketch
Mike: Alright, I’ve seen a lot of movies and I can tell you exactly where this is going.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Narrating Another Woman” Sketch
Kevin: That night, mother found out father had been narrating another woman.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Zombies Reminiscing” Sketch
Bill: Meanwhile the zombies are out there drinking PBR and reminiscing
Sketches & Speeches: The “Castlefield” Sketch
Mike: Castleton college?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Myself Being Kidnapped” Sketch
Mary Jo: You know what, I hand it to her. I personally wouldn’t want to draw attention to myself being kidnapped.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gary Gygax” Sketch
Mike: Hey, I just got a note from the ghost of Gary Gygax.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Citizen Kane of Bad Movies” Sketch
Mike: And here we go with the Citizen Kane of bad movies.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Speedo Wearing Clowns” Sketch
Mike: I hate parades of aquatic champions. I’m scared of the Speedo wearing clowns.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doing Words” Sketch
Mike: Doing words? Oh, let’s see. Well, roast comes to mind. Also, parboil, saute, baste, marinate, and dice.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gritty Reboot” Sketch
Kevin: It’s the gritty reboot of ‘Setting Up A Room.’
Sketches & Speeches: “The Ninjas Suck Sketch”
Kevin: Wait! This guy—it just occurred to me—
Sketches & Speeches: “The Powers of Darkness” Sketch
Mike: I summoned all the powers of darkness to bring my plush toy collection to life.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Giant X” Sketch
Bill: Oh god, a giant ‘X’ from nowhere!
Sketches & Speeches: The “Seventies Hipster” Sketch
Bill: God, a seventies hipster!
Sketches & Speeches: The “Am I A Good Cop?” Speech
“It’s times like this when you’re approaching a mortuary late a night,
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ruined Heling” Sketch
Kevin: You know, it’s almost like Nazis have ruined heiling things for the rest of us.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Kangaroo Can’t Play Basketball” Sketch
Kevin: Wait a second. Is there a rule that says a kangaroo can’t play basketball?
Sketches and Speeches: The “Long Walk” Speech
“It was a long walk from his death row cell to what laid waiting for him.
Sketches & Speeches: The “That’s Classifieds” Sketch
Bridget: What ads are you putting in the paper?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Torture Dungeon” Sketch
Bill: It’s a torture dungeon, but they strung a safety chain on the balustrade. Why?
Sketches & Speeches: The “I’d Hate To Be Rick Wakeman Right About Now” Sketch
Bill: Ooh, Zamfir. Get down with your bad self. Tear Windham Hill a new one.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Gifts From The Air Cast List” Speech
“Yes, it’s Gifts from The Air with all your favorite characters:
Sketches & Speeches: The “Chew Bubble Gum” Sketch
Movie: I think if you just chew that bubble gum maybe a little bit less.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Fungicide” Sketch
Bill: Fungicide: Life on the Streets.
Sketches & Speeches: The “It’s A Thing With Stuff” Sketch
Kevin: It’s a thing with stuff.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tiny Stool” Sketch
Ian: He was sitting on a ridiculously tiny stool.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Estonia” Sketch
Kevin: What do we want?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Guy From That Terrible Star Trek Movie” Sketch
Bill: Help! That guy from that terrible Star Trek movie is grabbing us.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Are You High On Something “Sketch
Movie: Are you high on something?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Power Corp” Sketch
Movie: In other news, a plane containing medical supplies exploded last night and authorities believe it’s the work of the Power Corp.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Doesn’t This Director Know How To Make A Horror Movie?” Speech
“Come on, this is ridiculous. Doesn’t this director know how to make a horror movie?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hard Bop” Sketch
Bill: Kids really enjoy their hard bop, don’t they?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech
“Hi, folks. I’m Corkren Theopolis Crow. You may remember me from Alfred Hitchcock’s classic thriller, The Birds. I got to pluck Suzanne Pleshette’s eyes out. You know, working with Ms. Pleshette was a delight. She was a real pro and her eyeballs were delicious. And now here’s our story.” The “Suzanne Pleshette” Speech pulled from […]
Sketches & Speeches: The “Not He-Man” Sketch
Bill: Now, which one these figures is Stinkor, the Evil Master of Odors?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Discussing Watchmen” Speech
“No, see, I have to agree with Alan Moore that the whole Before Watchmen thing is shameless.
Sketches & Speeches: The “This Is Boston” Speech
“Please, gentlemen. This is Boston. Can’t we fight over something civilized like Deflategate or whether the Dropkick Murphys kind of suck?”
Sketches & Speeches: The “Hey, Raul” Speech
“Raul. Hey, Raul. This has been bugging me. What was the name of the chick who played the daughter on Alf? Raul? Can you hear me? Daughter on Alf? Yeah, you’re no use.”
Sketches & Speeches: The “Daughter-In-Law” Sketch
Mary Jo: Bridget, did your daughter-in-law deep clean and redecorate your house on her honeymoon?
Sketches & Speeches: The “Living Post Apocalypse” Sketch
Mike: The upside to living post apocalypse? No Rachel Ray.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Acetylene Torch” Sketch
Bill: Carries an acetylene torch in his pants?
Sketches & Speeches: The “That Is Not A Cylinder” Sketch
Kevin: Kid, it’s the narrator. I’m locked out. That is not a cylinder. Kid, let me in.
Nick Nolte Moment From Arachnia
Kevin: Oh, it’s Nick Nolte’s summer place.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Alone At Home Speech”
“Alone at Home is not to be confused with Home Alone,
Nick Nolte Moment From Alien Outlaw
Bill: Nick Nolte’s mountain home.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Cut-Off Lyric Sketch”
Bill: The cut-off lyric posits the theory that a heavy plum pudding diet was why Batman smelled–edited out on threat of a lawsuit.
Sketches & Speeches: “The El Paso Sketch”
Kevin: This looks vaguely familiar. Oh right, my vacation footage from when I went to hell.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Bird Plague Movie” Sketch
Mike: I just don’t understand how we’re this far into a bird plague movie with no discussion of stock options.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Mass Solar” Sketch
Bill: About my new company, Mass Solar.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Tree-Hugger Guy” Sketch
Bill: I hear a mountain lion.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Becky In Birdemic” Speech
Mike: Just a warning, Jack’s weeping at Julie’s grave is even more emotional than when the eagles killed Becky in Birdemic.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Rod From Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: This feels like Rod Sterling should step out and do a monologue.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Young James Nguyen” Sketch
Bill: Okay, it’s not a coat hanger but it’s very close.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen Trucker Picture” Sketch
Mike: This scene of an 18-wheeler slowly starting and pulling away guest directed by James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Diving Scenes’ First Cousin” Sketch
Kevin: And here comes driving scenes’ first cousin, carefully signaling and turning into a parking lot scene.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Directed By Mr. James Nguyen” Sketch
Mike: Parking scene guest directed by Mr. James Nguyen.
Sketches & Speeches: The “James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver” Sketch
Mike: James Nguyen’s Taxi Driver.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Our First Birdemic” Sketch
Kevin: Ot-oh, she’s going to pull a Becky on the beach.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Imagine Sketch”
Bill: Is the soundtrack trying to become John Lennon’s “Imagine” or am I just a dreamer?
Sketches & Speeches: The “If Dogs Wrote The Beatles Songs” Sketch
Bill: He’s laughing cause he remembers that great hashtag pun on Twitter last night.
Sketches & Speeches: The “Ringo’s a Chicken” Sketch
Bill: That’s my favorite Beatles movie. Yellow Submarine was too weird. What the hell is with Magical Mystery Tour?
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Ice Cream Man
Mike: Golden Corral’s new slogan—ah dang, I can’t quite make that work.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Last Woman On Earth
Movie: In a couple of days the stench alone will choke us.
Sketches & Speeches: The “You Golden Corralled Us” Sketch
Movie: Very close to success.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Son of Sinbad… Again!
Movie: If this doesn’t kill them, the smell will.
Golden Corral’s New Slogan Served By Night of the Yellow Beast
Movie: Come now, it’s good meat. Probably better than anything you ever tasted. Eat, my boy.
Sketches & Speeches: “Not Golden Corral’s New Slogan Sketch”
Bill: Golden Corral, your favorite dinning establishment.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Army of Ziggys Sketch”
Bill: Man, I just realized he’s making an army of Ziggys.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Polonia Brothers Erotica Sketch”
Kevin: Oh yes. Soap up there, mustache. That’s how Kevie likes it.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Emerson, Lake and Palmer Song Is Trying to Start Sketch”
Mike: An Emerson, Lake and Palmer song is trying to start!
Sketches & Speeches: “The Boys Sketch”
Mike: Maybe these are “The Boys?”
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dresden 1945 Sketch”
Mike: Mmm, I guess we’re in Dresden 1945?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Are You Ready To Rock Sketch”
Kevin: Are you ready to rock?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Undramatic Digital Fantasy Effects Sketch”
Kevin: So, at what age do you stop being interested in really undramatic digital fantasy effects?
Sketches & Speeches: “The I’m Gonna Come Back and Haunt You, Okay? Speech”
“Ohai Mark. Hai Denny. Hai Lisa.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Efficient Sex Scene Sketch”
Kevin: Now, why can’t the sex scenes be that efficient?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Poor Usher Sketch”
Mike: Man, poor usher, huh?
Sketches & Speeches: “The Peakviewing Transatlantic Sketch”
Bill: Peakviewing Transatlantic: sure we make films, but mostly we fly over oceans to look at mountains.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Day The First Man Sketch.”
Mike: The day Lincoln got shot.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Sprach Zarathustra Speech.”
Kevin: Sounds like Sprach Zarathustra.
Sketches and Speeches: “The Signal Lamp Sketch.”
Mike: A signal lamp trying to tell us something. Kevin, please decode.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Japan Sketch.”
Mike: This movie brought to you by Japan.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Betty Columbia Speech.”
“Hi, guys. Betty Columbia here. Welcome to the show.
Speeches & Sketches: “The Four Seasons For Life Sketch”
Kevin: The Frankie Valli Institute!?! Ah crap, I was hoping for a sneak preview of The Jersey Boys film adaptation.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Dry Cleaner Sketch”
Kevin: What? Wait! What the—
Sketches & Speeches: “The Much More Discrete Sketch”
Kevin: This is much more discrete then simply walking to the rendezvous point.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Pirate’s World Breakup Sketch”
Kevin: So, did you have fun in the Thumbelina room?
Sketches & Speeches: Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech”
“My dearest Aunt Evelyn… The birds overcame us at dawn today. So many succumbed to their taunts and acidic poo. There are no words proper which to describe the calamity and ruination in this war of avian aggression. Your loving nephew, Milo.” Bill Corbett’s “My Dearest Aunt Evelyn Speech” pulled RiffTrax Live: Birdemic.
Sketches & Speeches: “The Beach Blanket Assassins Sketch”
Mike: Frankie Avalon in Beach Blanket Assassins.
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