Bill: Dear Diary, Mr. Clifford was worse than useless. He just sat there pretending to be dead most of the time. But I knew he was faking because I could see his wattles jiggling and also because he talked some. Assuming that’s what those sounds were. I didn’t really listen.
Kevin: Also Diary, I hate my apartment. This big dumb light switch has never worked right. I always have to walk over to the lamp to turn it off.
Bill: Also also Diary, today at the shelter Vicky told everyone I have a crush on Caden, but I totally don’t even. As if! Maybe Vicky would be interested to know that I have a gun now. And can so make her pay. I can make them all pay.
“The Dear Diary Sketch” pulled from RiffTrax: When a Stranger Calls Back.