Sketches & Speeches “The Swamp of Us Sketch”

Mike: Hi, we’re The Ravens. Welcome to this, the Swamp of Us. Please note we are not implying nor should you infer any ownership by us of the swamp.
Bill: No, that would be the Ravens’ Swamp about 20 miles from here. We do own that. This one we used to own, but we don’t anymore. Not since the fall of ’78.
Kevin: Yeah, it’s a long story full of many legal twists and turns, but for now, welcome to the Swamp of Us.
Mike: Well, look. Here’s what happened. My grandfather, Theodore Raven, bought all this land from his cousin whose family had lived here since 1832. Well, when he went to pull the land title down at city hall, he discovered that there had been an improperly filed contract for deed. The judge originally ruled that it was still clearly his land—
Bill: —Well, I think we’re getting bogged down here. The point is that while we have the legal right to live here, it is not our land. However, in arbitration we were given the legally binding right to refer to this whole area as the ‘Swamp of Us.’
Kevin: And, we’re allowed to make changes to the structure of property itself provided we return it to its original condition at the end of the lease.
Mike: But the lease itself is indefinite so functionally it’s the same as if we owned the property. Doesn’t that just beat all?
Bill: Anyway, while this swamp was all tied up in legal battles, Chris, Roger, and I formed a limited liability corporation and paid cash for a swamp about 20 miles from here.
Kevin: A nice spot.
Mike: Sure, it’s nice enough, but not really our home.
Kevin: Right. So, our LCC now leases that to a flock of ravens that have just migrated to the area, and now, ironies of ironies, the ravens at the ‘Ravens’ Swamp’ don’t own their swamp. And The Ravens at the ‘Swamp of’ don’t own theirs either.
Bill: I tell ya, you don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“The Swamp of Us Sketch” pulled from RiffTrax: Swamp of the Ravens.

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